


ocean eyes

by averyblue



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Demigod AU, Feelings Realization, M/M, Minor Character Death... sort of (none of the boys ok)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-05
Updated: 2018-11-02
Packaged: 2018-12-11 13:21:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 48,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11715228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/averyblue/pseuds/averyblue
Summary: Son of the Seas, he's called. Yet he gets pulled in and drowns in the depths of Kihyun's eyes, deep and beautiful just like his beloved oceans.





	1. start

Hyunwoo's right hand tears through the film of water. His heartbeat thrums in his ears before he takes a brief sideward breath. Cheering and clapping invade his hearing amidst the sound of lapping water. With a rapid submersion, water blocks out the voices and muffles the splashes surrounding him. He sees his shadow looming over pristine blue tiles.

He repeats his movements, this time with the other half of his body.

He repeats until he reaches the edge of the pool.

Hyunwoo's feet slowly touch the pool floor as he straightens his upper body above the water level. While in a mantra of fast deep inhales and slow deeper exhales, he scans the digital scoreboard for his name.

“First again, as usual,” interrupts his search. He doesn't double check because Kihyun never lies about results.

Hyunwoo finds Kihyun's hand outstretched in front of him. The younger boy wears a proud smile that Hyunwoo still isn't used to, even though Kihyun has been smiling that way at him since they were children. If anything, his smile now is even brighter.

“Kihyun-ah,” Hyunwoo greets. Then he forgets what else to say.

“Hurry up before the team coach scolds us for ‘breaking and entering’ again,” Kihyun whispers in urgency.

“Don't worry, we're holding him from behind so you won't pull him in,” calls another voice. Minhyuk and Changkyun spring from Kihyun’s back and wave at him with childish grins, while Kihyun rolls his eyes.

Hyunwoo laughs and grabs Kihyun's hand. Tingles shoot through his skin and veins from the warmth, a perfect contrast from the pool's cold.

 

* * *

 

 

_Kihyun has a fear of water. It hasn’t always been the case._

_~_

 

Back in the day, Kihyun and Hyunwoo would swim in the river near their neighborhood while Minhyuk watched and Hoseok kept Minhyuk company.

Hyunwoo was ten and Kihyun was nine when things changed.

The river had been swift, and so had been Hyunwoo. His penchant for swimming even in dangerous tides had always made Kihyun worry. “Let's head back, hyung?” Kihyun had asked calmly, but his eyes had been pleading, his hand on Hyunwoo's wrist. But Hyunwoo was young then -  _He won't understand_ , he had thought. There was something about water that pulled Hyunwoo in, like it was his second home and natural solace, replenishing the flow of energy within him and granting his mind complete clarity. Kihyun wouldn't understand.

But Hyunwoo had discovered he didn't understand everything about his affinity either.

“Let's head back, hyung?”

Kihyun’s voice had been crystal clear in Hyunwoo's head then, and it still was until this very day. The words had just been uttered seconds before Kihyun's loudest cry. “Hyunwoo!”

The pull on Hyunwoo's body had been almost magnetic as the river washed him away at its fast pace, snatching him from Kihyun’s gentle hold. On the ground, Minhyuk and Hoseok had chased after him, but their running figures had quickly blurred and turned smaller, their yells replaced by roars of spattering water melded with the ghostly howls of the wind. Tides had trashed on him with such force that almost threw him at pointed rocks, rendering his body unable to fight back. His head spun from the dizzying motion, and all he could think of was his friends and how he should've listened to Kihyun.

He had thought his eyes were deceiving him when a large wave formed into a waterfall, crashing down from a tremendous height and engulfing him into coldness. Chills had rushed through his soaked body before he moved his limbs, surprised at the sudden calm around him, and let out a gasp.

He could breathe.

He had opened his eyes, and he was in an empty underwater cave with a man. A man whose voice was in his memory and sometimes in his dreams.

The Ocean God. Hyunwoo’s real father.

He had then understood why his mother didn’t resent having to raise him alone, why she brought him to beaches or seasides during vacations, why she looked at seas and oceans fondly, why she encouraged his love for swimming. Then he had understood why he could trace shapes in the air using bathwater or why the river overflows whenever he passed by it after a bad day. His father had revealed their relationship that day because Hyunwoo’s ‘gifts’ was already developing at his age. He had promised guidance and blessings to Hyunwoo before returning him back to the surface, but had asked him to promise never to speak about their encounter to anyone except his mother.

When Hyunwoo had opened his eyes, he first saw Kihyun towering over him with tear-stained cheeks and puffy red eyes.

“Hyunwoo hyung!” Hoseok had shrieked, sobbing at Kihyun's side.

“Y-You're alive!” Minhyuk had added, tearful eyes full of relief.

Kihyun was silent and his grip on Hyunwoo's damp shirt was tight.

The next time they visited had been six months later, and only Hyunwoo swam. 

 

* * *

“Do you think you'll get in the nationals, Hyung?”

“With his record, how could you even doubt him?” Kihyun says smugly.

Minhyuk rolls his eyes and almost smacks his slice of pizza on Kihyun's face. “Changkyunnie's just concerned how hyung will balance it with his studies. He's not naïve, you know.”

“Stop putting words I never said in my mouth,” Kihyun barks back.

Hyunwoo shares an awkward glance with Changkyun as Kihyun and Minhyuk begin pointing figurative knives at each other's throats. He tries to think of the lighter side of things, maybe laugh at the irony that he and Changkyun haven't spoken despite being the person the boy was talking to. Changkyun, who experiences the combination of Kihyun and Minhyuk more than him nowadays, keeps a level head and downs several slices of pizza. Hyunwoo does the same before the pizza gets cold.

“Okay, okay, but seriously. Hyunwoo hyung will get in. He's been training since high school. His academic load this year isn't going to stress him out either,” Kihyun explains, waving around his still unbitten pizza as he does so.

Minhyuk still looks unmoved and further irritates Kihyun with lidded eyes and a mocking tone. “Who are you, his spokesperson?”

“Do you want your question answered or not?” Kihyun hisses.

Changkyun sheepishly raises his hand. “Hyung, it was my question.”

Kihyun's brows unfurl and his pursed lips unfold. “Right. Sorry, Changkyun-ah.”

“What's up with you two?” Hyunwoo asks. He's used to Kihyun and Minhyuk's immature quarrels, but the clear spite in Kihyun's voice and the annoyance glimmering in Minhyuk's eyes tell him this isn't simple pettiness.

Minhyuk's lips begin parting, but Kihyun speaks quickly. “He told me off for wanting to help Changkyun in one of his crafting projects for school, as though he'd give any help at all.”

“See, this is why I tell you off,” Minhyuk scoffs back. “One, you'll turn it into your project and hog it from Changkyun. Two, stop making me sound like a lazy boyfriend!”

Hyunwoo blinks, unsure of what to say. Kihyun does have the tendency to pour too much effort into a project, but it's always success he has in mind. He tends to spoil Changkyun a little too much as well, even though the younger boy can clearly handle himself.

“Uhh… Changkyun-ah,” Hyunwoo begins. The youngest boy jumps on his seat, a thin string of cheese hanging between his lips and the pizza he's holding a few centimeters away from his mouth. “Do you want Kihyun to help you with the project?”

Changkyun cuts the string of cheese and chews first. Kihyun is especially interested with what his answer will be, beaming proudly at Changkyun, while Minhyuk gazes at Changkyun with a confident and loving smile.

“That's the thing, hyung. I was trying to explain to them that I don't need their help because I finished it last night with Hoseok hyung, but they were arguing so they wouldn’t listen to me.”

Minhyuk's face visibly falls, imaginary hearts in his eyes splitting into two. “Y-You worked on it with Hoseok?! Not me?! Don't you love me anymore, Changkyunnie?” he cries.

Kihyun's face finally softens as Minhyuk clings to Changkyun, wailing overdramatically. He covers his growing smile with his hand and lightly slaps Hyunwoo's exposed shoulder with his other hand.

“You had an evening exam and Hoseok hyung passed by my house,” Changkyun says, but Minhyuk wraps his arms around Changkyun and shakes him like a ragdoll. The younger boy rolls his eyes and laughs softly. Slowly, Minhyuk begins laughing too, and Kihyun lets himself do the same.

Hyunwoo grins in the comfort of hearing his friends laugh.

 

* * *

 

 

_“I own the sun!” Hoseok yells._

_"_ _Nuh uh, you don’t! I do!” Minhyuk shrieks back._

~

 

At the age of eleven, Hyunwoo learned from his father that he wasn't the only demigod around. Thankfully, none of them were his father's sons, but two of them had the misfortune of sharing one. Needless to say, the Ocean God had made the more emotional connection with the woman who bore his child.

The God of the Heavens had brought about two sons born the same year, both one year younger than Hyunwoo. And as if the world wasn't small enough, those two sons also happened to know each other and Hyunwoo.

No one would expect Shin Hoseok and Lee Minhyuk to be brothers, and not even their mothers knew.

But they were, and Hyunwoo had been asked by the God of the Heavens himself to watch over them since he was the eldest demigod. Hyunwoo didn't understand why he had to until he realized the weight of Hoseok's and Minhyuk's emotions on the weather.

Hoseok's, especially.  _Son of the Day Glow._  He was blessed with the domain of day, but often brought gray cloudy days and shielded the sun instead when they were still children. One of the worst rains in their hometown was caused by Hoseok on the day he had to leave for Seoul with Kihyun and Minhyuk before their first year in college began.

Minhyuk, baptized  _Son of the Stars_  by his father, had barely caused anomalies over the domain of night, but he had caused his own damage with surprise showers of shooting stars at moments of extreme joy. While he and Hoseok had gotten better in keeping their emotions in check and away from affecting the weather, Minhyuk had ridiculously caused a ruckus in the global community of astronomers when he first realized his crush on Changkyun was reciprocated.

Personally, Hyunwoo couldn’t grasp why sunny Minhyuk was given the solemn evenings while sensitive Hoseok was given the warm mornings. He did not dare question the God of the Heavens, though. It was enough to see the two accept what they had control of. Their only conflicts were squabbles about who really had the sun under their domain. Hoseok would argue the sun defined mornings, but Minhyuk would retort that it was still a star despite the time of day it appeared in. Hyunwoo avoided getting noticed in such conversations, which happened often, but he was thankful that he had two people – two  _friends_  – he could talk to when it came to demigod matters. Not like there were a lot anyway.

It would be nice to talk to Kihyun about this too, Hyunwoo often thought, but he wasn't allowed to.

 

* * *

 

Hyunwoo's swimming practice consumes most of his evenings on weekdays and Saturdays. Kihyun will often stay by the poolside and study, maybe observe Hyunwoo's progress, and then pull Hyunwoo out of the pool when the coach calls it a night.

He isn't required to do it. Even Hyunwoo wonders why he still does, but Kihyun always, always waits.

Hoseok, who happens to be Hyunwoo's roommate, decides to ask about it when he arrives home from practice tonight.

“Hyung, you aren't hungry?” Hoseok asks. Clad in an oversized hoodie hiding his boxer shorts, he jumps off from the living room couch while hugging a gigantic bag of chips. His eyes are slightly puffy, probably because of a drama or movie he's watching. Hyunwoo isn’t sure, since he can’t see the television screen.

“Ate with Kihyun,” he replies, tossing his bag on a free dining room chair.

“Right. You always have dinner with him now,” Hoseok says, plopping back on the couch. “I do miss eating with you, hyung.”

“We had dinner with Minhyuk and Changkyun last Saturday. Minhyuk said he texted you,” Hyunwoo says, rummaging his bag, looking for one of his notebooks. He still has homework to do.

Hoseok's nose crinkles. “Ah. I was playing billiards with Hyungwonnie and Jooheonnie.”

“We can eat dinner tomorrow together then,” Hyunwoo affirms.

“Dinner with Kihyun-ah?” Hoseok chirps, raising a brow and the corner of his lips. “There's a really good ramen shop Jooheonnie and I ate in last week.”

Hyunwoo dismisses the cheeky look on his friend's face. “If he's still around after swimming practice, yeah.”

“He always waits for you,” Hoseok remarks before crunching on a potato chip. Hyunwoo doesn't know where the conversation's headed to. “I'm just wondering why.”

Hyunwoo shrugs. “He always pulls me up from the pool after I swim since high school. Even the coach is used to it.”

Hoseok gives him a soft smile. “Ah. I understand now.”

Hyunwoo cocks his head.

“Maybe it's his way to make amends for that one time,” Hoseok says. “Maybe he still feels guilty not being able to catch you before you got swept away by the river.”

Hyunwoo sighs and squeezes the bridge of his nose with his fingers. Kihyun hasn't brought up the incident for years at all since Hyunwoo has reassured him all that mattered was he's alive. The guilt that had eaten him up in the past resurfaces again, reminding him that Kihyun’s fear of the water could never have been brought to life if he could tell him why the incident took place. Kihyun doesn’t deserve to feel guilty about something he couldn’t control.

Hoseok shoots him a wistful look. “It’s not your fault, hyung. We’re all bound to secrecy.”

“I told Kihyun to forget what happened,” Hyunwoo says. “I even stopped swimming in rivers. He shouldn’t get too worried.”

“Even if he wanted to, he couldn’t forget. To him, it's a mistake he never wants to make again. He’ll always be concerned for you when you swim.”

“I won't drown in the swimming pool,” Hyunwoo replies.

Hoseok laughs his low, snorting laugh. “I know, hyung. Kihyunnie's just being extra supportive of you now. Nationals, right?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> totally not a free! au, but an au i wanted to write for free! until i fell into kpop hell
> 
> changkyun's in his 3rd year of hs (boy advanced a grade bc he's just that smart), jooheon & hyungwon are college 1st years, kihohyuk are 2nd years, shownu 3rd year
> 
> next chapter in progress will update soon! please drop a comment? :D


	2. swim

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "He remembers Kihyun’s words again. His swimming, almost hypnotizing."

**swim**

_~_

_To my son, ten years of age_  
_May I bequeath unto you_  
_Guidance of the tides_  
_Regime over rivers_  
_Blessings of the seas_  
_Devotion from oceans_  
_May you tether yourself to the water_  
_Ever present, your second home_

_Swim to your heart’s content, Hyunwoo._

* * *

 

Dinner with Hoseok has been a pleasant break in Hyunwoo’s usual routine. It’s not because he doesn’t enjoy having dinner with Kihyun alone, since even Kihyun admits it’s rare for them to meet up with their other friends. Minhyuk and Changkyun are both rarities since the semester has started, as Minhyuk has been given classes that end at 7 PM every Wednesday and Friday, while Changkyun’s still in his last year of high school with a part-time job to boot. Jooheon’s often available, but he prefers exploring the music scene in campus or playing videogames if he isn’t studying hard. Hyungwon’s even more available despite his job in his family’s flower shop, but most of his free time is spent dozing off.

Hoseok has managed to gather Changkyun and Hyungwon for the dinner, much to their surprise. “Minhyuk and Jooheon hyung have a scheduled Overwatch match, you see,” Changkyun has explained after Kihyun says it’s only Tuesday. But even without the two loudest boys, the dinner has been lively with thanks to Hyungwon and Kihyun throwing snarky comments back and forth (“I should have just stayed home and gremlin-proofed my bed,” Hyungwon groans. Kihyun kicks him under the table), and Hoseok constantly teasing Changkyun with chopsticks.

They part their ways for the night after riding the train back to the university area, with Hyungwon heading to his family’s flower shop first and Hoseok escorting Changkyun home. Returning to their usual routine, Hyunwoo walks Kihyun back to his dormitory.

“You don’t have to, you know,” Kihyun says. “It’s only 8:37.”

"You also don’t have to pull me out of the pool,” Hyunwoo replies. “You still do, though.”

Kihyun slowly exhales, and he only replies after a minute. “Out of habit, I guess. Since high school, I’ve been doing it, right?” He pauses. “Does it annoy you?”

Hyunwoo shakes his head. “No. It saves me time getting out of the pool.” Peeking from the corner of his eye, he sees unease slightly contort Kihyun’s face. “You’re really helpful, Kihyun-ah. I’m just worried waiting for me consumes too much of your time.”

The worry washes away from Kihyun’s face, replaced with a bewildered look complete with rosy cheeks. “The poolside is a good study area and I’m not the only one there waiting too. And it’s not really noisy.”

“Not bothered by the constant splashing?” Hyunwoo grins.

“I’ve adapted,” Kihyun insists, cheeks still pinkish. “And it’s… honestly, hyung? It’s calming. Watching you swim, I mean.”

Hyunwoo’s eyes widen as Kihyun looks up at him, cheekbones high as he smiles. “You’re very graceful in the water, hyung. It’s almost hypnotizing.”

Kihyun’s smile turns soft and his eyes fill with fondness, reminiscent of the look he gives Hyunwoo before they jump in the river back then in their childhood.

Hyunwoo only returns to reality when Kihyun turns to face the sidewalk ahead again. How long they have been staring at each other, he wonders, but he doesn't ask.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Last night, Hoseok has complained about a morning exam he isn't ready for because their professor has  _taught nothing but crap_.  Hyungwon doesn't bat an eye, Kihyun lectures him about studying that _crap_ anyway, and Changkyun steals a beef strip from Hoseok's bowl of ramen.

But Hoseok has that glint in his eyes as he tells Kihyun he isn’t worried. Hyunwoo can only guess.

Today, he wakes up to pitter patters crackling on his room's air conditioner.

Walking to the dining room, he finds Hoseok nestled on the couch with a bowl of ramen he has taken home from the restaurant last night. Hyunwoo yawns and Hoseok waves at him. “Made orange juice, hyung. It's in the fridge,” Hoseok says in a cheery voice. “Tell me if it's nice.”

“I will,” Hyunwoo says, yawning once more.

He pours himself a glass of Hoseok's homemade orange juice after plunging two slices of bread in the toaster. He takes a sip -  _It's good, sour enough_  - and overhears the 7 AM weather report on television, catching the words 'unexpected’ and 'heavy downpour'. He hears Hoseok’s obnoxious ringtone (one of Minhyuk’s memorable screams after losing an important game) before Hoseok begins waving his phone around with a maniacal grin on his face.

Hyunwoo's guess is correct after all.

“What're you cheering for?” Hyunwoo begins, feigning innocence. Hoseok quickly regains his composure, but the joy in his eyes still remain.

“Our professor said our exam will be moved to Friday because the rain leaked onto the exam sheets. Oh, and his car broke down, so he won't make it today too,” Hoseok answers. He tries to chew down his delight, but even Hyunwoo's groggy vision can make out the mischievous curl on Hoseok’s lips.

“You really shouldn't be using your gift this way,” Hyunwoo says.

Hoseok smirks. “Kihyunnie's rubbing off on you.”

“I'm just saying. Won't your father tell you off or something?”

“Dad doesn't mind. I don't do it often. And it's easier to understand wonky weather than surprise meteor showers,” Hoseok replies, standing up from the couch.

The toaster finally pushes up the crispy brown slices of bread. Hoseok approaches the dinner table, bowl in hand, and sits across Hyunwoo while the latter begins coating the toasted slices with butter.

“But you will study for that exam, right?” Hyunwoo asks. Hoseok nods in reply immediately.

“Yeah. I just need more time because my notes are kinda incomplete. I'd ask Kihyun to lend, but the last time I did, he chewed my ear off. My fault, though. Played hooky a lot,” Hoseok answers.

Hyunwoo raises a brow. “Kihyun?”

“Ah! Yeah, yeah, Kihyun's my classmate. Sociology,” Hoseok says. “Glad Kihyun isn't a demi or he'd immediately know today's my fault. He’s going to hammer me with sarcastic messages later, I’m sure.”

Hyunwoo chuckles and gives Hoseok the first slice of buttered toast. Hoseok looks at Hyunwoo with thankful eyes. “Really, hyung?”

“Energy for you to study, I guess,” Hyunwoo says, even though he's sure it doesn't make sense. He just really wants to share.

“Kihyunnie really is rubbing off on you,” Hoseok laughs. “Not a bad thing, but your approach is nicer. Like a dad.”

 _Strong words_ , Hyunwoo thinks, considering how they haven't been exactly raised with father figures.

 

 

 

 

 

 

In fairness, Hoseok really knows how to stir up a very rainy day enough to suspend classes for preschoolers to high schoolers. College students, of course, still have the displeasure of ongoing classes. Minhyuk, in particular, has messaged everyone in their group chat to pray for his survival if the rain decides to last until the evening. Of course, Hyunwoo knows it's a joke, and the true intent behind his words is calling out Hoseok's shenanigans.

During his last class, Hyunwoo receives a text message that swimming practice is cancelled because of the weather (which doesn't really make sense, since they use an indoor pool). He still decides to go there, since he’s still allowed to swim and it’s the perfect time to have the pool all to himself. He informs Kihyun immediately and receives an answer just as swiftly, with Kihyun saying he’s going to stay in the Chaes’ flower shop to help Hyungwon prepare bouquets.

He smiles at the reply. Despite all the complaints Kihyun makes about Hyungwon’s sleeping habits, he still dotes on Hyungwon almost as much as he does on Changkyun. And Hyungwon will truly appreciate whatever assistance Kihyun gives him, as Hyunwoo knows Hyungwon dislikes being alone in his family’s flower shop.  _I feel trapped there sometimes, hyung_ , Hyungwon has confessed before,  _I always have to stay in the garden because I’m cursed._

Cursed isn’t exactly the right word, since Hyungwon himself is a demigod. With the way Hyungwon makes the flora and fauna of nature bend to his will, Hyunwoo believes Hyungwon’s power is the most impressive. He’s also notorious for involuntarily summoning frogs when he’s bothered, much to Minhyuk’s and Hoseok’s suffering. But as the son of the Forest Goddess, Hyungwon’s strongest gift has been exploited to produce the most beautiful flowers in the country for profit. It doesn’t help either that the Forest Goddess takes on a human form and pioneers their business, oblivious to the feelings and interests of her own son even though she probably means well. Hyunwoo has once asked Hyungwon why he doesn’t speak up, but the appearance of a frog makes him realize the matter is too complicated to touch without Hyungwon’s consent.

 _At least Dad isn’t like that_ , Hyunwoo thinks. He has only talked to his father face-to-face four times, and two meetings have been solely to tell Hyunwoo of his friends being fellow demigods. But even with their brief talks, Hyunwoo knows his father watches over him whenever he swims on Earth’s natural waters. Sometimes he wonders if rivers have embraced him in the past in place of his father’s arms or if the sea touching his feet in beaches are his father’s way of saying hello. There are so many questions he wants to ask, so many things he doesn’t understand. He wants to know the true extent of his gifts, if it can further controlling water or breathing when submerged, and the reason why his father can’t leave the seaside.

 _If you wish to speak to me, I’m always a river away,_ his father has told him. It has been their last talk on the last day Hyunwoo has spent in their old neighborhood before moving away for college. The way his father supports him gives Hyunwoo comfort, and he wishes he can turn back time to apologize to his father and tell him they won’t speak to each other for a long time even when they both know Hyunwoo has so many things he wants to talk about.

But he can’t afford to worry Kihyun again. Hopefully, his father is understanding enough.

 

 

 

 

 

“Hyunwoo hyung.”

In his mind, Hyunwoo laughs. He’s been so accustomed to Kihyun being around when he swims that he can hear Kihyun call him at times.

“Hyunwoo hyung,” echoes in his head again, a little louder. Hyunwoo opens his eyes and sees the glow of the water’s reflection on the pool area’s ceiling. He paddles his feet a little, floating himself away from the pool edge. It feels so good to have the pool all to himself, he thinks. Even though he spends most of his time in water, swimming without a care for records is something he misses. Swimming for sport makes his energy flow into moving the water, but tonight he reinvigorates with the flow of energy towards him.

He inhales deeply and smiles. It won’t do harm to thank Hoseok for the rain.

“Hyunwoo, you’re going to shrivel into a prune!” Kihyun’s voice yells, catching Hyunwoo off guard. That is definitely not in his head anymore.

He flaps his arms in surprise, splashing water so wildly that Kihyun begins snorting. His feet touch the pool floor as he finds Kihyun a few feet in front of him, crouching on the poolside with his eyes squinted into thin lines from laughing. “You’re here,” Hyunwoo says, still dazed.

“Yeah, well, Hoseok hyung has been texting and calling you, but you weren’t answering. So he asked me to pick you up instead,” Kihyun says with a small quirk on his lips. Hyunwoo can hear the underlying chastises about him ignoring his phone.

“Why you?” Hyunwoo asks. Kihyun’s smile drops into a look of surprise, which Hyunwoo mirrors once he realized what he has said. “Uh, I mean, if he’s looking for me, why did he send you?”

Kihyun coughs, wiping away his shock. “Because he’s studying for our exam. The one that got cancelled earlier. He told you that, right?”

“Yeah, he di-wait, you should be studying too, then,” Hyunwoo says. His eyebrows scrunch together, bothered at why Hoseok has inconvenienced Kihyun to look for him rather than going to Hyunwoo himself.

Kihyun, however, snorts again. “Don’t worry too much, hyung. He wanted to come here too but I told him he should stick to studying. Unlike him, I’m very well prepared for that exam.”

Hyunwoo doesn’t question it and instead swims towards Kihyun’s direction. He takes advantage of his ability to breathe underwater to move faster. He throws his head back once his fingers touch the pool edge, his eyes meeting the open palm of Kihyun’s hand in front of him. It feels like a normal practice day, much to his mirth, and he takes Kihyun’s hand, smooth on his touch.

“Ah, hyung, your hand is really pruny,” Kihyun grumbles. “How long have you been here?”

Hyunwoo checks the clock on the wall and cringes. 7:04, it read. He had started swimming at 4:45.

“Around two hours,” he whispers. Kihyun rolls his eyes.

“Not surprised,” Kihyun sighs exasperatedly. He exhales loudly, his eyebrows creased in annoyance, but his lips slowly curl into a small smile. Then comes Kihyun’s gentle pull, and Hyunwoo pushes himself up with his other hand, the younger boy moving backward as Hyunwoo’s feet step on the poolside. He shakes his head a little until the droplets of water on his forehead fly off. Some of them hit Kihyun’s face, from the way he chuckles softly.

“Ah, sorry,” Hyunwoo says.

Kihyun snorts, pulling out a blue towel from the supplies bench nearby. He points at the empty spot beside the pile of towels and looks at Hyunwoo, who understands immediately and sits down. He feels the soft fabric touch his head before Kihyun begins toweling his hair. Kihyun sings an unfamiliar song softly as his eyes squint in concentration, fixed on Hyunwoo’s already disheveled hair.

Hyunwoo closes his eyes, lulled by Kihyun’s sweet, sleep-inducing hums.

“Don’t sleep on me, hyung. You’re still dripping and we’re still going to eat dinner,” Kihyun chides.

Just like their usual routine. Sometimes, Hyunwoo finds it as comforting as floating on water.

 

 

 

 

 

 

As Hyunwoo has expected, the coach makes the team do extra warm-ups and extra laps to make up for their impromptu rest day. He doesn’t let them leave early either, though for a different reason.

“Our team’s last win in the nationals was five years ago. I don’t know about you, but I am sure as hell tired of the losing streak!” he bellows at them, opening the discussion of the team’s swim-off two Saturdays from now. The spring semester is almost halfway done, and it’s a must for the team to choose representatives for rigorous training during the summer break.

The team coach knows Hyunwoo is a huge asset, emphasizing the importance of proper exercise and constant practice to build the perfect swimmer while pointing at Hyunwoo. He compares it to baking the perfect cake and ends up droning about some boy asking his daughter out. Hyunwoo easily fights back a smile at first, but Kihyun stifling giggles at the sidelines is slowly making it hard for him.

Minhyuk often asks why Hyunwoo still holds back his true potential in swimming when he can clearly sweep the international record. But Hyunwoo insists he handicap himself instead of using his ability to breathe underwater. It proves difficult for him to control it, and all the training he has done is to learn how to gasp for air and hold his breath like normal humans do. Hoseok admires Hyunwoo's honesty, while Minhyuk believes Hyunwoo will always be a stroke ahead from other swimmers because he's a demigod.

They get dismissed after the coach gets back on track, but not before showing them the sign-up sheet by the pool area corkboard. Hyunwoo signs up for 100 meters Freestyle and Butterfly, his two specialty strokes, for the first time in his entire stay in the swim team. He has trained himself for years to improve his handicapping, enduring skepticism from Kihyun and Jooheon for the past two years he hasn’t signed up for the nationals. He also gets asked if he wants to be part of the Men's Relay line-up as well, but he declines politely. His other teammates deserve to shine as much as he does.

Kihyun naturally tells their group of friends about the swim-off. Hyunwoo ends up with a phone bursting with too many notifications as he goes online. The gist of said notifications are Changkyun promising to watch, Jooheon booking it in their group chat calendar, Hyungwon sending a thumbs up emoji, Hoseok volunteering to bring snacks, and Minhyuk pushing back the others’ messages with stickers.

Their support remains overwhelming for Hyunwoo despite the many years they have all gathered to watch him swim. Even when they have first met Changkyun a year ago, the youngest boy has been quick to take interest in his competitions. Jooheon declares himself as Hyunwoo’s number one fan since he has first seen Hyunwoo’s  _rad freestyle_ and  _sweet butterfly_ during Hyunwoo's first year in college. He even jokes that he has chosen the same university as Hyunwoo just to watch him swim. And Hyungwon, even with the knowledge of Hyunwoo’s identity as the Ocean God’s son, regards Hyunwoo’s swimming as  _a sight the gods would adore and envy._  Sometimes Hyunwoo wishes he can see what they see, what beauty they claim his swimming figure to have.

He remembers Kihyun’s words again. His swimming,  _almost hypnotizing_.

The pit of his stomach goes aflutter. Is it why Kihyun always spends his time in the pool area?

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Go away, hyung,” Changkyun scoffs at Hoseok as he jots down on a plastic cup with a black marker. Minhyuk lets out a high-pitched squeal and pokes a pouting Hoseok’s arm, only to be stared at by Changkyun with a dull expression. He clicks his tongue to catch their attention. “You too.”

Hyunwoo drags the crestfallen brothers to a distant table, far enough to hide them from Changkyun’s view. The boy must be disgruntled to have to work on a Sunday, and being cooed on the counter by both Hoseok and Minhyuk has probably struck a nerve. Kihyun, meanwhile, seems to relish in the two suffering from Changkyun’s very rare crankiness.

“He isn’t usually like that,” Minhyuk mumbles, resting his chin on the table. He groans in frustration and buries his head under his arms.

Kihyun flicks Minhyuk’s left hand. “You’re good in mood making, but you’re terrible in reading the atmosphere.”

“Am not,” Minhyuk grumbles. “Changkyunnie usually plays along when we tease him.”

“Not today. He usually studies for the Suneung on Sundays, remember?” Kihyun reminds.

“And schoolwork is piling up too,” Hoseok adds. His stare moves to the counter, watching Changkyun move around with plates and paper bags in his hands. Hyunwoo reads Hoseok’s concern with every twitch of his brow or lip while looking at Changkyun move at the pace of his co-workers. “He should’ve cut work.”

“I tell him that sometimes,” Minhyuk sighs, face still hidden from everyone around the table. “Don’t take shifts if you don’t want them. He doesn’t even have to work today, he’s just covering for someone else! But he says he’s so close to getting that laptop he wants.”

“Kkukkungie works too hard sometimes,” Hoseok says, finally tearing his eyes away from the busy younger boy. “Sometimes I feel he’s more of an adult than I am.”

Kihyun shakes his head. “Let’s face it – our dongsaengs are earning more than we are. Jooheon has his scholarship allowance and Hyungwon is going to inherit the most successful flower shop in the country.”

“Speaking of, why didn’t you two bring your roommates?” Hoseok asks. He points at Minhyuk. “Don’t make Jooheon sleep the entire Sunday away.”

Minhyuk moves his head and squints at Hoseok. “I think you’re referring to Hyungwon on that. And no, Jooheonnie is still making that gigantic-ass banner for Hyunwoo hyung. Frog Lips is helping him out. Surprised he came over early with a huge flower basket. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think he was going to ask Jooheon out.”

Hyunwoo blinks. “Banner?”

“Oh. Oh, shit.” Minhyuk slaps a hand over his mouth. “Pretend you didn’t hear anything.”

“So that’s what the flowers are for,” Kihyun grins, snapping his fingers. He glances at Hyunwoo with excitement glimmering in his eyes. “Last night, he brought home flowers with the brightest colors I’ve ever seen. He said they’re Alstroemeria flowers.” His face slowly falls. “But I have no idea why he’s bringing them this early.”

Hyunwoo smiles at Kihyun. “Don’t worry too much. I think the effort is enough.”

“But won’t it cause a bad omen? Alstroemeria flowers are for wishing success, but if the petals wilt–“

“It’s Hyungwon,” Minhyuk interrupts, smiling lazily. “Trust the flower boy’s extra green thumb.”

Hoseok elbows Minhyuk underneath the table, the latter grunting softly. Minhyuk has always been the most casual about their gifts. It isn’t the first time he implies the existence of their abilities, and sometimes Hyunwoo wonders if Minhyuk really wants to expose them on purpose.

Kihyun notices the obvious kerfuffle and raises a brow, but Hoseok feigns ignorance and Minhyuk returns to burying his head under his arms.

“You know, I don’t really get why you call Hyungwon ‘Frog Lips’,” Kihyun remarks. Hyunwoo sighs to himself, knowing this is another story they can’t tell Kihyun.

Before Minhyuk can speak, Hoseok visibly elbows him again. “Because his lips are big,” Hoseok answers.

“And? Frogs don’t even have lips,” Kihyun snorts.

“It’s Minhyuk’s logic,” Hoseok replies, his voice almost cracking. He clearly wants to close the discussion and even glances at Hyunwoo for help.

But before Hyunwoo can speak, a tray donning drinks and desserts land on their table. Changkyun slowly distributes the cups, plates, and tissues without looking at any of them, but Hyunwoo notices his ears are glowing red.

“Kkukkungie,” Hoseok says softly, worriedly. Changkyun doesn’t look at him and places the tray in front of his chest before bowing.

“Please enjoy your lunch,” Changkyun says in a whisper before stepping away.

Hyunwoo expects Minhyuk to call after Changkyun, but he’s focused on his drink instead. A little too focused, if anything, with the way he’s boring a hole on the plastic cup with his stare. Even Hoseok is staring at his cup, his ears turning red as well. Has Changkyun placed something weird in their drinks?

“Idiot hyung,” Hoseok reads. He holds his cup in front of Hyunwoo’s and Kihyun’s faces, and Kihyun almost spits out his hot tea.

“Idiot boyfriend,” Minhyuk pouts, showing his cup to them too.

“Serves you both right,” Kihyun laughs. “He put ‘superior hyung’ on mine.”

“You must’ve read ‘ugly’ wrong,” Minhyuk sneers.

Hyunwoo takes a peek at Kihyun’s paper cup, which reads ‘mother hyung’ instead. On his reads ‘swimmer hyung’, making him laugh a little. As he takes a sip of his Iced Americano, he notices the little tissue beside Minhyuk’s chocolate cake with Changkyun’s messy scrawl.

“Minhyuk, there’s something on your tissue,” he says. Minhyuk quickly grabs the piece of tissue, his little pout slowly replaced by his trademark sunshine smile.

“What does it say?” Kihyun asks, craning his neck over to Minhyuk’s side.

“He’s sorry for being grumpy and that he loves me,” Minhyuk smiles. “He’s such a darling.”

Kihyun clears his throat. “Even when you two kept shitting on him earlier, Changkyun’s still the one who apologizes. That’s kind of unfair.”

“I was going to apologize, but he left immediately,” Hoseok complains, biting his lip. “I guess I’m the only one who has to say sorry, since he’s forgiven Minhyuk.”

“I think he forgave the both of you, but he still deserves the spoken apology,” Hyunwoo says, placing a hand on Hoseok’s shoulder. The latter doesn’t smile back and lets out a heavy exhale.

Minhyuk, meanwhile, sighs with a dreamy look in his eyes. “He’s a sweetheart. I really love him.”

“I think I’ve heard that a thousand times already,” Kihyun says wryly, rolling his eyes.

“And I’ll repeat it a thousand more if I have to,” Minhyuk says with a determined look. “Changkyun deserves the world and so, so much more. I’d literally give him all the stars in the sky, even if they can never outshine the light in his eyes, and I’d make more shooting stars to grant everything his heart wishes for.”

Hoseok elbows him again, this time a little stronger and definitely more painful, almost pushing Minhyuk off the couch and making him yelp in agony. While Minhyuk rubs his now sore forearm and shoots Hoseok a wide-eyed glare, Kihyun shakes his head and calls Minhyuk a hopeless romantic for spouting impressive yet impossible poetic gibberish.

Hyunwoo, however, is in awe of Minhyuk’s brevity yet profoundness in expressing his love for Changkyun. He sees the look Minhyuk sends at Changkyun’s way, and he realizes it must be hard for Minhyuk to hide what he truly is and what he can to do just for Changkyun.

His stare lands on Kihyun. In a way, he’s slowly grasping what Minhyuk feels deep inside.

 

 

 

 

 

Hyunwoo's days pass like a swift autumn breeze, and soon enough he finds himself scrambling to flank alongside his swimming teammates for another announcement. He hasn't really noticed how fast time has zoomed by, since he has occupied himself with his kinesiology assignments, swimming practice, and after-practice dinners with Kihyun. On days Hyunwoo doesn't swim, he joins Hoseok in his gym workouts. “For a change,” Hoseok has said. “Drills on land are just as important as your swimming training.”

Their team coach blows his whistle and announces that no one will practice, as it is their team's tradition before competitions. He enumerates reminders and advises them to sleep early lest they want to be eliminated for being no-shows. Tickets for the event have been sold out for the last two days, he tells them, and it's time for the team to show their grace and sportsmanship under competitive pressure.

Kihyun walks Hyunwoo home tonight, for once, repeating most of the coach's advice. “Don't go to the gym with Hoseok tonight, okay? You should really sleep early.”

“I know, I know,” Hyunwoo says with a grin. Kihyun’s known to buzz like a mother, much to their friends’ chagrin. Hyungwon’s, especially, who claims Kihyun doesn’t understand the concept of personal space during mornings. Minhyuk and Hoseok aren’t too far behind from him, often telling Kihyun he’s a walking recorder chockfull of nagging. But Hyunwoo finds it endearing, especially because Kihyun knows he can be a little forgetful even at the most commonsensical things.

“The 100 meter Freestyle is first,” Kihyun adds. “You know what that means.”

“Means I have to wake up early,” Hyunwoo answers. He places a hand on Kihyun's shoulder, feeling the stiffness of the other boy's body. “You okay?”

“I am, I am,” Kihyun huffs. “I'm just. Yeah. Nervous. Excited.”

Hyunwoo chuckles. “More than me.”

“You're finally going to try your chances into the nationals! It's a big thing, not just for you,” Kihyun explains, plunging his hands in his pants' pockets. “You've been swimming since we were kids. Look how far you've come.”

Kihyun takes a deep breath. “It makes me proud, you know. Seeing how much you've improved. Your front crawl used to be terrible. Minhyuk said you were like a dying goldfish when you did it before.”

“I was always better with Butterfly,” Hyunwoo says. Before he has received the gift of breathing underwater, Hyunwoo has found the front crawl more difficult in terms of gasping for air, since he gets bothered when water sloshes in his ear. Kihyun has had been the better one with it then.

“Until now, you are,” Kihyun beams. “It's like you're dancing when you swim it.”

“Not the 'two left feet' kind of dancing, I hope” Hyunwoo jokes. Kihyun smirks at him and lightly punches his arm.

“Course not,” Kihyun replies. “That would be me if I swam.”

Hyunwoo blinks in surprise. It's been a while since Kihyun mentions himself and swimming in the same sentence.

Kihyun begins humming to keep the atmosphere between them somewhat lively. Hyunwoo doesn't mean to be stunned, but he gets flashes of young Kihyun's face in his mind – once joyful in water, but slowly changes into terrified, traumatized, tearful. Sometimes Hyunwoo wants to know what exactly Kihyun, Minhyuk, and Hoseok have seen when the river suddenly swept him away.

“Kihyun,” Hyunwoo says, before realizing he did so. Kihyun's humming stops and glances at Hyunwoo with curiosity.

“Hm?”

Hyunwoo mentally curses. He doesn't mean to call him. “Uh...”

He sighs.  _Just ask it._

“D-do you miss… swimming?” he asks, his voice shrinking into softness.

Much to his relief, Kihyun doesn't look too fazed with the question. “Sometimes I do.”

“R-really?”

Kihyun smiles weakly. “Yeah. But I wish I didn’t,” he sighs. His lips curl downwards and press together, almost trembling. It takes another minute before Kihyun speaks again.

“I-I don't know, hyung. You don't know what really lurks in oceans or how they decide where to flow. Sometimes I wonder if it’s only nature’s force acting on water or if it has a force of its own.” He begins hesitating, his fingers fumbling with his bag’s strap, and takes another breath. “Rivers and seas lead to oceans too. They’re just as daunting.”

Hyunwoo only nods in acknowledgement, but Kihyun doesn’t see this. The space between them is now enveloped in silence foreign to Hyunwoo, a silence that twists his insides and shatters his comfort.  _I shouldn’t have asked_ repeats in his head, over and over and over and over and–

“I’m sorry, Hyunwoo. I know you miss swimming in rivers,” Kihyun says, breaking the iterating chants in Hyunwoo’s head. “Maybe one day, I’ll get over my fear.”

“Don’t apologize. It’s my choice not to swim in them. Nowadays I just swim to compete,” Hyunwoo tells him firmly.

“Since you said that, I’ll expect good performances from you tomorrow,” Kihyun replies, clearly wanting to lighten up the mood. His smile slowly emerges again, but Hyunwoo still feels a pang of guilt for distressing Kihyun. The way Kihyun’s eyes dim when he talks about the water still wracks Hyunwoo’s morale. And how Kihyun has speculated water has its own force…

For once, Hyunwoo feels more burden than bliss in being the Ocean God’s son.

 

 

 

 

 

Kihyun doesn’t stick around for long after they have reached Hyunwoo’s shared flat with Hoseok. They arrive to the sight of a topless Hoseok dancing in the living room, which garners judgmental looks Hoseok is pretty much used to nowadays. Before leaving, Kihyun pelts the lone shirt on the floor at Hoseok and tells him to make sure Hyunwoo eats a good dinner. An hour later, Hoseok takes Hyunwoo to the barbecue restaurant near their university, insisting it’s purely his plan and not because Kihyun just told him to. He also texts Minhyuk, though the latter replies he’ll be helping Jooheon on his cheering kit for the next day.

They help themselves with a stack of grilled pork and chicken, which Hoseok jokes as  _enough protein for your muscles tomorrow, hyung_  while slurping on ramen noodles. Hyunwoo downs most of the meat while Hoseok does more of the talking. He divulges the names of snacks he’s prepared for tomorrow and is very disappointed he hasn’t been invited to help out with Jooheon’s cheering kit. “I helped Changkyun with his project! I’m capable!” he whines before stuffing more noodles in his mouth.

“Minhyuk’s revenge for helping him?” he suggests jokingly. Hyunwoo laughs when a noodle string almost flies off Hoseok’s mouth, who then stays quiet and appears to be contemplating it.

“Did you get to apologize to him?” Hyunwoo asks.

“Kookang?” Hoseok asks. “Yeah. He also told me why he was angry that day.”

“Hmm? Why?”

A little smirk grows on Hoseok’s face. “That’s our little secret.”

Hyunwoo rolls his eyes. “Then why did you mention it in the first place?”

“Satisfaction of knowing something that only I know,” Hoseok gloats.

"This is why Minhyuk doesn’t invite you,” Hyunwoo chides, earning Hoseok’s low snorts in reply.

They finish their dinner in high spirits. Much more for Hyunwoo when Hoseok declares he’s going to pay, recalling that Hoseok has won a week’s worth of lunch money in a scratch card lottery a few days ago. But as they leave the restaurant, Hoseok grabs Hyunwoo’s wrist and drags him away from the route headed back to their dorm.

“Come with me first, hyung. It’s still early,” Hoseok says.

“Where are we going?” Hyunwoo asks.

“Han River. Your dad was in my dream while I was napping in class. He wants to see you.”

He stays silent throughout their walk to the station and their trip on the train. Even Hoseok is quiet, probably asking the same question in Hyunwoo’s mind –  _Why didn’t he visit me instead? And why tonight?_ There’s no way he’ll turn the chance down anyway, not when he admittedly misses his father. Is his father unaware of this? Is he worried about why Hyunwoo hasn’t visited? Or is he as omnipresent as the God of the Heavens? Does he know about Hyunwoo’s fretful thoughts about being his son?

“You look too worried, hyung,” comes Hoseok's voice, taking Hyunwoo back from his befuddled thoughts. He only realizes now that they're free from the busy station and its bustling crowd, a few minutes away from Hangang Park on foot.

Hoseok places a hand on Hyunwoo's shoulder. “Um… do you want to. Uh. Talk about it?”

Hyunwoo feels hesitant at first, but he knows he needs to let out his frustrations somehow. It's usually Minhyuk he talks to whenever he needs to talk about his demigod problems (which are very rare to begin with) because Minhyuk often initiates the demigod-centric conversation and voices his frustrations about his father’s absences. Hoseok is more grounded on mortal living and less open with his true feelings towards their father, and the most he and Hyunwoo have discussed in relation to their demigod status are about controlling abilities.

But maybe having Hoseok by his side tonight is a blessing. He's just as close to Kihyun as Minhyuk is. And he doesn't have an influenced view on the water unlike Minhyuk, who can't swim and will probably side with whatever Kihyun says in this matter regardless of knowing that there's a god behind it all.

“Big day tomorrow, can't have you rattled,” Hoseok says with an assuring smile, almost as if he’s read Hyunwoo’s mind. Then again, Hyunwoo’s conflicted expression has probably given him away.

“Did you have a fight with your dad?” Hoseok asks.

Hyunwoo shakes his head. “No. I haven’t actually talked to him since we left home.”

“What? That’s… three years? Not even in dreams? On your birthdays?” Hoseok looks unconvinced. “You visit Han River during your birthdays.”

“He has a funny way of greeting me. But he never leaves the river. And I never touch it.”

“Because you feel guilty about Kihyun?”

Silence means yes, a message Hoseok quickly grasps. “If Kihyun finds out about this, then both of you are going to feel unnecessary guilt. So please don’t be too hard on yourself.” His voice is firm, almost reprimanding, which Hyunwoo has only heard him use on Minhyuk.

“Kihyun can feel that there’s more to the ocean than just nature’s force,” Hyunwoo says. “And that’s what scares him.”

Hoseok softly exhales. “So he’s afraid of your dad.”

“He doesn’t know my dad exists,” Hyunwoo reminds.

“My mom doesn’t know my dad exists either,” Hoseok shrugs. “It’s total bullshit. You wouldn’t be worrying about Kihyun, I wouldn’t be worrying about Mom, if we were allowed to tell them.”

Spite clearly thunders in Hoseok’s voice, and Hyunwoo can’t blame him at all. Hoseok’s mother has faced hardships due to the decision of Hoseok’s father to leave her with no memory of his identity. For years, Hoseok has listened to whispers about his mother,  _how unfortunate to have conceived through a drunken haze_ , and about him,  _how lucky to have been an accident still loved by his mother_. Hyunwoo knows that Hoseok has confronted the God of the Heavens about this matter, but Hoseok has never spoken about the aftermath.

Hoseok sighs and runs a hand through his pitch-black hair. “But your dad is nice,” Hoseok says. “Your mom knows, right?”

Hyunwoo slowly nods. “She does.”

“Lucky. Dad probably thinks having a kid with a mortal isn’t enough to let them know he exists,” he says softly with a bitter tone. “But life’s better. Mom’s better off not knowing. Kihyun’s another story, though.”

“Do you think there’s another way for mortals to know?” Hyunwoo asks.

“Tried asking Hyungwon’s mom back when I was still desperate, but she’s too caught up with ‘mastering the art of being human’ to even pay attention,” Hoseok groans. “She’s not a terrible mom. I mean, come on, she willingly takes on a human form to raise Hyungwon on her own. But she’s too… fuck, I should keep my mouth shut before some random tree decides to crush me on Her Royal Forest’s behalf.”

“Maybe you should,” Hyunwoo hums in amusement. It seems Hoseok knows more about Hyungwon’s situation, but he doesn’t press further.

“You know, your dad is just like you,” Hoseok grins. “I mean, I have no idea what he really looks like because he appeared like a giant blob of water to me, but the way he talks is so you.”

“So me,” Hyunwoo repeats, skeptical of whatever that means. He knows he has his father’s build and eyes, but since Hoseok says it’s not a physical aspect, then what the hell is he talking about?

Hoseok lets out his low goofy laugh. “You two have big voices and are kinda awkward.”

Hyunwoo squints at the younger man. “Awkward? Dad?”

“You must be the Son of the Day Glow,” Hoseok suddenly booms in a forced low voice. “Good… afternoon. Are you close with my son? Hyunwoo. He’s my son.”

Hyunwoo rolls his eyes. His father does have a deep voice, but he doesn’t sound like that ridiculous pink cartoon starfish. “That doesn’t sound like Dad. Or me.”

“I’m sorry I don’t have Minhyuk’s talent in voice acting. But I think I captured it pretty well,” Hoseok snorts, raising his head. “Oh, we’re here.”

Hyunwoo gazes at the bridge towering above them, hiding them under shadows away from the public. Even at this hour, families and couples are having picnics in the park’s riverside. Maybe it’s because it’s Friday, or maybe the majority are tourists.

He glances down at the water lapping on the cobblestone border, streaming calmly with distorted reflections of golden lampposts and silver ferry lights. He crouches closer to the river, and a bright electric blue glow bubbles against the water’s murky evening hue. Hoseok lets out a gasp and squats right next to Hyunwoo, eyes wide in wonderment. “Whoa, so cool!”

Hyunwoo nods, but he doesn’t tell Hoseok that he isn’t sure what to do. Will his father rise from the water, or is he supposed to jump in the spot? It’s difficult to concentrate with Hoseok making sounds like a giddy toddler.

 

_Hands in the water._

 

His father’s voice.

Hyunwoo rubs his hands together before dipping them in the aquamarine glow. The icy river’s touch makes his nerves shiver and the light effervesces tickle his skin, yet these sensations fade from him as he closes his eyes. Coldness envelopes him like a bubble and he feels his body float and his feet touch nothingness. Then the coldness vanishes, and a rush of wind prickles against his skin and whooshes through his hair. He opens his eyes and finds himself back on his feet, standing in his father’s underwater cave with his father across him. He can vaguely make out his father’s facial features or the dips of his muscles with how transparent he is against the cave wall.

“Why… are you in your water form?” Hyunwoo asks.

“I’m in a rush. Oil spill somewhere,” his father answers. Then, silence.

Maybe Hoseok does have a point of them being awkward. After all, this is their first talk after three years. Hyunwoo doesn’t know where to start, and his thoughts can’t even form a proper sentence for him to speak out.

“How are you, Hyunwoo?” his father begins. Hyunwoo can’t tell if he’s smiling or not. “I heard that you have a big swimming competition tomorrow.”

Hyunwoo laughs softly. His father is updated on his life, surprisingly. “I thought swimming pools are out of your domain.”

“They are.” He pauses. “Your mother told me.”

He stays still for a moment. He and his mother exchange messages every day, but this is the first time he’s heard about this. “Your mother and I talk every day. She visits the river after work.”

“She hasn’t told me,” Hyunwoo says.

“I know,” his father confesses. “I asked her to, in case it would infuriate you.”

“That… that wouldn’t make me angry,” he answers. Is this why his father has asked Hoseok to bring Hyunwoo? Does he really think Hyunwoo’s angry?

His father lets out a sigh of relief. “I’m happy to hear that.”

Another awkward silence wraps around them before Hyunwoo speaks. “I’m swimming Freestyle and Butterfly, 100 meters. I’m aiming for the nationals.”

“Nationals? I do not quite understand what that means, but I can ask your mother tomorrow.”

Hyunwoo smiles at the fondness in his father’s voice. It’s comforting to know his parents are amicable with one another.

“I just wanted to wish you luck personally,” his father says. Even though the god is in his alternate form, Hyunwoo can make out a smile in his face. A rush of affection surges through Hyunwoo, enough for him to forget his afternoon qualms on Kihyun’s fear and his buried guilt on avoiding his father’s domain. His father still obviously cares, and it’s not just Hyunwoo alone who has doubts on how to approach their relationship.

“Thank you.”

“May the water bless you, son.”

He blinks once, and he’s back on the surface with clammy hands in the water and Hoseok sitting beside him with crossed legs, observing him like a knight protecting his king on a seemingly harmless evening. He tries to hide the disappointment of their talk getting cut short when Hoseok bombards him with questions with a cheerful smile.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Arriving an hour early in the venue has its benefits, with Hyunwoo’s favorite being the chance to gaze at the clear water sparkling bright aquamarine. He breathes in the faint scent of pool chlorine and stretches his arms above his head.

He’s ready to conquer.

He leaves his cell phone with Hoseok, who’s still on the verge of sleepiness and hogging several seats in the audience balcony, while he roams around the pool perimeter. The district’s swimming gym is impressive, from its maintained cleanliness and its expanding audience area, and Hyunwoo is still in awe that it’s his turn to swim here.

Jooheon, Hyungwon, and Kihyun arrive after thirty minutes, all donning dark red shirts, just like Hoseok. A slither of silver peeks through the zipper of Jooheon’s bag and a thick black cloth rests on Hyungwon’s shoulder, both catching Hyunwoo’s attention.

“What’s that?” he asks, pointing at Jooheon’s bag.

Jooheon’s gaze follows where Hyunwoo’s pointing at and flinches, then pretends not to see the silver strand. Hyungwon’s yawning doesn’t give Hyunwoo any answers. Kihyun, on the other hand–

“Jooheonnie, take care of the pompoms,” Kihyun sighs, shaking his head.

Jooheon’s eyes bulge into the size of tennis balls. “Hyung!”

“It’s not like Hyunwoo hyung would see them while he’s swimming,” Kihyun retorts, crossing his arms. He turns to Hyunwoo and smirks. “Jooheon should really show you what he worked on.”

“It was a collective effort,” Jooheon says humbly. He grabs the black cloth on Hyungwon’s shoulder and begins unfolding it. Kihyun grabs the other end of the cloth until it’s fully unveiled – a huge black banner with Hyunwoo’s name spelled out in bright red flower petals. A groggy Hyungwon stands in the middle, still rubbing his eyes. “Hyungwon hyung helped me out with this.”

“So amazing how the petals are still fresh,” Kihyun grins.

“It’s like Hyungwon hyung has a magic touch,” Jooheon laughs. Hyungwon’s eyes spring open for reasons obvious to Hyunwoo.

“I-It’s not magic,” Hyungwon says almost too defensively. Thankfully, Kihyun and Jooheon aren’t questioning his sudden jumpiness.

Jooheon unzips his bag, exposing tiny pompoms made of silver streamers. He digs his arm further and pulls out long red cloths with Hyunwoo’s name written on them in white ink. “These ones, Minhyuk hyung helped me make, but Hoseok hyung bought the headbands. Changkyun bought the streamers for the pompoms.”

Hyunwoo glances at Kihyun. “So how did you help?” he asks jokingly.

Hyungwon suddenly claps his hands and wheezes with a big smile on his face, and Jooheon follows with a laughing fit. Kihyun’s eyes narrow at the younger boys. “Just so you two know, I’ve prepared something too.”

“Right,” Hyungwon teases with sarcasm in his tone. “You didn’t bring anything today.”

“It doesn’t have to be now,” Kihyun snaps back. The tips of his ears are already red, making Hyunwoo chuckle. “A-Anyway, go text Minhyuk. He can’t be late.”

“Changkyunnie texted. They’re on their way,” Jooheon answers as he fixes his bag.

Before Hyunwoo can ask why Minhyuk can’t be late, the team coach calls the present swimmers to the gym locker room for their showers, warm-ups, and clothes changing. Kihyun gently pushes Hyunwoo to the direction of the locker room, mouthing a ‘good luck’ at him with an eye smile. Jooheon hoots from behind, “See you later, hyung! We love you!”

 

 

 

 

 

“And lastly, we have Son Hyunwoo on the ninth starting block, a third year BS Kinesiology student, and one of the most promising swimmers of the team.”

“You’re not just saying that because you’re good friends with him, are you, Minhyuk-ssi?”

“We’re very good friends, but I’m not pulling out these details from thin air, Jaehyung-ssi. His current record for 100 meter Butterfly is 55.46 seconds! Pretty Olympic level, if I do say so myself.”

Jooheon’s yells overpower all the loud cheers behind him. He turns around and sees his friends standing by, sans a seated Kihyun, at the closest seats. All of them are wearing the headbands, with Jooheon and Hyungwon carrying the banner while Changkyun and Hoseok are waving around their pair of pompoms. Even from his distance, Hyunwoo notices how red Kihyun’s face is, probably from embarrassment caused by their loud friends, but his smile is still just as wide. He notices Hyunwoo glancing at them, and his smile softens, giving Hyunwoo two thumbs up before getting pulled up by Hyungwon to cheer with them.

“That does sound impressive! Even if this is the 100 meter Freestyle, I think I’m going to keep my eye out for him. Now, all the swimmers are getting ready–”

Hyunwoo takes that as a signal to move up the platform, taking brief glances at his teammates before pulling his blue-tinted googles on. He breathes in and out slowly before stretching his shoulders and neck.

“On your marks!” echoes throughout the entire gymnasium. Along with the rest of the swimmers, Hyunwoo bends down and fixes the position of his feet, swinging his arms straight one last time before placing his hands on the edge of his block. More slow breaths.

The crowd goes silent.

The sharp whistle blows. 

In a millisecond, Hyunwoo presses his hands together into position as he kicks off the starting block, curving his body and diving into the cool water, and holds his breath. His arms stretch, gliding his body into a streamline, and his legs kick together like fins after a few seconds, propelling him farther and farther from the pool edge half a meter underneath the surface. Then he begins kicking his legs separately and performing the front crawl, shifting between left arm, right arm, left arm–

 _Underwater phase over._ His head finally breaks into the surface of the water and he tilts his head. A breath. Then dips down again.

He repeats the movements. Left arm, right arm, left arm,  _breathe_. Left arm, right arm, left arm,  _breathe_. He pushes the water, pushes his arms, and hears the splashes behind him and the muffled cheers around him. The other end of the pool draws him closer, closer, closer, and he curls his body inwards, stretches his legs, and pushes himself forward again, half a meter underneath the surface.  _Dolphin kick, straight arms, don’t breathe._

He breaks the water surface again, first with his arms, next his feet, then his head. Movements repeat. Left arm, right arm, left arm,  _breathe_. He kicks and crawls faster, as does the pace of his heartbeats. He’s getting close, he can see the edge of the pool. One last stretch, just one–

His hand meets a vertical solid surface, and he pulls his head up for a long breath.

“Line nine! Son Hyunwoo finishes first!” Minhyuk’s voice exclaims. Hyunwoo quickly pulls off his goggles, still taking deep breaths. One by one, the other competitors slap the pool edge and gasp for breath, chests rising and falling rapidly. “By 58.01 seconds! What a feat! He’s my friend, everyone! Son Hyunwoo! Wait ‘til he starts swimming Butterfly!”

Hyunwoo quickly glances up and almost stumbles in surprise, finding a proctor looming above and next to his starting block rather than Kihyun.

 _Right_ , he laughs to himself. Kihyun can’t pull him up today.

He leans against the pool divider while Minhyuk’s co-commentator rouses the crowd with results, as Minhyuk has rendered himself too overjoyed to calm his screeching. He spots Jooheon and Hyungwon jumping with their made banner, Changkyun staring at the results board with a huge grin, and Hoseok dancing in place with an arm around Changkyun’s shoulder.

And then there’s Kihyun beaming right at him with his cheeks high. Hyunwoo can imagine the crinkles at the corner of Kihyun’s eyes and the soft laughs, maybe even praises, escaping his lips. Then Kihyun outstretches his hand, just like every time after Hyunwoo finishes swimming practice, and motions him to come up.

“Hyunwoo-ssi. Time to leave the water.”

Hyunwoo pulls himself up with the starting block, not even frustrated the slightest that the proctor has left him to do it alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jooheon is shownu's precious #1 fan, hyungwon is hella rich and smells like flowers, jaehyung is jae from day6, and i love changkyun
> 
> also, the roommates: shownu-wonho, minhyuk-jooheon, kihyun-hyungwon (lol yes they swat each other a lot)
> 
> thank you for reading! i'm sorry for the somewhat late update since the chapter is really long, i did not expect this but i'm not complaining. tried to put more details on the demis' relationships with their parents. feel free to ask if there's stuff that needs clearing! also if ever please drop a comment? :D


	3. stroke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Kihyun shouldn’t feel bad,” Hoseok says firmly, grabbing Hyunwoo’s attention back. “We don’t even know if he heard us.”

**stroke**

 ~

  _“Strokes require rhythm between body and breathing. One mistake can ruin the whole motion forward. A wrong foot paddle or arm bend is a lot, but Hyunwoo hyung always has his swimming under control. The way he coordinates every muscle movement and breath is why his swimming looks majestic and effortless. Almost… perfect.”_

_“That’s cute, Changkyunnie, but with all the years I’ve watched him turn swimming into an art form, I think perfect is an understatement.”_

 

* * *

 

 

Hyunwoo watches Jooheon and Minhyuk scramble like hyperactive toddlers and grab his gold medals resting on his duffel bag. Changkyun, at the other end of the couch, rolls his eyes and returns his focus on his crumb-filled plate, probably thinking to himself that Kihyun should never share any sweets he bakes with those two again. The two masquerade as swimmers doing the free crawl around the living room, cheeks exaggeratedly puffed up and eyes squinting behind imaginary goggles. Hoseok begins laughing, revealing the mouthful mush of cake he hasn’t chewed properly yet. It disgusts Hyungwon and Kihyun evidently, but it’s only Kihyun who nags Hoseok about never laughing with his mouth full.

“Maybe I should’ve made pie instead,” Kihyun laments as the two boys trample around the living room and make ridiculous splashing sounds.

“Pie isn’t as celebratory, hyung,” Changkyun comments. He swings around his fork holding a very small piece of the cake. “I’d take pie over cake, though, but this is pretty okay. Not too sweet.”

“You’re such a grumpy gremlin,” Hyungwon adds, smirking when Kihyun shoots a glare at him. “Let children be children.”

“What’s a gremlin?” Hoseok asks with furrowed brows. “I really don’t get the reference.”

“It’s from a movie, hyung. A gremlin is a fictional reptilian creature that loves destroying things,” Changkyun explains nonchalantly. Hoseok nods in interest, his expression contorted with confusion and repulsion at the same time.

Hyungwon grins at the younger boy. “I’m glad someone knows. Oh yeah, they’re also really short and really ugly. And gremlins multiply when they get wet, so I’m glad Kihyun hyung doesn’t swim.”

“I can’t believe you just called Kihyun small and ugly,” Minhyuk cackles. He stops in his tracks to clutch his sides, almost stumbling and tipping onto Jooheon as he laughs. “How are you even alive right now?”

“Trust me, he’ll be dead doing all the dishes and putting the trash out later,” Kihyun scoffs. Hyunwoo stifles a laugh as Hyungwon stares at the pile of pizza boxes, paper cups, and used tissues scattered on their living room table with his mouth ajar. “Now stop playing around with Hyunwoo hyung’s medals before I really turn into a gremlin.”

Minhyuk and Jooheon snicker in unison as they return Hyunwoo’s medals back on his bag. Hyunwoo doesn’t really mind them running around with his things, but he knows Kihyun just wants them to celebrate in a literal orderly fashion. The two boys are the main culprits for the carpet being muddied with cake crumbs now, and even Hyungwon is apprehensive of it.

Hyunwoo grabs another slice of pizza and leans against the couch. His friends are discussing gremlins in depth now with hilarious expressions, especially when Jooheon pulls out his tablet with a Google image search of the thing. Poor Kihyun gets pummelled with even more jokes now that Minhyuk and Hyungwon have teamed up to roast him, but Kihyun’s snappy comebacks have prompted Hoseok and Jooheon to snicker like little kids and Changkyun to record the spat on his phone.

 _This_ , Hyunwoo thinks, is the most unusual way to celebrate, but he can’t imagine it any other way. He’s exhausted mostly from interacting with so many people after his races, from all the handshakes he’s exchanged, thank yous that have left his lips, and even interviews for the university’s paper and radio station. Thankfully, mellowing things down with his friends in this rowdy gathering anchors him back to comfort.

He ought to thank Kihyun for planning all this, especially with how excessive it is. Not only did the younger boy bake him a cake with **CONGRATULATIONS HYUNWOO** iced on (which is now left at **CO HYUN** ), but he also managed to convince everyone except Hyunwoo to split with him for three boxes of pizza. If anything, it’s Hyunwoo who’s supposed to treat everyone because of his victory. He tries to say something about it to Kihyun when the pizzas have arrived earlier, but the younger boy immediately shot him a 'just-be-thankful' stare and smile. The stubbornness behind Kihyun's kind look immediately silences him, and he knows there's no point in trying to argue with Kihyun anymore.

Hyunwoo only notices his phone screen flashing 4 missed calls, all from his mother, while listening to Minhyuk talk about his commentator duties. He quickly slips from the room, mouthing, "My mom's calling," when his friends stop and glance at him, and waits for another call beside the bathroom. Soon enough, his phone buzzes in his hand.

“Congratulations, Hyunwoo dearest!” greets him immediately when he answers the call. His mother’s voice, gentle and light, tickles his heart and makes laughs bubble from his throat as she praises his feats. “Minhyuk shared a lot of videos in his account, but yours are the only ones he put comments on.”

Hyunwoo chuckles and stares at the doorway. He can see his friends still conversing happily with each other. “Ah, you two are friends?”

“He added me a long time ago,” she says. “You didn’t know?”

“I don’t really go online.”

His mother’s laugh echoes. “You should. You’re already hard to contact, and I’m your mother.”

“Sorry,” he smiles. “I’ll try.”

“Good. I received your pictures, by the way. You’ve had better-looking medals,” she jokes. “But once you win the Nationals, that’s another story.”

“We don’t even know if that’ll happen,” Hyunwoo says. He’s sure that his mother’s making a face of incredulousness at the other end of the line.

“You’re too modest at times. I know you’ll win.” She pauses. Hyunwoo can hear muffled voices, probably from the television. “I’m really proud of you, Hyunwoo. Your swimming form is beautiful. Your father says so too.”

Hyunwoo blinks. His father knows his swimming form? “How does he-”

“I showed him the video,” his mother interrupts, voice gleeful. “The one Minhyuk shared. He especially likes your Butterfly, and he feels you’re holding back.”

“I have to,” Hyunwoo replies.

“Of course, dear. I told him it’d be cheating if you didn’t handicap yourself. He thinks it’s noble of you.”

It’s… really nice to hear his father say positive things about him and his swimming. He tries not to exhale loudly, unsure of what to say. But his mother, ever so inquisitive, continues, “He’s just as proud as I am of you, and he wants to congratulate you personally.”

“D-Does he?” Hyunwoo stammers.

“Yes! He was even shy to admit it, but I know him well enough.” His mother laughs again, but Hyunwoo feels his gut churn. “Please, Hyunwoo, speak to him. I don’t know if you two had gotten into a fight or what, but your father misses you.”

Hyunwoo shakes his head even if his mother won’t see it. “No, we haven’t fought at all. I just barely have time to visit Han River,” he says. At least there’s some truth in that, but Hyunwoo still hates the small guilt he feels for his little fib.

“That’s a relief. I found it weird he asked me to hide the fact that we talk often, and I don’t want to pry on your matters with each other either,” she admits. “Tell me how it goes, okay? I love you!”

“Love you too,” Hyunwoo murmers. Then, a click.

 

 

 

 

 

“Earth to Hyunwoo,” Hoseok snaps. A painful smack lands on Hyunwoo’s bare shoulder, pulling him out of his daze. He slowly turns to his side and sees Hoseok wearing a look of mixed concern and annoyance.

“I-sorry, Hoseok,” Hyunwoo says. His gaze falls back on the ground as he feels shame crawl further up his spine. He hopes they get to Han River soon - the faster they get there, the quicker Hyunwoo’s stresses abandon him for a few moments.

“Kihyun shouldn’t feel bad,” Hoseok says firmly, grabbing Hyunwoo’s attention back. “We don’t even know if he heard us.”

Hyunwoo sighs. It’s easy for Hoseok to say those things. He isn’t the one who said the wrong thing at the wrong time, after all.

After the call with his mother, he had immediately summoned Hoseok to ask for his company in his visit to the river. By then, Kihyun had left to the kitchen while Jooheon had invited Hyungwon and Changkyun over for videogames. Hoseok at first had been reluctant, explaining he wanted to join the younger boys’ overnight plans. “Why not Kihyun?” Hoseok had asked.

“Because it’s the river, Hoseok,” Hyunwoo had replied. There were two clear reasons why inviting Kihyun instead wouldn’t sit well, and Hyunwoo can’t understand how Hoseok could forget.

“Um...” then had come a voice. Kihyun’s. They had no idea how long Kihyun had been standing there. The disappointment on Kihyun’s face was crystal clear to Hyunwoo, even though it had lasted for a blink of an eye. “You two are in the way. I have to use the bathroom.”

Hyunwoo doesn’t know if he should be thankful or annoyed that Hoseok eventually agreed to go with him because of that exchange. Kihyun had acted like nothing was wrong after leaving the bathroom and his tone had still been amicable towards Hyunwoo afterwards, but he couldn’t forget the brief look of hurt on Kihyun’s face.

Of all days he could upset Kihyun, it just had to be today.

“You really think he heard us?” Hoseok asks.

“We weren’t exactly whispering,” Hyunwoo huffs. The corner of his lips tug downwards.

A shaky, soft, and almost sad laugh leaves Hoseok’s lips. “Yeah… I guess that’s my fault.”

Hyunwoo wants to say out loud he agreed. Hoseok has acted strangely earlier while he’s explaining. He’d understand _no_ over _Why not Kihyun?_

“Sometimes I scold Minhyuk for being tactless, but I guess I’m being a hypocrite,” Hoseok adds. “Sorry, hyung. I wasn’t thinking earlier.”

“Are you still going to their sleepover?” Hyunwoo asks, glancing at the younger demigod. Hoseok’s forehead is slightly creased, probably from worry that Hyunwoo hasn’t addressed the apology. It doesn’t really bother Hyunwoo, for once.

“I don’t think so,” Hoseok says, pursing his lips to a thin line. “I don’t think I’ll get to play anyway. And Changkyun-ah cancelled suddenly too. I’ll just let Hyungwon hog Jooheon then.”

Hyunwoo raises a brow. “What does that have to do with anything?”

Hoseok lets out a soft laugh. “Ah, hmm. Hyung, you remember a few months ago when Hyungwon made birds poop on Minhyuk’s and my shoes, right?”

It’s a funny memory, but it only makes Hyunwoo more confused. “And… what does _that_ have to do with anything?” he repeats.

Hoseok rolls his eyes. “You could’ve laughed.”

“You weren’t laughing that day,” Hyunwoo retorts, smirking a little.

“That’s beside the point, hyung,” Hoseok says. “Okay, look. That day, we were at a park - I forgot where, we were just invited by Her Royal Forest - and we bought ice cream. We hung out at the benches near the ice cream stall and then Jooheon popped out of nowhere. Said he was with his younger bro and cousins and they asked him to buy ice cream, so Hyungwon helped him carry the cones ‘cause they were… uh, seven kids? And while we were waiting for him to come back, we noticed that he grew a trail of really nice flowers. We laughed at Hyungwon because he’s always growing flowers unintentionally when Jooheon’s around. But since he’s a shitty brat, he made birds shit on our shoes.”

Hyunwoo blinks. He hasn’t learned of Jooheon’s part in the bird poop story until now. “You know where I’m getting at, right?” Hoseok chirps.

“Go on.”

“This is why Hyungwon helped Jooheon out that much with his cheering kit. And you know, sometimes they visit underground DJing gigs. Without Changkyun.” Hoseok adds the last bit with emphasis.

“But Changkyun’s a high schooler. He won’t have time for that, especially because he has a job,” Hyunwoo says.

“No, hyung, they don’t tell him. Changkyun would ditch work for music gigs,” Hoseok replies. “I’d know. I invited him out three times.”

“And Minhyuk didn’t get mad at you?” Hyunwoo asks. Growing up with Minhyuk and Hoseok has taught Hyunwoo that despite Hoseok’s trademark sulkiness, Minhyuk’s constant clinginess makes him the jealous type. He does remember some of Minhyuk’s whining about Hoseok’s and Changkyun’s closeness. Oftentimes, Hyunwoo’s too busy thinking of swimming to mind, and that makes Minhyuk transfer his complaints to Kihyun.

_Kihyun._

“I met Changkyun first, hyung. Brought him to a couple of gigs before he and Minhyuk became a thing,” Hoseok explains. “Yeah… good times.”

Hyunwoo doesn’t respond. For a moment, Hoseok has managed to distract him with funny little memories, and yet Hyunwoo’s conscience finds a way to circle him back to remembering Kihyun.

“Hyung?”

“Mm.”

He hears Hoseok sigh beside him. “I’m really sorry. I was being stupid earlier. Meeting your dad obviously meant visiting the river, and it was a douchebag move for me to even suggest Kihyun.”

“I don’t know how to apologize to him,” Hyunwoo says, kicking a small pebble on the ground. They walk a few steps further in silence; Hoseok kicks the same pebble when they reach it.

“He’ll forget about it, knowing him.” Hyunwoo glances at Hoseok and sees the younger boy staring at him with surety. “If he really heard us earlier and his reaction was to pretend it never happened, then things will go back to normal, hyung.”

“How are you so sure?” Hyunwoo asks. Kihyun isn’t the type to accept things as hunky dory when they clearly aren’t. He demands for explanations, sometimes too forcefully if he has to. Hyunwoo’s not even sure if he has ever encountered Kihyun sweeping things under the rug just like earlier.

Hoseok tilts his head back as he exhales. “Kihyun would never want to fight you, hyung. Especially over his fear. He thinks he almost lost you once.”

Hyunwoo shakes his head again. “I really want to tell him. It’d make things easier for us.”

“No kidding,” Hoseok chuckles, head still tilted. Hyunwoo notices his irises move, as though Hoseok’s counting the stars as they walk. “Kihyun’s a nosy fella, I get stuck when he asks me about why this happened or why I did that. He’d find the bird shit story funnier if he knew the context.”

“Yeah. He would.” Hyunwoo feels his lips curl up a little and his heart squeeze a bit painfully. If they could only tell Kihyun, then he’d have scolded Hoseok for delaying their exam with rain or criticized Minhyuk for plucking an undiscovered constellation from the heavens to make Changkyun a bracelet charm. Maybe he’d have Hyungwon confess his troubles on the flower shop too or tease the lanky demigod about his flower-growing problem caused by Jooheon. And he wouldn’t ever think he almost lost Hyunwoo in their childhood.

“You think you could ask your dad about it?” Hoseok suddenly says with twinkling eyes. “It being allowing Kihyun in on our demigod status.”

Of course. Why hasn’t he thought about it? But then Hyunwoo remembers Hoseok has asked before to both the God of the Heavens and the Forest Goddess. Maybe there’s a reason they won’t tell him.

“What did your dad say when you asked him?” Hyunwoo asks.

Hoseok’s nose scrunches up as he scowls deeply. “Said humans can’t handle the idea of natural gods. That they aren’t worthy of the knowledge. Total bull, hyung. Your dad let your mom remember him.”

That sounds too harsh, even for a god. Hyunwoo wonders why the God of the Heavens bother to maintain the mortal world’s balance if that’s his view on people.

“I’ll ask,” Hyunwoo says. He tries to think of how to articulate it until Hoseok begins talking about how loud Jooheon and Hyungwon have been earlier during the competition. It’s still a long walk to the park since they accidentally went down one train station early, but Hyunwoo indulges Hoseok with a listening ear.

 

 

 

 

 

Hoseok calls Hyunwoo’s _river ritual_ the ‘dip dive’, based on yesterday’s experience. “You dip your hands and your soul dives. Pretty witty, huh?” Hoseok explains with child-like glee.

“Kinda,” Hyunwoo smirks. Years ago, back when Hyunwoo really does physically dive into the neighborhood river to meet his father, Hoseok has made the same joke with ‘deep dive’, almost with the same words too. _You swim deep in the river until you find the barrier and dive right through it. Cool, right? Shut up, Minhyuk! Hyung thinks it’s funny._

“Made you smile,” Hoseok grins. “Your deep dives were cooler, though.”

“Yeah. Soul diving feels weird,” he affirms. “It’s easier to go through the mortal-ethereal barrier when I actually swim, but I don’t have any extra clothes right now to dive.”

“Ah, you can always remove all your clothes right now.” Hyunwoo rolls his eyes and smacks Hoseok on the arm, earning a painful yelp from the younger man. Even though Hoseok has the bigger muscles, it amuses Hyunwoo that he’s still physically stronger (and taller).

“I’m not shameless like you,” Hyunwoo retorts, noticing Hoseok silently snort at the remark. “And we’re in public.”

“If we dragged Minhyuk along we could make a fog or something. Or wait, maybe it’s you who should - fog is water, right? I remember Changkyun saying something like that,” Hoseok suggests. “Sorry I’m kinda useless at night, hyung.”

Hyunwoo sighs and firmly places his hand on Hoseok’s shoulder, giving it a light squeeze. “I’m doing the dip dive.”

He feels Hoseok’s shoulder sag under his touch as the younger boy nods and presses his lips together. Then Hyunwoo walks towards the riverbank and sits cross-legged, leaning forward until his hands are fully submerged in the river. Hoseok sits beside him and hugs his knees, staring at Hyunwoo’s position.

“How do you do the dip dive, hyung?”

Hyunwoo shrugs. “I just focus to call him, I guess? I never tried this before… it’s Dad who summoned me yesterday and I’m only guessing this would work.”

“Ooh, like that glow yesterday,” Hoseok recalls in awe. “I should stop talking so you could focus, huh?”

“Hmm, yeah.”

Hoseok falls silent after one soft chuckle, and Hyunwoo looks back at his hands in the water before closing his eyes. He’s still unsure if this will work, but communicating the way they did yesterday must work two-way, right?

Hyunwoo exhales and focuses on the water. He feels ripples flow and ebb from passing boats meters away and from what floats and swims underneath his open palms. The river is cold but Hyunwoo seeps the energy of its motions until his fingertips tingle with warmth. With slow steady breaths, the river’s depths map out in his mind like a clear vision.

And he starts with a request. _I’d like to see my father, please_ , he thinks, like he usually does. In his mind, he recognizes an aquamarine glow near the riverbed bubble up closer and closer to him.

Just like yesterday, the bubbles tickle the skin of his wrists until coldness engulfs him again.

 

 

 

 

 

“Hyunwoo... you’re here.”

“Mom said you wanted to congratulate me personally.”

He slowly sits on the smooth cave floor. His father is across him, still in his water form. He stares at Hyunwoo for a moment before mirroring his sitting position.

“Congratulations, then,” the Ocean God says. Hyunwoo can make out the smile on the god’s transparent lips.

“It sounds a bit forced,” Hyunwoo says, an attempt to be funny. He doesn’t want a repeat of yesterday’s silent pauses. Thankfully, his father does laugh. It sounds like a deep rumble, and Hyunwoo realizes the stream separating them is wrinkled with ripples.

“I’m not good with words with the decades of solitude I’ve spent. I’ve only ever talked to the other gods and every being in the sea.” The god pauses and glances at the cave ceiling. “Dolphin is my best language, you know.”

It’s Hyunwoo’s turn to laugh. He’d try to imitate a dolphin, but it’s only Minhyuk who can do that without choking. “I’m not surprised,” he says between chuckles.

“Your mother was able to show me how you swam. You’re very graceful, Hyunwoo.” his father then says. Hyunwoo’s smile falls and his mouth hangs slightly ajar. “Some dolphins I’ve spent time with have races too, but your form is enchanting to watch.”

“R-Really?”

“Really. It’s a shame the - what did your mother call it? - ah, video, the video wasn’t focused purely on you. I couldn’t appreciate the other swimmers even if I wanted to.”

Hyunwoo lets out a puff of air. He’s still trying to comprehend the things his father has said. “Maybe it’s because I’m your son?”

And his father laughs. The stream ripples again. “Maybe. But I know beauty when I see it. You swim with so much ease.”

“Years of swimming and training,” Hyunwoo musters. His love for swimming and the water is as boundless as the oceans, yet Hyunwoo knows they aren’t enough to make him the athlete he is now. “I had a good coach in elementary school. He taught me to focus on swimming step by step, made me focus on all my movements. Now I don’t have to think about them – we call it muscle memory, it’s like second nature to me.”

“You should teach me how to swim,” his father says.

Hyunwoo raises a brow. “You’re the Ocean God,” he replies flatly.

“As the Ocean God, I don’t worry about drowning. I make water carry me or I just take this form. But wading through water in my human form?” The god laughs in a pitch close to Minhyuk’s annoying laugh. _Must be the dolphins_ , Hyunwoo thinks humoredly. “Did your mother even tell you how we first met?”

“No, she hasn’t,” Hyunwoo realizes. In fact, this is the first time he’s talking to his father this casually.

 _Bonding_. This is their first time.

“I’ll tell her to share it to you when you visit home. You will when summer arrives, right?”

Hyunwoo thinks for a moment. “Oh, well… I will visit, but I won’t stay there during my entire vacation. I have to train for the Nationals.”

“Ah… Nationals. I wish I could watch you on that day.”

“Can’t you leave the water? Even for a bit?” Hyunwoo asks. “And the only time I saw your human form was back home. When I meet you in the river.”

And then silence comes. A second passes, then two. “There are rules even gods can’t break,” falls on his ears at three.

 

 

 

 

 

“There are rules even gods can’t break. He told that to me when I asked if he can leave the ocean in his human form. And gave the same answer when I asked about letting humans know about their existence.”

Hoseok pouts when he hears this. Hyunwoo can’t blame him; obviously it’s what Hoseok’s been waiting for the entire half hour Hyunwoo has been with his father.

He pushes his hands further in the pockets of his sweatpants, hoping for warmth to un-prune his shivering hands. Beside him, Hoseok is fumbling with his transportation card holder, probably thinking of how to respond kindly.

“He didn’t say anything else?” Hoseok asks with knitted brows, looking almost like a sad kitten. He replies with a shake of the head.

“No.”

“Isn’t that weird? Your mom can remember,” Hoseok says.

Hyunwoo doesn’t really know how to explain that he hasn’t asked anything further. He knows his father’s tone and can make sense of the stream’s movements in the cave. Before he has thought of asking about his mother’s memory, the stream has suddenly stilled, and Hyunwoo doesn’t want to upset someone else tonight.

“It’s weird,” Hyunwoo admits.

“Guess he’s not talking either,” Hoseok sighs, pouting again. “What else did you talk about?”

Hyunwoo smiles softly. “It’s like we got to know each other earlier. Did you know he can’t swim?”

The disappointed look in Hoseok’s eyes quickly shift to wide-eyed surprise. “W-What? But he’s the Ocean God?”

“Exactly. Why does he need to swim if he’s the Ocean God?”

Hoseok smiles and rolls his eyes. “That’s sounds like Minhyuk’s logic.”

“Haha, yeah.”

“Speaking of Minhyuk, did he say anything about us?” Hoseok chirps.

“He didn’t mention anything about you or Minhyuk,” Hyunwoo recalls. “But he did say something about Hyungwon.”

“What the hell? Is Hyungwon really the favorite demigod or something?” Hoseok huffs.

Hyunwoo shrugs. “Maybe? I mean, Dad told me to watch over him before I left.”

“Maybe because he’s such a stick,” he laughs.

“Just because you work out.”

“But you’ll watch over Minhyuk and me too, right?”

“Yeah.” And Hyunwoo smiles at Hoseok again, genuinely. “I don’t need to be told.”

 

 

 

 

 

Apparently, Hoseok’s right. Kihyun doesn’t mention anything the following week. But then again, he hasn’t spent time with Kihyun either. Swimming practice after the elimination swim-off competition always resumes two weeks after. Another tradition of their team, embodying the rest they have to take and value after giving their best in swimming.

He has only bumped into Kihyun in university once – on Wednesday if Hyunwoo remembers correctly – and it’s because he’s taking photos by the Human Kinetics building for some assignment in his photography club. They still text each other like the usual – Kihyun asks him how he’s doing, Hyunwoo replies with ‘fine, you?’, and Kihyun updates him with the biggest event of his day.

On Monday, Kihyun complains Hyungwon has left their flat early but didn’t fix his bed, _typical, I always play the role of the housemaid_. He answers with _i'm sure he’s rushing to work in the flower shop ki :)_

Tuesday, Kihyun rants he and Hoseok are paired for a Sociology project, saying _that dick doesn’t even take the subject seriously!_ He reassures Kihyun with _hoseok cares, just keep him on his toes :)_

And Wednesday, Kihyun explains his photography project is in tandem with some article being written for the university publication. _i'm getting recognized for my shots finally!_ He cheers Kihyun on with _that’s great! :) show me the pictures too_

On Thursday, Kihyun responds differently. _you miss the pool, don’t you?_

Hyunwoo isn’t sure if this is how Kihyun wants to confront him about the exchange he had with Hoseok, but he dodges it with _yeah, but it’s good to rest :)_ because he thinks it’s better to talk about it personally. And when he’s ready.

Kihyun doesn’t press further and proceeds to snap about Minhyuk sitting in his and Hoseok’s Sociology class. _he kept pelting me with tiny paper balls! what is he, a 3 rd grader?!_

Friday passes with the same routine. Hyunwoo doesn’t meet Kihyun nor does he try visiting the pool. Some of his teammates (who also happen to be his classmates in his majors) ask him why he isn’t taking advantage of the free pool hours, and Hyunwoo only laughs this off. He isn’t sure why either; is it because he’s busy with his classes or because his visit to the river quenched his need to be around water? In the end, it’s always different being in natural water.

He thinks of texting Kihyun after his last class ends, since it’s always Kihyun checking up on him. He’ll probably just check up on him and maybe ask him how he’ll spend the weekend. As much as he misses having dinner with Kihyun, he still isn’t sure how to explain himself if the river exchange gets thrown in the conversation.

 

 

 

 

 

_hey kihyun. how are you?_

 

Hyunwoo sends the text at 4 PM sharp while walking through the hallway. He reaches the building entrance and finds Hoseok and Minhyuk waiting for him, both with sullen expressions.

“Hyunwoo hyung,” Minhyuk softly says, tugging him on the wrist. They relocate themselves behind the tallest tree at the side of the building. The younger two are too quiet for Hyunwoo’s liking.

“What’s going on?” he asks when Minhyuk lets go of his arm. At the same second, his phone vibrates and the screen blinks, flashing a message from Kihyun.

 

_Hyungwon and I are in the hospital_

 

Wide-eyed, Hyunwoo stares at Minhyuk and Hoseok. “W-What… did something happen to Kihyun and Hyungwon?”

“Kihyun didn’t text everything, huh…” Minhyuk trails off, voice still soft and raspy, as his brows furrow and his gaze drifts to the ground. “No, nothing happened to them.”

Hoseok releases a loud exhale before his eyes meet Hyunwoo’s. It’s almost as if he’s mustering all his courage just to look at Hyunwoo.

Hyunwoo notices a watery glimmer at the corner of Hoseok’s eyes.

“Hyung, Her Royal Forest passed away.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> firstly, i'm really sorry for updating this super late. the time this fic was still young, i was also working a job that gave me so much anxiety i couldn't write properly for this fic. i love this fic so much and i don't want to half-ass it, so it took me such a long time to figure stuff out like how to write it. there was also a time i wanted to input new ideas (gwanghyun being minhyuk's brother, the hyung line visiting their home town and shownu meets the ocean god in the neighborhood river instead, etc.) but i had so much trouble writing them i stopped for a while. 
> 
> and secondly, i'm also sorry because i said earlier i didn't want to half-ass this fic, and yet this chapter seems very much that way. the pacing feels weird, maybe there aren't enough descriptions... ahg i really am sorry. this chapter deserves better but i just wanted to get it over with, because it's the most filler chapter out of the whole story. i'll do my best not to do the same thing in the next chapters and make them really worth reading. also i'll reread this chapter in the morning and edit because this is totally unbeta-ed rn
> 
> and third, if you're still reading this fic, thank you so much. it really, really means a lot to me, and right now i'm too tired to give a proper thank you. but i really mean my appreciation. :)
> 
> you can find me @[tsunkyuns](https://twitter.com/tsunkyuns) (or @[tsunwrites](https://twitter.com/tsunwrites) if you only prefer writing/fic-related tweets) :) also lmao yes i added more questions instead of answering any but they'll be answered eventually (or you can hmu on the comments or twitter and i'll answer there :3 )


	4. shallow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You know, Hyunwoo, being away from you is really hard.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY #0618SHOWNUDAY!!! I hope y'all have greeted our one and only appa bear <3
> 
> filler chapter with lore speak, please send hugs to all the demigods in this fic
> 
> edit: so i updated this chapter like 2 times. yeah. but i published it on shownu's birthday hence the hashtag. carry on

**shallow**

~

_“Life is like a swimming pool.”_

_“Where the hell is this going, Min?”_

_“I’m actually being serious. I mean, hey, sometimes we get too caught up in the heavy deep stuff in life that we feel like drowning, so it won’t hurt to go swim back in the shallow end for a bit, right?”_

_“Says the genius who doesn’t swim at all.”_

_“Shut up, Hyungwon. And keep your frogs away from me.”_

* * *

 

“Gods don’t die.”

They don’t. That’s what Hyunwoo knows. Hoseok and Minhyuk believe this too without any shadow of a doubt, because the very person who told them this has been Hyungwon’s mother.

And yet Hoseok is standing in front him with watery eyes and a red nose, lips pressed together as he shakes his head. They’re both at a loss of words, their silence wrapped by the rushing footsteps beyond their hiding spot.

“Let me rephrase that,” Minhyuk whispers. He slowly tilts his head up to stare at the towering tree’s dark thick branches and rich green leaves. “Her Royal Forest isn’t going to live as a human anymore.”

Hyunwoo grips his phone tightly as his gaze shifts to the ground. A heavy feeling wells up in his chest and pulls his heart to sink. His breathing becomes more of a conscientious act, protracted, with gradual inhales, lengthy held breaths, and slow exhales.

How does Hyungwon feel about this?

The question stays buried in his throat because he can’t find himself to say Hyungwon’s name.

 

 

 

 

 

They expect to arrive at the hospital in half an hour, but the white noise in Hyunwoo’s mind translates the elapsed time to feel like hours. He doesn’t remember much from their walk to the station. Voices around him are muffled by the silence between him and the other two, and his line of vision is straight but fixed on nothing exact. The only thing he really remembers seeing clearly is Minhyuk and Hoseok holding hands tightly as they walk in front of him. Now that he thinks of it, maybe that’s what he’s been staring at while walking, because he isn’t sure how he managed to avoid tripping or bumping into posts.

He gives way for Hoseok and Minhyuk to sit while he stands in front of them, knowing how drained they are from the news. While Hyunwoo has only met with the Forest Goddess a couple of times, Hoseok and Minhyuk share close ties with her ever since they started college. They both talk highly of her, and Minhyuk even once said she fills the parental void that the God of the Heavens never even tried to effort in his and Hoseok’s lives. (Hoseok often rebuts this by saying Minhyuk has an actual father figure at home. “He’s still my stepdad, even if he doesn’t know this,” Minhyuk retorts.)

Hyunwoo’s sure the two will miss her solid presence in the flower shop. And really, Hyunwoo knows the Forest Goddess is-was. Was a sweet woman. Whenever she and Hyunwoo talk, she treats him as Hyungwon’s friend rather than the Son of the Seas, asking him to take care of Hyungwon because he’s “a strong young man” rather than because he’s “the eldest demigod.”

Hyungwon may dislike staying in the flower shop because of his “job” to grow flowers, but he clearly cares for his mother through his actions. How could he not anyway, with how the Forest Goddess willingly encased her ethereal spirit within a human body to raise him?

And that knowledge is what bothers Hyunwoo so much. It doesn’t sound like the Forest Goddess to ‘die’ on Hyungwon, especially with how young he still is. It’s too early for her to leave Hyungwon on his own, literally, because Hyungwon has no other family but her. Hyunwoo can’t even imagine how Hyungwon will handle the funeral rites, let alone everything else that involves their family business.

But Hyunwoo’s also bothered by something else. Something that he has just realized this moment.

_“And do watch over Nature’s Child, Hyunwoo.”_

_Hyunwoo blinks. “Hyungwon?” He’s sure he hasn’t heard this nickname before._

_“Yes. I keep forgetting She doesn’t really like using titles.”_

His father knew, and it makes the pit of his stomach feel empty again. He doesn’t understand anything at all.

 

 

 

 

 

They find Kihyun sitting on the waiting bench next to the hospital room they have been directed to. The younger boy’s face was solemn, his voice quiet as he told them to knock first to avoid startling Hyungwon. Hyunwoo notices Kihyun’s look shift to discomfort after glancing at Minhyuk’s expressionless face and receives no reply from Hoseok either. Hyunwoo makes up for it with a soft ‘thanks’ to Kihyun, but he doesn’t expect the younger to give him a small, appreciative smile, especially with the circumstances.

Hoseok opens the door, turning the knob as gently as possible, and they find Hyungwon sitting on a stool on the bedside of the Forest Goddess’ lifeless human form. His hands are holding hers, seemingly a tight grip, and the whites of his eyes are now pale pink around puffy eyelids.

They close the door behind them, but it’s only Hyunwoo who wonders why Kihyun didn’t join them. Minhyuk bends and slowly embraces Hyungwon, who lets himself grip on Minhyuk’s shirt and bury his head in his friend’s shoulder. Hoseok’s gaze shifts between them and the body on the hospital bed, eyes brimmed with tears again. Hyunwoo looks at the body once - _her eyes are...were droopy like Hyungwon’s -_ and doesn’t look again.

“I knew she’s leaving today,” Hyungwon suddenly croaks. “I knew this day would come eventually… a-and she prepared me for it. She prepared everything… b-but I’m still not ready…”

“Why couldn’t she stay longer?” Hoseok asks. His voice is raspy from the long silence he has endured. Hyungwon’s grip on Minhyuk’s shirt grows tighter and a frog suddenly jumps on the room window’s outer ledge.

Hoseok slowly walks towards them and kneels in front of Hyungwon, hugging the younger boy once Minhyuk lets go of Hyungwon. “We’re here. We’re here for you,” Hoseok whispers. His hand cradles the boy’s head and strokes his hair until Hyungwon’s erratic breaths slowly calm.

Hyunwoo fails to say anything when it’s his turn to approach Hyungwon. His wide open arms speak for him as Hyungwon holds onto Hyunwoo tightly.

“She’s still watching over you, Hyungwon-ah,” is all he musters after a minute of silence. “Don’t forget that.”

“I know, hyung,” Hyungwon whispers.

Minhyuk suddenly laughs softly from behind him and Hoseok sniffles before releasing a chuckle as well. It confuses Hyunwoo, and he doesn’t know that Hyungwon has attempted to smile his first smile throughout the day from the strong comfort Hyunwoo brings and the reminder he has given.

“Hyungwon-ah, you call that a smile?” Minhyuk says. And slowly, Hyungwon laughs softly before placing his head face down on Hyunwoo’s shoulder. He feels tears slowly trickle on his shirt and just lets Hyungwon let out the wild mix of emotions stirring in him.

“Mom said that last night, you know?” Hyungwon says, voice muffled by Hyunwoo’s shirt. “She said I shouldn’t cry too, we’re gonna meet again after a few days…”

“Then you’re doing a terrible job,” Hoseok jests.

“Auntie will be disappointed,” Minhyuk chirps before releasing a laugh-sniffle.

“It’s okay to cry. You’ll see her again soon,” Hyunwoo says. He pats Hyungwon’s back again when the younger demigod cries some more.

Hyungwon hugs him a little tighter. “Thank you for being here, hyung.”

 

 

 

 

 

In a span of hours, Hyunwoo understands what Hyungwon exactly means when he has said the Forest Goddess has prepared _everything_ for her departure. _Everything_ is her will - an extremely detailed one - which Minhyuk admits to have read bits of before, stating how the flower shop is going to be sold for millions to secure Hyungwon’s financial stability, or how the Forest Goddess specified for immediate cremation upon her death to relieve Hyungwon from funeral rites.

“I’ve known for a while, okay,” Minhyuk confesses. “Sorry for not saying anything, especially to you, Hoseok. I only found out Her Royal Forest was going to return to the ethereal plane by accident… so she just. Told me everything.”

“It’s not your secret to tell,” Hoseok says softly. He doesn’t look up at Minhyuk.

“You’re sulking.”

“Am not.”

“Hoseokkie.”

“I really am not,” Hoseok insists, finally looking up with tear-filled eyes. “I just keep remembering how broken Hyungwon looked and how he had to suck it all up when the doctor arrived.”

Hyunwoo sighs and watches Minhyuk’s gaze fall on his hands underneath the dining table of Hyunwoo and Hoseok’s flat. He shares the discomfort his younger friends feel. The laughter they had shared in the hospital room earlier was short-lived, interrupted when a doctor has asked Hyungwon if he’s now willing for the Forest Goddess’ mortal body to be moved to the morgue. It’s easy to pinpoint the moment Hyungwon’s heart shattered all over again before he croaked out a weak _yes_. Kihyun and a newly arrived Jooheon had immediately rushed in the room to comfort Hyungwon.

“I still don’t understand why,” Hoseok sobs. “I wish she, I dunno… said goodbye to us first… if this was all planned.”

Minhyuk shifts uncomfortably in his seat and takes a sip of water from his cup. “She knew we’d be upset, especially because of why she had to.”

 _Why she had to._ Hyunwoo’s chest tightens. _And do watch over Nature’s Child, Hyunwoo._ “Why?” he asks.

Minhyuk’s glance shifts between him and Hoseok as he takes deep breaths. Then, he closes his eyes. “You guys know how… Hyungwon has no other family, right?”

Neither of them answer.

“Hyungwon’s dad passed before he turned a year old, and the man’s family disowned him for being a wild tree hugger sabotaging the family business or some TV drama crap like that. And Her Royal Forest couldn’t leave Hyungwon. I mean she could, clearly, orphanages exist or his dad’s family if she knew them, but she _couldn’t_ -”

“We know that already,” Hoseok sighs. “Your point is?”

Minhyuk grimaces at Hoseok’s tone. “Gods can’t stay in the mortal plane for too long and humans can’t live in the ethereal plane. Demigods are only half-gods with mortal souls so it still applies that Won can’t stay in the ethereal plane. So who had to adjust?”

Hoseok’s eyes widen. “W-Wait, what do you mean ‘gods can’t stay in the mortal plane’? What bullshit is that? They _made_  this place, didn't they?”

Minhyuk presses the bridge of his nose. “I don't know, okay? That's just what Dad told me that before. His excuse for neglecting us, if you ask me.”

Hyunwoo notices Hoseok bow his head again, unsure if he’s tearing up again or fuming at the mention of their father. “Um, can you continue, Min?” Hyunwoo asks, hoping to avoid the atmosphere from getting tense.

Minhyuk nods, but not before glancing at Hoseok with a sad expression. “Long story short, Her Royal Forest had to strike a deal with Dad so she could live in the mortal plane. Their contract said she could only live with Hyungwon until he was ‘of age’.”

“A… contract,” Hyunwoo repeats.

“Yeah. An actual binding contract that you have to sign with the Pen of Fate. I know it sounds stupid,” Minhyuk whines. “But Dad is _the_ bigshot.”

“Sounds like the Ursula of the ethereal realm,” Hoseok interrupts softly. He raises his head slowly and meets Minhyuk’s sad face. “Hey, I’m not mad at you.”

“You look mad.”

“Doesn’t mean I am.” A pause. “He never told me that.”

Minhyuk’s frown only deepens. “I’m sorry, Hoseok. He told me that through a shitty circumstance, and I didn’t want to worry you.”

“Tell me.”

“No, you don’t need to hear it,” Minhyuk reasons.

“We’re brothers, Min,” Hoseok replies with an insistent but caring stare. Times like these remind Hyunwoo how authoritative Hoseok can actually be. “If you’re worried I’ll fight Dad again, I won’t.”

That seems to touch a nerve in Minhyuk. “That’s exactly how I found out,” he begins. “You fought Dad, he singed your whole back… it hurt me a lot. I went to tell him he’s a shit dad who never took care of us and he should heal you because that’s shitty of him to do to his own kid. And you know what? He decided to throw an agreement to my face.”

“What?” Hyunwoo and Hoseok blurt out. This is the first time Hyunwoo hears about these - a scar on Hoseok’s back? _But he doesn’t have one._ Minhyuk visiting their father? _But he never mentions visiting the deity._ The God of the Heavens… actually being this nonchalant towards his sons’ wellbeing? _Is this why he told me to look after them - so he wouldn’t have to?_

“See, this is why I didn’t say anything before,” Minhyuk says with a defeated look. His gaze shifts to Hyunwoo, who’s as confused as ever, and purses his lips.

“And you signed it.” Hoseok’s voice is low, trembling, and Hyunwoo can see small tear stains bloom on Hoseok’s pants. 

“You were burned by lightning on the spot, for fuck’s sake, I had to do something!” Minhyuk cries. “I have no idea how the hell you hid your back from Auntie for two weeks, but I didn’t want you to keep suffering!”

Hyunwoo’s at a loss of words as Minhyuk starts dabbing tears from his cheeks with the sleeves of his cardigan. Hoseok’s light sniffles remain amidst the silence between them. It’s a strange feeling now, Hyunwoo realizes, that Minhyuk actually hides the most painful things from them, things that he ironically can tell to them and them only. The loss of Hyungwon’s mom must be this painful for him to open up.

"I thought... he just healed it with no strings attached. But he gave you a contract..."

“And I signed it. Wasn’t a big deal. He promised to heal your back and never hurt you again. You and me. And in return, we can’t visit his realm again unless he invites us or whatever,” Minhyuk finishes, finally calm. Hyunwoo feels his gut lurch from the terms given to Minhyuk, but the younger demigod really does seem unfazed by it.

And so does Hoseok, apparently, with the sudden soft chuckles he breathes out. “Not like I ever want to go there again. I ain’t ever visiting him even if I still could.” The brothers seem to lighten up from their shared sentiments. “Being a demigod is such a headache.”

“True that! Gods’ Rules are so complicated, and it’s pretty stupid we don’t get briefed like, we get told we’re their kid and we have amazing abilities, that’s it! They don’t even tell us everything about our powers, it’s like we have to figure them out on our own. If I didn’t find out about Her Royal Forest’s plan, I doubt we’ll even be having this conversation.”

“Maybe it’s different for Hyunwoo hyung and Hyungwon,” Hoseok says. “Their respective god-parents love them.”

“No. I don’t know everything about my gifts and nothing about Gods’ Rules,” Hyunwoo admits, recalling the last talk he had with his father. Anything remotely related to ethereal matters have been brushed off with vagueness. He isn’t disappointed, considering his purpose to talk to his father last time is to talk about his swimming endeavors. And he sort of understands as well, because this conversation is proving that conversations about ethereal matters is not a walk in the park.

“Hyungwon doesn’t know everything too,” Minhyuk shrugs. “Maybe it’s part of Gods’ Rules too, to not tell everything to demigods.”

“That’s dumb,” Hoseok sighs. “Back to the convo… so you’re saying Her Royal Forest had to sign a contract even if she’s Douchedad’s sister?”

“He is head honcho among all of them for being the ‘eldest god’, even though Hyunwoo hyung’s dad and Her Royal Forest are just as powerful,” Minhyuk says glumly. “She gave up a huge chunk of her power to Dad for her end of the bargain, so Dad’s been acting as the Forest God up until today. And y’know, she was supposed to leave last January, on Hyungwon’s birthday, but she gave up more of her power so she could extend to stay with him.”

“So that’s why Hyungwon took over flower-growing duty,” Hoseok assumes, crestfallen.

And it hits Hyunwoo - maybe this is why Hyungwon has dreaded being alone in the flower shop for so long. Maybe he has had it all wrong about why Hyungwon believes he’s cursed. The younger demigod must have known his mother’s plan for a long time, and being around her knowing she’d leave has probably wrecked him deep inside. He doesn’t even know how hard it’ll be for him to part with the flower shop after being his second home since his childhood, what more his own house.

“I wish we stayed longer,” Minhyuk frowns. “We could’ve just eaten in the cafeteria or something or had our delivery there.”

“Hyungwon told us we shouldn’t stay long,” Hyunwoo reminds. As much as he has wanted to stay, he believes in honoring Hyungwon’s wishes. “Tomorrow’s the cremation and he wants us to be there. It won’t help if we’re all tired.”

Minhyuk and Hoseok exchange sad glances with him, but they seem to accept his point. “It’ll be hard to sleep tonight, I know. But let’s try,” he adds.

“It’s why I’m sleeping over,” Minhyuk says. “It’s easier to sleep when Hoseok’s around. And he’ll have someone to keep away the ghosts too.”

Hoseok scoffs. “Ghosts? I-I’m not afraid of ghosts! A-And don’t be stupid, Her Royal Forest isn’t dead-dead!”

“You’re stammering,” Minhyuk smiles. “What if she visits our dreams though?”

“Wouldn’t she visit Hyungwon first?” Hoseok retorts, but his fear-filled eyes betray him.

The doorbell rings before Minhyuk can answer. The brothers immediately stand to answer the door, yelling _Finally!_ and _Ugh, this chicken place took long enough._ Hyunwoo moves to the kitchen to grab plates and utensils. On his second trip to get their heated pot of rice, he gets distracted by a sudden buzz in his pocket.

 

_hey hyung. are you okay?_

 

Kihyun.

Hyunwoo replies immediately with _i am. and you? how’s won?_

 

_I’m fine :) can we meet by Han River?_

 

 _Han River_. _Kihyun_.

If only his mind is playing tricks on him, but it seems the day only wishes to make Hyunwoo feel more restless.

 

 

 

 

 

Hyunwoo doesn’t realize he’s holding his breath for a good minute after seeing Kihyun’s silhouette against the city lights across the river. It’s been… years since the last time Kihyun has ever been close to a river. Being around a swimming pool is easier for him with its man-made nature, but he never dares go near one without Hyunwoo around. To be asked to meet by Han River, though…

Minhyuk and Hoseok have been nothing but encouraging the moment they find out. Or rather, they started out as skeptical as Hyunwoo, with Minhyuk going, “The hell is he doing near a river at this time?” and Hoseok’s “He said he’s going to stay with Hyungwon.” The strangeness of Kihyun’s request makes Minhyuk want to go too, but Hoseok tells his brother there’s probably a reason why it’s only Hyunwoo that Kihyun messaged.

He approaches Kihyun slowly but the sound of his footsteps against the grass gives him away, the younger turning to face him with his phone in hand. Even under the dimness of the moonlight, Hyunwoo can recognize the little smile that grows on his friend’s face.

“Hyung.”

“Hi,” he greets back, mirroring Kihyun’s small grin.

Kihyun’s eyes quickly dart at the bag he’s carrying.

“We were supposed to have dinner, but you texted, so I brought food. For the both of us,” he explains, unzipping the backpack. “Have you eaten?”

Kihyun shakes his head. “No. I didn’t even think of eating after… after earlier. But thank you for thinking of bringing me food.”

Hyunwoo silently thanks Minhyuk for knowing Kihyun so well. He’s the one who has anticipated that Kihyun will skip dinner, so he has forced Hoseok to prep lunch boxes for the both of them. “He’ll eat it because one, it’s chicken, and two, he won’t say no to you offering it.”

And he’s right. Kihyun immediately takes the food container Hyunwoo offers after they’ve settled on an oversized towel (that Hyunwoo has forgotten is still in his bag since last week) over the grass. They keep to themselves the moment they start eating like famished children, surrounded by voices of strangers and the howls of the wind.

Kihyun finishes first, surprisingly, but he doesn’t talk until Hyunwoo’s done and their food containers are neatly packed in the backpack again.

“That’s really good chicken.”

“Hoseok chose the place. He knows what’s good.”

The younger man chuckles softly. “He does. My appetite came back after the first bite.” Silence. “I hope Hyungwon already ate.”

“I thought you were going to stay with him tonight, Ki.”

“I’ll go back later. He asked me to leave him alone for a while. He’s attending to the death certificate and some lawyer called to meet up with him tonight too.” For the will and Hyungwon’s inheritance, Hyunwoo’s sure. “I don’t know what to do, hyung.”

Hyunwoo turns to face Kihyun, who’s staring at the skyline with a pained scowl and knitted brows. “I want Hyungwon to know I’m here for him, but I don’t… I don’t know if I’ll do it properly. How to do it properly. I’ve never encountered loss until now.”

The softness of Kihyun’s voice pierces his conscience. No matter how emotional this separation is, Hyunwoo knows that Hyungwon’s loss isn’t permanent. He’ll get to see his mother again in her entire godly glory, but Kihyun will never be able to grasp this.

“I don’t know what to tell him, and he doesn’t talk to me either.” He folds his legs and pulls them close to his chest, perching his chin on his knees. A few seconds pass. “Hyung, you won’t hate me if I admitted something, would you?”

Hyunwoo leans forward to get a better view of Kihyun’s whole face, confused. “What do you mean?”

Their eyes meet, Kihyun’s full of worry. “I… felt jealous that Hyungwon talked to you three earlier.” And the younger man buries his face against his knees.

“Kihyun.”

Hyunwoo doesn’t know where to start, but he places his hand on his friend’s shoulder and gives it a light squeeze. Now it’s him who’s unsure of how to comfort Kihyun’s grief.

But he has to try. After a deep breath, he calls his name again, and Kihyun looks back at him. “Hyungwon appreciates all your help and this loss… is complicated for him. He knows how you’re willing to keep him company and watch over him but he doesn’t want you to get tired… I guess he doesn’t know how to tell you those things. Not right now, anyway.”

“But he spoke to you three,” Kihyun repeats, downcast. "Cried in front of you too."

“Minhyuk and Hoseok are close with his mom. She treats them like her own sons, you know that,” Hyunwoo tries. He overhears a muffled _true_ as Kihyun’s irises shift to the side. “I didn’t know what to say to Hyungwon too. You’re not alone.”

Kihyun unfolds his legs and sighs. Seeing him this sad makes Hyunwoo’s gut stir with discomfort, much more than how upset he has been with himself from the ‘river’ incident last week. “Did he talk to Jooheon earlier?”

“No… not really,” Kihyun mumbles. “Does it matter?”

 _It really does_ , Hyunwoo wants to say, but it’s not the time to explain why. “Hyungwon is still trying to come to terms with everything, Ki. Just… just keep caring for him.”

“I wish I could do more to help him,” Kihyun whispers.

“But you already are,” Hyunwoo says. If he thinks about it, Kihyun letting Hyungwon room with him is the biggest help the younger man has given. He remembers Minhyuk mentioning it earlier to Hoseok before he has left to meet Kihyun, about how Hyungwon’s decision to live away from her has been his way to adjust with seeing her less and less until her passing.

“You’re not just saying that, are you?”

To Hyunwoo’s relief, Kihyun’s voice sports a playful tone underneath hopefulness. He gives Kihyun a smile. “I’m not.”

Slowly, stillness drowns them again. Kihyun’s squared shoulders relax while Hyunwoo picks the grass in front of the towel. Then Kihyun speaks again, telling Hyunwoo about his and Hyungwon’s stay in the hospital before they arrived. He details on how silent Hyungwon had been when the doctor had told him about the chronic lung disease his mother supposedly had. Pretty symbolic to how nature dies because of pollution, but Hyunwoo keeps that to himself.

“I was really weirded out that he woke up early for the flower shop, you know, but he was visiting her in the hospital,” Kihyun sighs. “He didn’t tell me.”

“He didn’t tell any of us,” Hyunwoo assures.

The conversation slowly shifts to lighter topics, the minute details of their week. Kihyun admits it’s weird they haven’t met at all the past few days, saying he’s so used to Hyunwoo’s presence, and he hasn’t pictured them meeting again through this circumstance. Hyunwoo does agree that he finds it weird too and jokes about how Kihyun only shows up when he has swimming practice.

It worries him when Kihyun doesn’t respond to that immediately.

He notices his younger friend’s eyes narrow as he stares at the river. “It’s not that.”

A heartbeat. Two. “I heard you and Hoseok hyung last Saturday.”

And Kihyun looks at him with a pained smile and the same disappointment Hyunwoo remembers seeing. “I know I shouldn’t question your choices if you want to visit the river with Hoseok hyung and not me, but I don’t want you to think I’m not capable of doing the same thing.”

Hyunwoo feels his heart sink in his chest, feeling terrible that Kihyun really has been upset about it. He doesn’t even understand how Kihyun has kept it all in for almost a week, how he isn’t lashing out on Hyunwoo right now. Kihyun hates being reduced to a boy with a tremendous fear of water, a lesson he’s learned in the past because of Hoseok and Minhyuk teasing Kihyun until the younger snapped at them.   

But it’s not that, _damn it_! Kihyun doesn’t know about his father; he knows NOTHING about the ethereal aspects of Hyunwoo’s life. Or Hyungwon’s. Or Minhyuk’s and Hoseok’s. How is he supposed to take Kihyun with him to the river when he’s supposed to meet his father?

He can’t believe he’s at another loss of words again. Looking at Kihyun hurts.

“I-I’m not mad, Hyunwoo,” he hears Kihyun say in a softer voice. “But please. Don’t think I’m weak around water.”

But he doesn’t think Kihyun’s weak. Not at all. He never did, never will.

“I don’t. I really… don’t. I don’t,” Hyunwoo says softly, choking out the hurt in his lungs. The accusation is painful.

Kihyun doesn’t answer. But Hyunwoo feels Kihyun move closer until the fabric of the younger’s shirt brushes against the skin of Hyunwoo’s arm, and Hyunwoo can see Kihyun’s hand from the corner of his eye shakily reaching for his shoulder. His warm touch pulls Hyunwoo away from the depths of his doubtful thoughts.

And he turns his head, finding Kihyun’s own slowly resting on Hyunwoo’s other shoulder, his hair tickling Hyunwoo’s skin and his eyes still gazing forward. “I’m sorry for avoiding you.”

“I didn’t know you were,” Hyunwoo admits. He feels lighter with the honesty and the apology he hasn’t expected, but finding out that’s why Kihyun didn’t bother to meet up with him personally this week leaves a sting.

Kihyun laughs softly. “Minhyuk’s right. You’re dense sometimes.”

“I’m not the best with feelings,” Hyunwoo says. “I’m sorry for the misunderstanding. You aren’t weak. Not in my eyes.”

Hyunwoo can feel Kihyun’s hand tremble against his skin, probably from the stretch of his arm, and he scoots closer to his younger friend before wrapping an arm around Kihyun’s shoulder. He feels warm.

“I believe you,” Kihyun whispers back. “But I want to know why you said what you said.”

Hyunwoo takes a few breaths. “I had to talk to Hoseok about something personal,” he says. It isn’t a complete lie, really. “Mom didn’t call me just to congratulate me.”

He feels Kihyun nod against his shoulder. “Okay. And you dealt the river card because Hoseok hyung’s being stubborn about going with you?”

He smiles. Leave it to Kihyun to understand. “Yeah. Sorry about that.”

“I’ll forgive you this one time, but never do it again,” Kihyun laughs. “I was disappointed and confused, but I can’t yell at you.”

“I’d rather not be yelled at too,” he jokes back.

Kihyun’s hand gives him a light smack on the neck. “Hoseok’s influencing you.”

“He is my roommate.”

“I know that. But don’t ever change,” Kihyun says with fondness. “You know, Hyunwoo, being away from you is really hard.”

Hyunwoo hums in agreement.

They let the silence linger between them one last time as they watch the boats pass, broken when Kihyun comments about how relaxing the faraway sound of waves is. Hyunwoo would have to agree, but the last thing he has listened to before Kihyun’s voice has been Kihyun’s soft breaths instead.

They only let go of each other when Kihyun finally receives a text from Hyungwon, the younger asking him if he’s eaten and if he wants to have dinner together.

Kihyun’s smile, full of relief from his fears being quelled, gives Hyunwoo comfort before they part ways.

 

_thank you for tonight Hyunwoo hyung. :)_

 

 

 

Saturday has never been a day to wake up in somber.

And yet, Hyunwoo rises from his bed with an immediate pang on his chest as his first thoughts roll in - _Hyungwon... it’s today._

It’s only 6 in the morning, but Hyunwoo doesn’t feel like falling asleep again. He rolls over to check his phone and finds messages in the group chat he left unread from falling asleep after arriving home. The most recent ones are from Kihyun, the very last sent at 1:08 AM, with the time and place of their meet given. _Hyungwon will go ahead so we meet at uni at 9. Jooheon’s dad will drive us there._

After a few minutes of staring at the dimly sunlit ceiling, Hyunwoo gets up and stretches to ease his mind further into wakefulness. He quietly takes a peek in Hoseok’s room after leaving his own, surprised to find the younger man’s bed empty. He finds the brothers on a large duvet on the floor instead; Hoseok seems to be hugging his pillow and one of Minhyuk’s arms tightly, while the rest of Minhyuk’s limbs are sprawled messily underneath a crumpled white blanket. Hyunwoo laughs softly before shutting the door quietly, thankful that the two are in peaceful slumber.

He bathes and fixes up, donning a plain white shirt and dark sweatpants before heading out to buy breakfast. Apparently, Hoseok and Minhyuk have been able to chow down not just the chicken they’ve ordered, but also the leftover dumplings and most of the kimchi. Hyunwoo does remember them sharing a tub of ice cream last night too, but that’s to be expected from the friends who take ‘stressed spelled backwards equals desserts’ to heart.

Hyunwoo spends nearly twenty minutes in the nearest convenience store picking doshirak for him and the brothers, then debating if he should buy samgak kimbap in case any of his friends get hungry later (he ends up buying five). On his way back to the flat, he spots one of his and Hoseok’s favorite food stalls open and takes three orders of gaeran toast.

He finds Hoseok and Minhyuk in the small living room when he arrives, Hoseok rubbing his eyes while Minhyuk flips through television channels, seemingly unaware of Hyunwoo’s return.

“I bought breakfast,” he calls, and it does the trick - Hoseok’s eyes spring wide open and Minhyuk bounces to the dining area. They may be silent, but their gazes grow hungrier and hungrier as Hyunwoo begins to place the convenience store lunchboxes on the table. “I bought samgak kimbap too, but those are for later.”

“Thank you, hyung,” Minhyuk says, voice still raspy and soft. “I, uh, we’ll pay you later.”

They eat with the news channel buzzing in the background. Minhyuk scrolls through his phone while munching, and Hoseok savors every bite of the egg toast like it’s the second best food after his beloved ramen.

“So we’ll meet Kihyun in uni, huh,” Minhyuk begins. “I wonder who else will drop by.”

“The three of us, Kihyun, Jooheon… Changkyun? He said he’ll try,” Hoseok says. “Maybe some of Her Royal Forest’s friends too if Hyungwon told them?”

“They probably don’t know. Why or how would Won call other people anyway? I mean Won’s too tired and sad to deal with that. And he doesn’t want to feel other people pity him because he has no other family now.”

Hoseok nods. “We say Hyungwon has no other family, but here we are, going to attend a relatives-only thing with him.”

Minhyuk smiles. “Well, whether Hyungwon likes it or not, he’s stuck with us forever. You, me, Hyunwoo hyung, Kihyun, Jooheon, Changkyun - we’re a family.”

 

 

 

 

 

“Hyungwon-ah.”

Hyunwoo slowly sits beside the younger boy and pulls out one piece of samgak kimbap from his bag. “Here.”

Hyungwon takes it with a sheepish smile. The poor boy looks exhausted; there’s no mistaking the dark bags under his eyes which are thankfully less puffy. “Thanks, Hyunwoo hyung.”

“Did you get any sleep?”

“Yeah. Four hours. Not so bad,” Hyungwon replies.

Hyunwoo tries not to frown - it’s heartbreaking to see the usual sleepy Hyungwon lack that much sleep.

“And breakfast?”

“I ate. Ahn-ssi made sure too.”

Hyunwoo stares at him. “The lawyer my mom hired to keep me on my toes and guide me on adulting for a while,” Hyungwon explains.

Now that tells a lot. They had arrived earlier to Hyungwon shaking hands of people - _total strangers, never saw them before in my life_ , _what the fuck_ , Minhyuk had said - who apparently had been the flower shop’s customers.

“Did he invite other people here?” Hyunwoo asks.

“No, he, uh… he helped me make a post on the shop’s site about it closing. And uh, I have mom’s phone… a lot of customers called to ask why… he answered them and was so good in hiding the fact she left, but then one of mom’s favorite customers called, so… I just told him to tell her.” Hyungwon looks up at Hyunwoo with humored eyes. “I just thought… she won’t be able to do anything about it anyway, right? No funeral rites to visit, so she’d just give her condolences. But then she insisted on seeing her, and I know her, she loves mom so much… I let Ahn-ssi tell her about today. I thought it would only be her, I had no idea she’d spread the word and gather most of mom’s customers too.”

The younger man shakes his head, a bittersweet smile on his lips. It must’ve been taxing for Hyungwon to entertain people despite their good intentions. “Mom loved small talk with customers. One of the last things she told me was that she understands humans now because she learned how to listen. She’s so used to being the boss and indirectly interacting with mortals, but now she’s happy she had a chance to live a human life.” He heaves a shaky sigh.

Hyunwoo places a hand on the younger’s shoulder and gives him a comforting smile. It’s been a while since he and Hyungwon have talked this personally and a first for Hyungwon to ramble in front of him, trailing off here and there. The boy’s forced smiles are hard to look at, but Hyunwoo senses how hard Hyungwon is trying to feel more positive for other people’s sake.

“She visited my dreams last night,” Hyungwon continues. His smile falls, but his eyes are calmer. “She looks beautiful as a goddess. I never really thought about how different she would be as one, but… appearance alone already says a lot.”

A sense of nostalgia blossoms in Hyunwoo’s chest as he smiles. “I know the feeling. The first time I saw my dad, he was in his god form. I should’ve been terrified, but I wasn’t.”

“Maybe it’s because they’re our parents,” Hyungwon chuckles. “She must’ve missed being a goddess. Her sacrifice to raise me over taking care of Nature, something more important than me… how could I ever thank her for that? But at the same time… I feel selfish for wishing she could stay longer.”

“That’s normal. She’s your mom and she’s responsible for you,” Hyunwoo says. “And I guess you had to get your selfishness somewhere.”

Hyungwon’s eyebrows furrow. “What do you mean?”

Hyunwoo scratches his temple, trying to think of how to word his thoughts. “Um, I just thought… she’s responsible for Nature too, like you said, but she chose you over it. She let herself be selfish and prioritize you for nineteen long years. I mean, that’s probably a millisecond for the gods, but Nature’s health and mortals’ lives change drastically with that length of time and she understood that, so…”

He trails off and tries gathering his words again. The idea makes more sense in his head. But he spots Hyungwon dab a handkerchief on his eyes, and all thoughts jump to the back of his head from the rush of worry he feels.

“I… um… sorry-”

Hyungwon’s soft laugh interrupts him. “No, it’s okay, hyung.” The younger demigod smiles, but his eyes are still wet with tears as he lowers his handkerchief. “You’re right. It’s weird that our selfishness proves how much we love each other, but you’re right.”

“Being selfish isn’t always bad the same way being selfless isn’t always good,” Hyunwoo says.

“Please tell that to Kihyun hyung in reverse,” Hyungwon suddenly says. “He’s just as tired as I am, but he’s dealing with the other visitors for me.”

 _True_ , he thinks. He and Hyungwon, apart from a napping Minhyuk, are the only ones staying in the indoor waiting area near the crematorium. Outside the glass doors, Kihyun and Jooheon seem to be conversing with the last two visitors - _a mother and son pair_ , and Hyunwoo can see Hyungwon smile fondly at them - while Changkyun and Hoseok are in the gazebo across the building eating ice cream. Anticipating for Kihyun to take a nap is only wishful thinking, as much as it bothers Hyunwoo to admit.

“You’re right, but he really cares for you. Kihyun can’t help it,” Hyunwoo says.

“I know,” Hyungwon sighs. He starts fiddling with the taped bottom of the samgak kimbap wrapper.

Memories of last night flood Hyunwoo’s mind again, from the ache in Kihyun’s voice while he confesses his fears to the concern in his eyes as he speaks Hyungwon’s name. “Hey. Don’t be afraid to talk to Ki. Even if you’re not sure what to say.”

“I know,” the younger repeats, flipping the snack in his hands around. “I felt bad last night. I mean, we talked, but I don’t know how to make this up to him. He still keeps helping.”

“Knowing him, he’d say you don’t have to,” Hyunwoo grins. “But I can ask him for some hypothetical answer, if you want?”

“Sure,” Hyungwon says.

They don’t notice someone enter the room until a shadow suddenly looms above them. It’s Jooheon, clad in casual all-black and a serene smile, standing in front of them. “Mind if I join you guys?”

“Knock yourself out,” Hyungwon says. His smile is wider than usual, something Hyunwoo’s glad to see. He pats Hyungwon’s shoulder one last time before standing up.

“You’re leaving? Just because I’m here?” Jooheon gasps, gawking at Hyunwoo with puppy eyes that only Hoseok’s can rival.

“I’m gonna go talk to Kihyun since you left him alone,” Hyunwoo answers.

Jooheon’s eyes widen and he nods in understanding. “Oh! Oh, right. Okay.”

Hyunwoo chuckles and shakes his head, then glances at Hyungwon with a knowing look. Sure enough, Hyungwon’s ears turn three shades pinker.

 

 

 

 

Kihyun is tired.

Hyunwoo asks him to rest every now and then as they talk in the gazebo, but Kihyun insists with his choice. _Just in case more visitors arrive_ or _the fresh air calms me_ , he keeps saying. Even Hoseok and Changkyun have left to return inside after trying to help Hyunwoo talk Kihyun into going inside, leaving the both of them gazing at their friends through the glass doors of the waiting building. Hyungwon and Jooheon are talking intently, and Hyunwoo can pinpoint moments where Hyungwon seems to be smiling even the slightest. Hoseok has switched with Minhyuk in napping, the latter sitting next to Changkyun with his arm wrapped around the boy’s shoulder, the younger leaning against his chest and seemingly asleep as well.

So Hyunwoo decides to indulge Kihyun’s stubbornness. Replies _I’ll stay here with you_ whenever Kihyun tells him he can go join the others. To be fair, Hyunwoo does like the gentle breeze of the day. He wonders if it’s Hoseok’s doing to keep Kihyun cool.

And they talk. It’s mostly Kihyun again, who tells Hyunwoo about last night. How he’s thankful that Hyungwon has opened up to him over dinner last night and how Hyunwoo’s words from their talk has rung true. “He keeps slipping up with his words, he’s afraid to talk,” Kihyun says. “You’re right about Hyungwon’s feelings. I guess I just expected too much… but grief from loss just feels so different that you can’t think straight or know what to do.”

Hyunwoo nods. The weight of Hyungwon’s sadness isn’t something he can fathom. It must be difficult for him to bear the knowledge that he has to live all by himself now, to live without his kindred, and to live hiding a huge part of his identity.

“But he’s strong. He really tries hard to smile when he thanks the visitors. Sometimes I think… can I do that? Just thinking about losing someone I care about makes my heart ache,” Kihyun adds. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to sound like such a downer.”

“It’s fine. Death and grief are real. We do have to think about those sometimes,” Hyunwoo says.

“Changkyun said something like that earlier. I think his words were, ‘Knowing loss means knowing life.’ And you guys are right. All this happening makes me value everything and everyone I have.”

The corner of Kihyun’s lips twitch slightly, then slowly curl into a small smile as he looks up at Hyunwoo. There’s a message there, one buried underneath the relief in Kihyun’s eyes, one Hyunwoo almost grasps, until Kihyun breaks the silence with a soft chuckle. “Hoseok hyung you said you have some food on you?”

“Right.”

They share the last piece of samgak kimbap in silence. A silence long enough for the message to sink in.

_Just thinking about losing someone I care about makes my heart ache._

Hyunwoo wonders if The Forest Goddess has ever felt guilty for having to make Hyungwon experience the grief of loss, regardless of its impermanence.

He tries to reassure himself that their cases are different – he never asked to be swept away by the river that day, he had no control and no idea back then that he would inflict a painful memory into Kihyun. It’s not the same.

“You okay, hyung?” comes Kihyun’s voice. “You’ve barely eaten your half.”

The younger boy’s smile is calm and reassuring, with relief buried underneath his eyes and the same message Hyunwoo thinks he’s grasped. But maybe the message behind Kihyun’s eyes is supposed to be lighter, a comfort for the both of them, that Kihyun’s just glad Hyunwoo’s alive.

 

 

 

 

 

They eat lunch in Hyungwon’s house.

It has sounded like an awkward idea at first, but everyone has agreed that keeping Hyungwon company is their priority. Hyunwoo overhears Jooheon whisper his fear of possibly seeing the ghost of Hyungwon’s mom if he’s left alone in a room or something, and Hoseok tries to soothe those fears, even though he has displayed the same fear of getting visited in his dreams.

Surprisingly, it has become a affair lighter than they have imagined with thanks to Jooheon and Minhyuk. Hyungwon seems to have an appetite too even though he has eaten slowly and minimally, and he does listen to everyone else talk even if he tends to get fazed and stare at his lap. The younger boy is silent throughout their meal, but he evidently looks appreciative that their table is somewhat lively.

Hyunwoo only realizes why Hyungwon has kept staring down during lunch when he opens his phone.

 

_please stay after lunch_

 

It’s addressed to him, Hoseok, and Minhyuk only.

 

 

 

 

“We’re going to where?”

“A vineyard.”

Hoseok and Minhyuk exchange befuddled looks. Why in the world would Hyungwon take them to one?

Hyungwon obviously notices. “It’s… mine. Mine now.”

“You own a vineyard now,” Minhyuk repeats, his expression a mix of humor and disbelief. It sounds… almost absurd, really. Hyungwon’s only nineteen. “No wonder you’re so rich. I knew it wasn’t just the flower shop.”

“Why didn’t you tell us you had another family business?” Hoseok asks.

“I didn’t know.” Hyungwon presses his lips together and shakes his head, holding the urn of his mother’s ashes close to him. He then takes out his phone and waves it a little before typing down.

 

_i promise i’ll explain everything later properly_

_ahn-ssi can hear us_

 

They immediately understand, especially after witnessing the lawyer’s skepticism in letting the three of them accompany Hyungwon. Hoseok and Minhyuk settle to nap again, while Hyunwoo resigns to playing some mobile games to pass the time. It’s a relief to see Hyungwon doze off eventually after half an hour during the trip, and it does make Hyunwoo feel a bit sleepy too…

He only realizes he has fallen asleep once he feels a jab on his arm, waking up to Minhyuk leaning towards him while he stands outside the SUV with Hoseok.

“We’re here, hyung,” the younger man whispers, as though not to startle a sleeping Hyungwon, but Hyunwoo realizes that he’s the only one left inside.

A fresh gentle breeze welcomes him as he steps out of the vehicle, the light scent of earthy dew mixing with the artificial pine seeping out of the car interior. The rural view is breathtaking, to say the least, with grand country houses bunched together against the backdrop of forest trees and hills.

Hyunwoo breathes in the fresh air and places a hand over his eyes to shield them from the brighter sun. “Hoseokkie, clouds please,” he hears Minhyuk whine from behind. And sure enough, the earth below his feet dims.

He turns around and holds his breath for a moment - in the distance are lines of planted grapes in the greenest field he has ever seen, bordered by deep brown-trunked trees and a nearby cottage-style house. It’s only a small vineyard, but the rich color of the vines wrapped around human-height trellises and the dangling colored grapes boast the produce’s quality.

Hyunwoo spots Hyungwon’s slim figure jog from the cottage towards them while Ahn-ssi and the driver head off to the town’s direction.

He smiles meekly at them. “Let’s go.”

 

 

 

 

 

Hyungwon doesn’t take the lead as they wade through the vineyard field. This is all new to him, as new as it is for Hyunwoo and the brothers too, but the way Hyungwon smiles at the grapevines as he runs a hand from leaf to leaf gives off an air of familiarity for him.

He, Hoseok, and Minhyuk settle on the grass at the end of the field far, far away from the cottage and the car. While Hyungwon continues roaming through the field of vines, Hyunwoo stares at a nearby lake while listening to Hoseok and Minhyuk talk about how tasty the grapes look and how weird it is to find too many fireflies this afternoon.

“Maybe it’s because of your clouds, they think it’s too dark,” Minhyuk jokes. “Mind if you make the wind blow a little more?”

“The weather report didn’t mention anything about a windy cloudy day anywhere in the country,” Hoseok chides, crossing his arms.

“What does the weatherman know anyway,” Minhyuk scoffs. “Come on, Hoseokkie. It’s still hot.”

“I really shouldn’t spoil you,” Hoseok groans. But the wind blows a little stronger, and its touch is much cooler, making Hyunwoo chuckle.

It’s not long before Hyungwon sits with them, urn cradled in his arms. Hoseok and Minhyuk fall silent for a while, giving way to the gentle sway of lakewater and light cricket chirps.

“Sorry for suddenly taking you guys here,” the youngest begins.

“You coulda told us earlier before Ahn-ssi picked us up. But I forgive you, since I haven’t had this kind of fresh air in years,” Minhyuk says with a playful and kind smile. Minhyuk spreads his arms out like wings and takes a deep breath. Hyunwoo does too - it feels refreshing. “So, you own all this now.”

“It’s mom’s parting gift. She never told me she had it, but it’s in her will and her letter to me.”

“How did she even hide all this from you?” Hoseok asks. “This is big. I mean, she profited from this too, didn’t she?”

“Y-Yeah,” Hyungwon answers shakily. “Um… I don’t know why she hid it from me. All Mom said in her letter was know this land used to be my father’s and this used to be his hobby vineyard. Mom blessed it before she gave up half her power to be with me.”

Hyunwoo exchanges glances with the brothers, all of them at a loss for words.

“Please don’t look so sad, guys. I’m okay,” Hyungwon says. His smile is still small, but there are no hints of lying in his face or his tone.

“It’s hard not to,” Minhyuk replies. “So, what’s the deal with this place? Who’s been taking care of it?”

“Mom hired people. I have to meet them eventually…” Hyungwon sighs. It’s understandable for him to feel overwhelmed with having to carry on a family business. “She partnered this place with a winery, they’re in charge of maintaining this place too. I forgot what brand…”

“Tell us when you find out. We should have discounts when we buy then,” Hyunwoo tries jesting. Hyungwon can’t help but snort.

“You don’t even drink wine,” Hoseok retorts with a smirk.

“If I could afford, then maybe I would.”

“That is one whole-ass mood right there,” Minhyuk grins.

It’s nice to see Hyungwon laughing more now with his teeth finally out. “We’ll see. I asked Ahn-ssi if we could take it slow since the semester still isn’t done. I can’t handle all this while exams are waiting to screw me over.”

Hyunwoo nods. “That’s good. But it still doesn’t answer why you brought us here.”

Hyungwon takes a deep breath. His gaze moves back to the field of grapevines. “Mom asked me to spread her ashes there.” He then looks at Hoseok, and the older man almost stumbles back in surprise. “Hyung.”

Creases form on Hoseok’s forehead as he stares at the urn in Hyungwon’s hands. “You want me to…”

“Yeah.” Hyungwon’s lips curl downwards as he looks back at the urn in his hands, his thumb stroking the smooth ceramic surface. “No matter what happens, every fiber of her being exists for Nature, even the body she used to stay.”

And before they know it, teardrops begin falling on the urn. Hyungwon’s grip on it tightens. “I’m sorry. I’m really, really sorry, hyung. I didn’t want to trouble you, I promised Mom I would be strong when I do this but… I can’t. I can’t do this all alone.”

Minhyuk quickly kneels to Hyungwon’s side and cups the boy’s face, shaking his head and tutting. “Who said you have to do this alone? We’re here, aren’t we?”

“And I never said I was troubled,” Hoseok continues with a weak smile. “I admit… it’s… scary, but all of this is. The thing that scared us the most isn’t losing her, though. We were scared that you’d feel alone.”

Hyunwoo exhales, feeling the weight of his friends’ words on his heart. He isn’t as eloquent as Minhyuk or as emotional as Hoseok, but he understands that up until now Hyungwon’s still struggling with heartbreak. “You’re never alone, Hyungwon. You know this. It’s why you asked us to be with you now, because you know we’re always here for you.”

“Hyung’s right. Pain keeps us from seeing the silver lining, the happier truths in our lives.” Minhyuk sniffles and strokes Hyungwon’s hair.

Trails of tears now line Hoseok’s cheeks, but the man keeps smiling, especially when Hyungwon bursts into ugly laughs from Hoseok’s red face. Minhyuk can’t help himself either, and he starts crying too. Hyunwoo isn’t sure if it’s from the moment’s joy or pent up sadness. Before he realizes it, he sheds a lone tear and turns away before the others can see him.

“Thank you, you guys are the best hyungs I could ever have,” Hyungwon croaks, shyly smiling. “Will you… do it, Hoseok hyung?”

“Yeah. I just want to make sure that you want me to do this,” Hoseok affirms.

Hyungwon’s tear-filled eyes look like glass as he looks at them. “I am. To honor her wishes. She loves you three too, and she’ll be thankful that… that you helped me.”

“We know that,” Minhyuk smiles.

 

 

 

 

 

The clock strikes 4 when Hyungwon stands in front of the field with a wistful twinkle in his eyes. Hyunwoo can see him mouth words and even catch his whispers of thanks towards his mother. “You spread his ashes here too right?” he overhears, and Hyunwoo can only guess that ‘he’ refers to Hyungwon’s father.

Behind them stand Minhyuk, holding the open urn in his hands, and Hoseok standing next to him. Hoseok’s eyes are closed and his hands are clasped together, pressed against his nose, as though he’s whispering the most sacred prayer.

He calls the wind, and sure enough it listens. It always does.

Hyunwoo feels a light gust sweep past him, and he turns to see ashes slowly move out of the urn, carried like sand in the wind above their heads. The ashes pool together into a smoky billow above the field and, as Hoseok parts his hands and finally opens his eyes, erupts like a puff of fireworks, scattering dust above the field.

Hyungwon takes deep breaths and closes his eyes.

“Hey, uh, do we also spread the bones?” Minhyuk calls from behind. “These look pretty sharp.”

“Oh, right.” Hyungwon turns to look at all of them. “She said I should leave her bones by the forest entrance near the cottage.”

“What for?” Hoseok asks, shifting uncomfortably after glancing at the remains in the jar. Hyunwoo doesn’t even think of looking.

Especially not with how Hyungwon’s smiling at them.

“She promised a tree would grow from her bones after three days, and that tree is my door to see her again.”

 

 

 

 

 

Hyunwoo gives the vineyard one last look before returning to the car, remembering how confused he has been hours ago for having to be here. But now he understands Hyungwon’s situation a lot more. And he thinks he understands the Forest Goddess a lot more now too.

He has never known much about Hyungwon’s father, but he can feel The Forest Goddess has loved the man so much that she has made the his home a gift to their only son, a place Hyungwon can meet her again, and a promise that Hyungwon will be okay. A part of him believes that maybe, just maybe, The Forest Goddess has known that Hyungwon would call them to be with him, that this is how Hyungwon will start to cope and accept that he's now a demigod living like the rest of their group - bound to mortal life and far away from their god-parent. But it feels strange for Hyunwoo to know that one lone tree is Hyungwon's only portal to the ethereal realm, unlike him who has entire oceans and smaller watercourses at his disposal if ever he wants to see his father.

He feels like visiting Han River again once they arrive in Seoul.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi hello annyeong!!! to everyone still reading thank you so much ;-; i've struggled to update this fic for a while because LORE (lmao i know what i typed up was a mess gomennasai but it will make sense in the next chapters... and yes, wonhyuk's dad did THAT). also, i've done my research on sk's funeral rites and i really didn't want to expound too much on that, so that was another factor of why it took me a while to update. yo i didn't want hw to suffer this much okay
> 
> anyway! this update is for everyone who has stuck with this story, especially bella and mayuki for many reasons. thank you friends very much ;-; 
> 
> you can find me @[tsunkyuns](https://twitter.com/tsunkyuns) or @[tsunwrites](https://twitter.com/tsunwrites) :D
> 
> p.s. even though changkyun's cameo is short in this chapter, he's always in my heart because i love him very much


	5. submerge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “And… I let myself be selfish in that moment too, I guess. To spend time with Kihyun alone again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first thing's first: i suggest you guys to check the previous chapter bc i've edited it several times, it's longer than how i posted it last june 18
> 
> secondly i'm updating on my phone so forgive me for errors imma fix them tomorrow or on the weekend ok

submerge

 

~

 

_“I asked tips from Hyunwoo hyung on how to be chill, y’know, but all he said was ‘submerge yourself in water’, which is… not my style? I mean, I like the feeling of being underwater sometimes, it is relaxing, but I lose track of time when I go swimming, and not being able to see beyond the water kind of bothers me. I guess that doesn’t bother hyung at all, though.”_

 

* * *

 

Time dictates routine, they say, with how one shapes their actions and feelings around a timeframe of circumstance. But then time itself is routine with fixed seconds in a minute and fixed minutes in an hour. Time dictates twenty four hours a day, seven days a week, fifty two weeks a year, and so on until the largest unit of time that reaches close to eternity.

Time doesn’t change its course for anyone; this hits Hyunwoo when he’s greeted by Monday through a phone alarm (which he greets back by pressing the snooze button) and finds a still-sleepy Hoseok when he reaches the living room, the younger already changed and ready to go out because it’s in his schedule to have a class at 9 AM. It hits Hyunwoo again when he finds himself in one of his majors at 10:30 AM and spots Hyungwon and Jooheon outside the window, walking together in the campus courtyard, knowing that Hyungwon won’t break his routine of school even after the heavy weekend.

Things are returning to normal. Or, at least, they should be.

Routine does greet Hyunwoo again when he sees Kihyun show up in the university pool area in the afternoon doing some homework by the bleachers while he swims. And of course, Kihyun’s hand is outstretched already in front of him when he reaches the pool edge after the coach’s final whistle.

They have dinner together again tonight in one of their favorite budget eateries outside the university. Kihyun orders chicken, as usual, Hyunwoo gets the daily special, and they sit together at their usual spot in the corner with the rickety table. The auntie waitress teases them for being absent an entire week, and Hyunwoo listens to Kihyun humor the woman like an amateur charmer with cringeworthy compliments.

They talk about Hyungwon again over the course of their meal, a brief update on how he’s doing. Kihyun says the younger man is going to stay in his actual house for a while because of business matters. Apparently he has met the company that acquired his family’s flower shop the previous day and now Hyungwon has to deal with more inheritance and financial affairs. Kihyun doesn’t seem to know anything about the vineyard, and it’s better that way.

“I hope he’s not tiring himself out. I’m sure he has the week booked for other matters too.”

“It can’t be helped. Him being busy, I mean. But keep reminding him on important basic things, if that helps you calm down,” Hyunwoo says.

“Oh, definitely. It’ll help both him and me,” Kihyun laughs softly, light and genuine. “How about you, hyung? How are you?”

Hyunwoo downs the beef and rice he’s chewing first. “I’m fine.”

The younger man immediately smiles. “You’re probably glad you can swim again.”

“You make me sound like swimming is my whole life,” Hyunwoo remarks, pinching a piece of beef with his chopsticks. Well, Hyunwoo does enjoy swimming more than anything in the world, but it’s not the only thing he likes doing.

He’s not wrong, though. The previous week has been… unnatural. No swimming, no Kihyun, no surety of things, no water to placate his growing discomforts.

“Well, whether you admit it or not, I’m glad to see you swimming again,” Kihyun chuckles.

Hyunwoo only smiles. If he’s being honest, he can’t imagine practicing without Kihyun there to pull him up afterwards. Out of familiarity or fondness, he isn’t sure anymore - the line between is blurred enough, and it’s not necessarily a bad thing.

“So, what took you long earlier in the locker room?” Kihyun asks.

“Meeting with the coach. Me and the others for nationals,” Hyunwoo says. “Just some news.”

He explains that none of his upperclassmen from the past had told him how qualifying for the nationals could change his training schedule. Or maybe they had talked about it when Hyunwoo was in the vicinity, but he was probably swimming his minutes away and focusing on his breaths to even care.

So he learns a former competitive swimmer-turned coach will be watching over them by the bleachers starting this week for _another_ type of screening. Time is crucial in a swimmer’s mindset in competition apart from form and skill, but their coach has emphasized this person wants to see ‘character’, complete with air quotes their coach did while explaining this. Hyunwoo overhears his fellow qualified teammates grumble about feeling pressured under a stranger’s gaze, but he doesn’t think of it too much. All that matters is his time with the water.

“If you try to look for him, don’t. He blends in and being too conscious of his presence will throw you off, but I’m telling you this to give you a chance to reflect on your character and motivation in being representatives for the nationals,” their coach has said. Funnily enough, Hyunwoo overhears his teammates again and stifles a laugh when they considered Kihyun as the possible secret coach. And of course Kihyun has a laugh over this too.

“Me, a coach? Do I look that old?!” Kihyun gasps humoredly. “I can’t even swim as well as the worst swimmer in your team. Or maybe I _can,_ but that’s still not good enough to be a coach.”

“Harsh,” Hyunwoo grins.

“It’s true, though! I’ve seen how everyone in your team swims and one of them… how did they even pass the tryouts? Credentials? Nephew of the coach?”

“Harsher.”

“I’m just honest,” Kihyun huffs. “I’m excited to find out who this new coach would be, though. This’ll be like an Easter egg hunt! And if I find him, I can chat him up on how great you are.”

Hyunwoo laughs. Kihyun, always ever more enthusiastic than him when it comes to his potential career in competitive swimming. “You don’t have to, Ki.”

Kihyun smiles. “I guess I don’t, your swimming speaks for itself. But I do want the guy to know you have a good heart.”

“You really don’t have to,” Hyunwoo repeats, his tone softer but full of fondness. It’s so easy to appreciate Kihyun’s care for him, especially when he flashes his bright smile and speaks with unwavering genuineness.

Out of all his friends, it’s always Kihyun who supports him with no strings attached and all of his feelings laid bare. He involves himself the most in Hyunwoo’s swimming endeavors, and Hyunwoo himself doesn’t understand why at times. He doesn’t want to believe Hoseok’s theory that Kihyun’s only doing this to atone for the past (not that he had anything to atone for anyway) nor does he think Kihyun’s doing this out of sheer interest in swimming.

He does remember Kihyun saying his swimming is _almost hypnotizing._ It’s a thing he’s come to accept more after the competition, what with Jooheon’s admirable effort to make it known that he and the rest of their friends are cheering for Hyunwoo, that Hyunwoo is worth all their hype and support, that Hyunwoo has earned their enthusiasm with his form and technique. He’s never heard louder cheers for anyone else, and it feels extremely humbling to know the weight of their expectations.

But Kihyun. There’s something he can’t seem to put a finger on and it gnaws him when he takes the time to ponder, but maybe he’s only overthinking that there’s a something that isn’t even there.

 

 

 

 

 

“Ow...”

“Sorry.”

“It’s okay, silly,” Minhyuk giggles, quickly cupping Changkyun’s face and giving the younger boy’s forehead a kiss. “I was only being dramatic.”

“Save your theatrics for your actual drama class,” Kihyun hollers. “Let me teach Changkyun how to dance if you can’t stand your toes getting stepped on.”

“Get your own boyfriend to dance with, you dunce,” Minhyuk snaps back.

Hyunwoo lowers his stapled bundle of lecture notes when Hoseok’s laugh goes from goofy to high-pitched, courtesy of Kihyun and Minhyuk trying to best each other on their dancing skills with words. Changkyun sighs and retires to the nearest couch, turning off the cotillion music playing from his phone’s speakers. The other two don’t seem to hear anything else but each other as they continue squabbling.

“Why are they dancing again?” Hyunwoo whispers to Hoseok. He isn’t even supposed to be here in Minhyuk and Jooheon’s flat, but Kihyun has dragged him along after swimming practice because he ‘has to meet Hoseok, and he’s in Minhyuk’s place right now.’ Thankfully there’s food - ramen, since Minhyuk made Hoseok cook - and Hyunwoo only remembers eating while waltz music kept repeating in the background.

“There’s this event in Changkyunnie’s school,” Hoseok says. “They practiced earlier but he said he kept stepping on his partner’s feet, so he wants to do better.”

“Changkyun doesn’t sound like someone who would be that clumsy,” Hyunwoo muses.

A small smile forms on Hoseok’s face. “You’d be surprised, we met because of his clumsiness… but yeah, not _that_ clumsy. He’s just tired now.” The smile slowly falls. “...so pressured to get in a good school even if he says he isn’t, it’s obvious with how he’s overworking himself.”

Hyunwoo quickly turns to his side when Kihyun finally sits down again, sinking the cushion of his side on the sofa. A light laugh rings across them, and Hyunwoo’s gaze moves to Minhyuk pulling Changkyun back on his feet. The youngest boy does look more tired than usual, bags under his eyes more evident since the last time they saw each other, but his smile is wide with his body pressed against Minhyuk’s as he gets spun around after a tight hug.

“You guys stay here, we’re just gonna go buy ice cream downstairs,” Minhyuk says as Changkyun pulls away from him. They watch the youngest run to the door and stuff his feet in his shoes, followed suit by Minhyuk. Of course Kihyun chases after them and hands them some money, but his voice is too soft from the distance for Hyunwoo to understand.

When the couple has finally left, Kihyun walks back to them again and raises one thumb up. “Asked them to buy ice cream for us too.”

“Ice cream, huh.” Hoseok grins. “They won’t be back for a while, though. They’re gonna walk.”

“Obviously, but it doesn’t matter. We’re not rushing to eat them yet. Changkyun, though… kid needs energy, he looks exhausted.”

“Yeah,” Hoseok nods. “Really glad Changkyun has Min. Always making him happy. And taking care of him.”

“They’re so different from each other, though, it’s still crazy for me that Changkyun fell for Minhyuk,” Kihyun says.

“Maybe that’s why,” Hyunwoo suggests. Admittedly he doesn’t know much on how they had gotten together. He only remembers bits and pieces of memories with Minhyuk’s hopeful sighing and sudden worrying. _Do I come off too strongly?_ he recalls Minhyuk asking. _Maybe I’m bothering him…_

It had been Kihyun mostly who Minhyuk talked to about his feelings for Changkyun. There had been nights when Kihyun would pull Hyunwoo out of the water after practice and he’d notice Minhyuk by the bleachers in the waiting area, eyes trained on his phone with the most solemn gaze. Nights when there had been more clouds covering the night sky, hiding the stars or the absence of them, Hyunwoo’s unsure. And yet Kihyun had managed to temper Minhyuk’s newfound anxieties. _Talk to him_ and _He still entertains you, that’s something._ He had been nothing but supportive and kind, so Hyunwoo knows despite their banters, Kihyun and Minhyuk never truly argue with each other in disdain.

“There are so many things to like about Min. His effort to win Changkyun over, for one,” Hoseok adds, crossing his arms.

“I know, I know,” Kihyun exhales. Just in line with Hyunwoo’s recollection. “But it still feels weird. Changkyun is a big fan of personal space, and yet-”

“They’re a couple,” Hoseok interrupts. “Guess you can’t understand it fully until you’ve fallen in love or something. Or maybe you’re just jealous Min has a love life?”

Pale red paints the entirety of Kihyun’s ears down to the back of his neck. “I’m not jealous, and I don’t need to fall in love to understand. I’m just saying Changkyun’s personality and skinship are an odd pair.”

“If you say so,” Hoseok singsongs. “Hey, it’s fine to admit you’re feeling lonely.”

“I’m not,” Kihyun repeats.

Hoseok snorts. “I’m very open to being your live-in partner in the future if you don’t get married at, like, thirty.”

“Dream on, dumbass,” Kihyun smirks, his cheeks now dusted pink as well. “You just want me to cook ramen for you.”

“Damn, you got me totally figured out,” Hoseok laughs. “Offer still stands, though.”

“How about offer me ideas for our project?” Kihyun scoffs.

“How about you, Hyunwoo? Would you like to take me up on my offer?” Hoseok asks, ignoring Kihyun’s daggered stare from behind.

“Well, you are a good roommate, but I don’t know,” Hyunwoo chuckles.

“Politely declined, I see how it is,” Hoseok says with a small smile. “I doubt that you won’t get married, though. You’re a catch.”

“Can you please stop flirting with hyung and focus on me?” Kihyun barks, cheeks flushed a deeper red now. “We have a project to do.”

“Fine, fine,” Hoseok grumbles. Hyunwoo feels a twinge of guilt for entertaining Hoseok’s little jokes now that Kihyun looks exasperated. He mouths an _I’m sorry_ when Kihyun looks his way, and Kihyun presses his lips together while giving a single nod. Forgiven, at least, and Hyunwoo goes back to peruse his notes.

His focus is resilient for the first few minutes, but soon his mind drifts away from a lecture on the physiology of exercise to the words Kihyun and Hoseok are exchanging. Or rather, Kihyun’s ranting and Hoseok enduring it through nods and head shaking.

He learns it’s a creative project, due on the last week of the semester, with limitless possibilities to execute, and the extreme freedom of it ironically makes it more difficult for Kihyun. The younger man keeps listing down topics they could tackle - movements, subcultures, media, sexuality, folklore - _there’s too many to choose from!_ Adding to Kihyun’s frustration is how they plan to present whatever they choose creatively. Hyunwoo can’t blame him - it does sound maddening to be given that much independence over an assignment.

But Hoseok only shrugs with a calm demeanor while scrolling through his phone. “Why not pictures, then, Mr. Photographer? We could make a scrapbook or a video. Oh, oh, we could totally make a vid, like we’re vlogging. Or a montage. No, the vlog sounds cooler.”

“That’s… not a bad idea. Why didn’t I think of that?” Kihyun says. Hyunwoo sneaks a peek from the corner of his eye and smiles, seeing how much more relaxed Kihyun looks and sounds.

“Because I’m a genius,” Hoseok grins. “So d’you want it to be a vlog? I’m down for it.”

“I know you’re excited to show off your oh so handsome face, but make your genius brain think of a topic first, Einstein,” Kihyun chuckles.

Even Hyunwoo laughs, and Kihyun looks at him pointedly before saying he should go back to reviewing. It’s only fair, considering Hyunwoo has told Kihyun he needs to reread his notes for an upcoming quiz. It’s easier to focus now with Kihyun and Hoseok agreeing to research quietly for topics they may like to tackle for their project before they actually discuss what to do, to avoid tossing around ideas messily again and out of consideration for Hyunwoo. A good thirty minutes pass with Hyunwoo ready to read the last topic of his review while the sounds of Kihyun’s fingers tapping the keys of his laptop keyboard and tinny music from Hoseok’s earphones remind him his friends are still around.

Minhyuk and Changkyun will be back sooner or later, and Hyunwoo decides he can rest his eyes for a bit until the two arrive.

 

 

 

 

 

Hyunwoo realizes that he did not just rest his eyes for a bit. He sits up in a groggy state, blinking his eyes slowly until his vision clears. The living room is dimmer now, save for the corner of the room with a television on. He blinks again and finds Jooheon on the solo couch, legs hanging down the chair armrest and his back against the other, enthusiastically tapping buttons on his PS4 controller.

“What time is it?” he asks, voice slightly raspy.

“Uh-” Jooheon pauses his game, freezing the image of a pale bulky man and a tiny boy with a shooting bow talking to a gigantic blue sea serpent on the screen. “9:46.”

“Oh.” He squints as he scans the rest of the room, but Kihyun and Hoseok are out of sight.

“Hoseok hyung will be back to get you,” Jooheon adds, now back to gaming, his tongue peeking slightly from the corner of his lips. “He just walked Kihyunnie hyung home. They left an hour ago, I think.”

“I see.” Huh, he wonders why they didn’t wake him up. The three of them live a train ride away from here, and Hoseok wouldn’t have to come back and spend his precious minutes commuting. Or maybe Hoseok just took Kihyun to the train station, but it doesn’t add up if they had left an hour ago and Hoseok still isn’t back.

“Is it okay with you if I make the TV louder now?” Even in the dark, Hyunwoo can see Jooheon’s pearly white grin.

“Sure.”

“Cheer for me, hyung?” Jooheon adds.

Hyunwoo laughs softly. “To return the favor, sure.”

“Sweet.”

And Hyunwoo keeps his eyes on the television screen after, marveling at how stunning the graphics look. He isn’t much of a gamer and he hasn’t really paid attention to Minhyuk’s raving over games back when they were kids, but he’s aware of how videogame development has progressed to release aesthetically appealing games with a myriad of stories. He can understand why people pick this up as a hobby even if he can’t relate. He’s always been more sports-oriented, preferring physical tangibility over virtual impalpability.

“What’s the game?” he asks, watching Jooheon’s character trudge through dry land with even dryer grass.

“God of War,” Jooheon answers. “The coolest game I’ve played this year! Combat is super cool, and the story is promising! I’ve read some spoilers, but it doesn’t stop me from being excited.”

“What’s the story then?” Hyunwoo adds, amused at the cheeriness in Jooheon’s tone.

“Spoilers or spoiler-free?”

“Spoilers. I know you have a hard time holding back.”

“Rude, hyung,” Jooheon pouts.

Hyunwoo grins. “I won’t play, so I don’t mind hearing what it’s about.”

Jooheon clears his throat as a bunch of monsters pop up on screen, and his character begins throwing an axe around while his young companion starts shooting blue-laced arrows. “It’s about Kratos, this guy I’m controlling, he’s the Greek god of war after killing Ares when he was younger. He killed all the Greek gods, but they’re pretty crap to him to begin with.”

“He’s Greek? I thought he was Thor… wait, Thor uses a hammer. And he isn’t bald.”

“Funny you’d say that! This game is actually set with Norse Mythology. And yeah, this guy is way cooler than Thor. Badass weapon too.” On cue, Jooheon’s character hits his enemies with a flurry of heavy combos. “So he’s on a mission with his son-”

“The one with the arrows?”

“-the one with the arrows, yeah, to spread his wife’s ashes in the highest peak of all the Nine Realms. But this won’t be a videogame if there aren’t enemies along the way. Also, I fought a huge dragon, hyung. So badass!”

“Sounds badass,” Hyunwoo smiles. Jooheon’s so into this, it’s adorable. He wonders how Hyungwon would feel seeing how happy Jooheon is right now.

“I’ve read reviews and the storytelling is amazing. And I don’t think I have to spoil you about all the details, but it’s basically the god’s story of completing his mission and learning how to be a good dad.” Jooheon pauses the screen and looks at Hyunwoo. “Y’know, something bothers me about it, though.”

“What is it?”

Jooheon looks hesitant at first, but shakes his head and stares at Hyunwoo right in the eyes. “Minhyuk hyung bought this game. It’s very much his type too - great gameplay, smooth combat, cool story, all that jazz. But I don’t understand why he stopped playing it.”

Hyunwoo only blinks.

And apologizes mentally to Jooheon because he can never say why.

“I was wondering if you’d know, ‘cause you’ve known him since way before. Even Changkyunnie doesn’t get it.”

“I… I’m not sure either, sorry,” he manages. Another sucker punch in his gut for lying to the kindest friend he has. “Maybe Minhyuk plans to play it during summer vacation to enjoy it more?”

Thank the stars, Jooheon nods. “Makes sense, though it’s also a good stress reliever, and the semester isn’t getting easier…”

“I’m no gamer but we all play games in different ways,” Hyunwoo tries. “Speaking of Min, where is he?”

“Sleeping. He walked Changkyun home and got pooped. Oh yeah, you have a popsicle of ice cream in the fridge.”

“Keep it,” Hyunwoo says. Jooheon’s eyes quickly shine with appreciation.

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

“You really are my favorite hyung,” Jooheon sighs.

Hyunwoo hides a small smile as he turns back to the screen, watching Jooheon start playing again. The younger boy deserves more than ice cream, really, with how he always manages to make things a little lighter for everyone.

He begins fixing his bag while spectating Jooheon’s game, surprised that his notes are neatly stacked in the living room table just beside his glass of water. Probably Kihyun’s doing; Hyunwoo can imagine his sleeping form with a bunch of stapled papers scattered on top of his clothed abdomen. Another few minutes pass before the doorbell rings, making Jooheon pause his game again and head for the door.

“Might be Hoseok hyung. But I gotta get my ice cream first.”

Of course Jooheon’s guess is right, and the younger boy walks back to his chair with an ice cream pop in his mouth while Hoseok saunters in with his messy fringe and dashing smile.

“Nice sleep? You dozed off for almost two hours,” Hoseok says.

“Didn’t realize I was that tired,” Hyunwoo replies.

“We figured,” the younger man laughs. “D’you want to go now or stay for a while?”

“We should go. Still have classes tomorrow.” Hyunwoo stands up and pulls his backpack on while Hoseok walks to Jooheon and kneels beside him.

“Thanks for taking care of hyung, Heonnie,” Hoseok coos, ruffling Jooheon’s hair.

The younger boy flinches, probably from his concentration being bothered, but he doesn’t frown as he finishes the last bits of his ice cream. “No biggie, he just slept anyway. You guys take care on your way back.”

“Lock the door when we leave, okay?”

“You sound like Kihyun hyung,” Jooheon laughs.

“Well, I did walk him home, didn’t realize he’d be super contagious in acting all safety-minded,” Hoseok replies, grinning. He glances at Hyunwoo and his smile turns sheepish. “Hope you don’t mind that I walked him to the station tonight.”

It’s nothing to mind, though. “It’s okay.”

They bid Jooheon one last goodbye, and thankfully Jooheon does walk with them to the door to see them off. It’s already a little late to take the train back to the station near their place, so Hoseok suggests they walk to the closest bus stop that leads exactly a block away from theirs. It’s a bit far from the apartment Minhyuk and Jooheon are staying, though, but Hyunwoo says he doesn’t mind. He has energy to expend after his comfy nap.

They pass through streets of low-rise apartments and open evening eateries while Hoseok eyes them down with an unfamiliar air of interest. He usually isn’t into heavy midnight snacks unless Minhyuk’s sleeping over.

“You hungry?” Hyunwoo asks. Hoseok’s shoulders jolt upwards for a moment before he stares at Hyunwoo and snorts goofily.

“No, I was just looking at the food. That’s what Kihyun and I are planning to do for our project, y’know. Food culture.” There’s a glimmer of excitement in Hoseok’s eyes. “We’re… actually not sure on what about food culture, since we’ve spent our time earlier debating on what we’d choose. We almost went for a topic related to K-dramas, but food is the more exciting option.”

“Plus you don’t have to go through the old dramas that made you cry,” Hyunwoo says.

Hoseok rolls his eyes. “For the record, that was Kihyun’s suggestion.”

“And food culture?”

“...also Kihyun.”

“Did you even think of a topic?”

Hoseok’s eyes narrow as he pouts. “Low blow. I listed down topics on social media, idol culture, sexuality in the country... ramen preferences. But those are a bit hard to take pictures for compared to food. Maybe except idol culture, but I dunno, we’d rather use our own pictures than fansites’.”

Hyunwoo nods. It’s a smart move to choose food culture, since it’s easily accessible. He does wonder how hard Hoseok has fought Kihyun for ramen preferences, though. 

“Plus, we’d probably go on food trips together. I’m so hyped for it!” Hoseok adds, swaying side to side happily while clapping his hands. “I’m still trying to convince Kihyun we should have it specified to ramen culture.”

Hyunwoo laughs softly. It’s so ridiculous how Hoseok adores the dish. “Watch your diet.”

“I know, I know,” Hoseok sighs. “Kihyun won’t let that happen, especially because of Minhyuk. You’d think he would be so chill over what I eat compared to Ki.”

“He’s your brother,” Hyunwoo reminds.

“I know.” Hoseok smiles as he looks at the stars wistfully. “You know, it’s pretty funny how Kihyun thought Minhyuk and I had a thing with each other before.”

Hyunwoo’s eyebrows furrow in concern. He doesn’t remember this. “When did he say that?”

“Oh, uh, three years ago? Our last year in high school, your first year in uni.”

Right. Hyunwoo’s almost forgotten that one year he spent alone in Seoul without his childhood friends. There’s nothing much to remember for him apart from swim team tryouts and training, getting to know Hyungwon more, meeting Jooheon for the first time, and visiting the neighborhood at least once every month. And back then, Hyunwoo had mostly visited his mother and barely saw Kihyun, Hoseok, or Minhyuk, since they were busy in cram school studying for the Suneung. Of course, the three of them had sent Hyunwoo many messages in their group chat, but their solid presence was always different. He’s thankful that they all managed to get in the same school as him, and being away from them for one year hadn’t changed their togetherness.

“What did you tell him?”

“That Minhyuk’s just like a very touchy brother. Wish I could say he actually is,” Hoseok says. “You know, I know I can be a dumbass or a jackass at times, but when it comes to Kihyun, it’s hard for me to just… fool around. Like I feel guilty every single time I have to lie to him.”

Hyunwoo only nods. He doesn’t need words when Hoseok knows well how much guilt he has carried since their childhood. It’s a comfort to know that someone relates to him specifically on Kihyun.

“How’d that night with Kihyun go, by the way?” Hoseok asks.

At first Hyunwoo doesn’t understand. But then he overhears the gentle sweep of small clashing waves in the distance, and soon enough he realizes Han River is just close by. The spot he and Kihyun had sat on the weekend ago is still far away, but Hyunwoo’s mind flashes memories of the evening again.

“He talked about his worries for Hyungwon, and-”

For some reason, he feels his chest squeeze a little again.

_You know, Hyunwoo, being away from you is really hard._

His eyes travel to the direction of the river, unsure of how he’ll react if he sees Hoseok’s expression. “He told me he heard us.”

A beat. Two. He can hear the water lap against the concrete walkway far ahead. “Oh.” Another beat. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” he sighs. There’s no point in mulling over the past after getting closure. “It’s just a misunderstanding.”

“A misunderstanding I caused,” Hoseok grumbles. “I’m really sorry, Hyunwoo.”

“It’s done, Hoseok. Things are even better now,” he admits. “Kihyun thought I thought he’s weak around water. We cleared things out.”

“Yeah... he told me earlier. Ki feels guilty thinking that, you know,” Hoseok says. “And I told him that he should be. You’re the last person who’d think so lowly of him.”

“You didn’t have to rub salt on the wound.”

“It’s a closed wound. Kihyun can take it. He needs some telling off too.”

“But-”

“It’s a promise we made to each other,” Hoseok interrupts. “Kihyun’s the only one who really calls me out directly when I do something stupid, and he asked me to do the same for him.”

“That sounds like something Kihyun and Minhyuk do for each other too,” Hyunwoo says, glancing again at the river. The glow of the full moon and the twinkling stars shimmer in their reflection.

“Well... yeah, they're best friends. But when it comes to calling each other out, they’re afraid to be each others’ harshest critic after their big fight.”

“Big… fight?”

“In our last year in high school,” Hoseok clarifies. “I thought Kihyun told you.”

Hyunwoo shakes his head. He hasn’t even heard anything about it.

“Oh… oops.” Hoseok fidgets with the hem of his sleeve.

“You don’t have to tell me what happened,” Hyunwoo says. He hasn’t been involved anyway, and he guesses it must be that bad if Kihyun and Minhyuk never speaks of it.

But a part of him wonders how much more he doesn’t know about the three of them during the year he’s been gone from the neighborhood. His gut sinks a little from the thought.

“I don’t remember much of it either, to be honest,” Hoseok says sheepishly. “I’d rather not too. Pretend I didn’t say anything.”

He nods. “So, what were we talking about?” There’s an attempt to be funny, but Hyunwoo knows his tone is close to emotionless. It’s something that makes him funnier sometimes, he remembers Jooheon say.

Hoseok cracks an assuring humored smile. “I dunno, the weather? It’s nice tonight.”

It is. The breeze partnered with the clear night sky. It’s been a while since Hyunwoo’s walked this late at night.

“You really don’t mind I walked Kihyun home tonight?” Hoseok suddenly asks. The younger man keeps walking ahead, pace slow, not looking back at Hyunwoo.

“Of course not.” It’s not a big deal…

Then Hoseok pauses on his tracks, and Hyunwoo can hear him let out a breathy exhale.

“We used to walk home together a lot before,” Hoseok says. He starts walking again. “Minhyuk’s parents enrolled him in a different hagwon, so it’s just me and Ki.”

Hyunwoo’s aware. He remembers all the messages Kihyun has sent about chiding Hoseok to focus in cram school.

“It was really hard for me back then. Like, I worried so much, I really wanted to get in our uni because it was Kihyun and Minhyuk’s goal too. But I’m not as smart as Kihyun or as positive as Min. And I’d think about Mom too. Leaving her side… it scared me so much.”

Another deep breath. Hyunwoo can see Hoseok’s hand curl into a trembling fist. “I didn’t know what to do. I could’ve had a scholarship too, just like you did, if I didn’t quit taekwondo all those years ago.” And his fist uncurls again. “But Ki helped me. Kept motivating me. He said I work the hardest out of the four of us when I’m really after a goal, and he said I’m just wrapped in a ball of fear all the time to see my potential.”

“That’s true,” Hyunwoo remarks. Hoseok has the brightest fire out of them all, and the only other person he’s seen to be just as passionate in their interests or advocacies is Jooheon. Hoseok used to be a taekwondo champion in their childhood because he loved the forms and exercise. He used to bake his own cookies and sold them door to door during the summer before Hyunwoo’s first year of high school just because he wanted to buy his mother a beautiful birthday gift. And of course Hoseok, as foolish as the act is, dared to confront his father and earned a scar for it.

But Hoseok falters in his fears almost too easily, and Hyunwoo can picture clearly Kihyun tending to Hoseok’s hidden bruised esteem.

“Sometimes when I get all anxious, we’d go to the GS25 near the abandoned house and eat ice cream or drink cold banana milk, and he’d teach me stuff I didn’t get in class or in cram school. If I get bored, he’d say one lame joke to wake me up. If he gets sleepy, I’d drag him to sing. We’d text Minhyuk to meet up with us on Fridays after cram school, and we’d stay in the old playground until Kihyun’s parents call him to go home.”

“Must’ve been nice,” Hyunwoo says, and it comes out almost… sad. He doesn’t mean it to be, but he doesn’t have the same kind of memories during his last year in high school. Sure, he has good friends in his class, but they’re not as close as Kihyun, Hoseok, and Minhyuk are to him and to each other. All his memories of cram school are blurs of written notes, droning teachers, and pencil shading.

“Yeah,” Hoseok says wistfully. “It was. I don’t think I’d be here without Kihyun, so I really want to make things up to him. School isn’t my forte but I’ll do my best for our project.”

There’s that unwavering determination in his words. Hyunwoo knows Kihyun would be ecstatic to hear Hoseok willing to work hard to save both their grades in their sociology class.

“You should tell that to Kihyun too,” Hyunwoo says. He notices they’re finally under the bus stop with a few people waiting alongside them.

“Maybe tomorrow,” Hoseok laughs, looking straight into Hyunwoo’s eyes. “He has no choice but to spend more time with me.”

“That can be vice versa. You have no choice but to spend it with him,” Hyunwoo says. “What if he drags you to watch our team’s swim training?”

“Ah, I don’t mind at all. It’s always nice to see you swim,” Hoseok grins. “And it’s nice spending time with Kihyun too. Class doesn’t count because that’s my time to sleep.”

"Speaking of sleep, I’m also not sure why you didn’t wake me up earlier. We all could’ve gone home together,” he admits.

“Are you mad about it? Sorry...” Hoseok squeaks. Hyunwoo immediately shakes his head.

Hoseok rubs the nape of his neck and looks at the ground. “I thought of that, but Kihyun didn’t want to wake you up. He saw how tired you are,” he replies. “And… I let myself be selfish in that moment too, I guess. To spend time with Kihyun alone again.”

 

 

 

 

 

Hyunwoo barely tries backstroke.

But today he has to try, what with the coach’s request. “There’s an individual medley relay, and I think you’re a good candidate for it.”

After the usual warm-ups and laps, Hyunwoo’s coach asks him to stand by for further instructions. The man suggests Hyunwoo to stay in the bleachers, but he also jests Hyunwoo can ‘float around’ if he wants too.

Hyunwoo, being Hyunwoo, takes up that offer, and loses his senses to the serene touch of water. Splashes are faint against low ambient noise, chatters dissolved, the darkness of his closed eyes tattered with radiance seeping from the unseen ceiling lights.

He misses this.

And slowly, slowly, he lets his body submerge fully in the pool water, dragged down by gravity as he bids his body to defy buoyancy. The water engulfs his form and pushes him forward despite his lack of movement, the cold of the pool drowning everything else away-

_Hyunwoo!_

His eyes snap open and he motions himself to stand, arms almost splashing around if not for his self-control.

He has almost forgotten Kihyun’s here, and what would Kihyun feel if he sees Hyunwoo’s body sink again?

Hyunwoo quickly turns to Kihyun’s usual spot by the bleachers and finds him typing on his laptop with Hoseok by his side, both of them exchanging words with wide smiles.

He lets out a breath of relief. Kihyun hasn’t seen what he did. He won’t worry.

And yet, why is unease still swimming in the depths of his chest?

 

 

 

 

 

It starts with one dinner.

The cramped little table in his and Kihyun’s usual place is filled with more food and less elbow room, especially because Hyunwoo has to share his side of the table with Hoseok. Not that it bothers him, really - he has eaten dinner with both of them before several times, all instances with Minhyuk squawking at them via text messages after for not dragging him along.

But of course Minhyuk won’t feel left out for now, since they’re having dinner together because of a project and he’s probably busy teaching Changkyun how to be confident while dancing.

Hyunwoo watches Kihyun work his magic with his camera while taking snapshots of their meals and taking videos of Hoseok charmingly introducing their topic with vlogger-like aesthetics. Hoseok tries dragging Hyunwoo in one of the shots, earning them one blooper clip that Kihyun jokingly says he’d add on. His little smile is endearing that Hyunwoo does cave in to a ‘yes’ if Kihyun really wants to put it in.

Kihyun’s enthusiasm is endearing overall; it’s obvious how pumped he is with the project. It’s a showcase of his hobbies outside his degree program, and Kihyun’s always wanted a break from the swamp of schoolwork he has involving calculators and textbooks. And Hyunwoo is glad to see him so engaged in something he’s interested in, what more now that he has Hoseok’s full attention and cooperation.

In fact, he hasn’t seen Kihyun smile like this for a while, not since the competition and their instance of miscommunication, and all it has taken is a few light-hearted jokes from Hoseok. Harmless jabs, teasing smirks, playful banter – all trademarks from Hoseok whenever he interacts with his close friends, but Hyunwoo only realizes now that it’s… somehow different with Kihyun. It’s reminiscent of a certain understanding, like how Hoseok treats Minhyuk differently… though that’s because they’re brothers.

This time, he can’t pin down exactly what that _different_ is.

Kihyun’s face seems to light up whenever Hoseok laughs his goofy snort too. Hyunwoo wonders if it’s been that way for a while.

 

 

 

 

 

The next dinner is a little quieter and a whole lot cheaper, but that’s because they’re at Kihyun’s.

The smell of spicy noodles wafts against Hyunwoo’s face as he pulls up a bundle with his chopsticks, his eyes trained on Kihyun mixing his own bowl of cheese-flavored ramen. Surprisingly, it isn’t Hoseok who has suggested ramen for their meal.

“I didn’t think you’d actually do this, y’know,” Hoseok says, smiling down at his own noodles.

“We said food culture of college students from our school. It’d be unbelievable if we didn’t have ramen,” Kihyun replies.

“That doesn’t mean you had to, like, do all this.” Hoseok gestures at the whole table, pointing at each of their bowls. Hyunwoo silently laughs at the clear astonishment in the younger man’s voice, especially knowing that Minhyuk has always kept warning Kihyun that overfeeding Hoseok with ramen is a no-no.

“Never thought the day would come that you would question the presence of ramen on the dinner table.”

A little pout stamps on Hoseok’s face as Kihyun’s eyebrows raise. “I’m just saying! You being so generous is rare.”

Kihyun clears his throat. “Who bought all the soda you drank in our lunches last week?”

The banter goes on, and Hyunwoo listens to them unravel the realization that he knows less about how Kihyun spends his time than he actually thought. He knows things of surface value like what his schedule for the semester is and how he spends Monday for photography club work; but he only learns now that Kihyun spends his Tuesday and Thursday lunches with Hoseok, and sometimes they eat together on Wednesdays together if Minhyuk hunts them down in campus.

It doesn’t bother Hyunwoo as much that the trio has never invited him over for lunch. In the first place, Hyunwoo’s break time overlaps with theirs due to his majors, and Hyunwoo tends to spend them with his teammates. At most, the closest friend he gets to eat lunch with is Jooheon, and this is better than the fact that Hyungwon doesn’t have a common break with any of them at all.

But a strange mix of feelings still stir within him. The very same ones he has felt a few days back, when Hoseok has reminisced his last years of high school with Kihyun and Minhyuk. Maybe it’s nostalgia over the days the four of them spent together in their childhood, how they’ve been deemed inseparable friends by other kids and familiar adults in the neighborhood. There’s this level of closeness they all share that seemed to be equal, broken only when Hoseok and Minhyuk learn of their kinship and gifts together.

He can be wrong, though. Hyunwoo’s a whole grade level higher than them, and that means they have more reasons to relate with each other than with him and have more experiences together without him. They probably have a deeper dynamic than what he observes now, too. Hoseok and Minhyuk evidently have the strongest bond of them all, and Kihyun and Minhyuk’s friendship is painted with genuine care beyond teasing with thanks to their self-proclaimed late evening deep conversations.

Hoseok and Kihyun, though.

There’s still something he can’t wrap his head around. The way they talk, maybe? Their actual dynamic? He remembers mundane things, like how they enjoy talking about food together because they both cook, or how Kihyun likes asking Hoseok to comment on his pictures because of Hoseok’s aesthetic eye. And all these are from rare instances when they hang out together without Minhyuk. “Rare” instances back then, at least, until Hyunwoo started college.

He doesn’t realize he hasn’t touched his food until he hears Kihyun and Hoseok break into laughter, unconsciously feeling his presence slowly shrink.

 

 

 

 

 

The pace of his training is going to change.  

Hyunwoo sits at the seventh starting block, watching his teammates start warming up without him. He takes slow, deep breaths at the thought that his new routine is going to be for a bigger competition. A make-or-break one.

He’s never really contemplated on having a career as an athlete, to be honest. Swimming has always been a way for him to feel more _in his element_. The real reason he joined the swim team (which everyone except Minhyuk had a hard time believing) back in middle school was so he could swim every day. This is all still surreal, how that little decision has brought him to a peak young swimmers strive to reach, and Hyunwoo wonders how the future will play out after the nationals. It’s no secret that a handful of people are banking on him as a potential Olympic swimmer. His coach and swim team, his former mentors, his mother, his friends-

“Hey.”

Hyunwoo turns around and finds Kihyun standing a safe distance from the pool, hands inside his pockets. Behind him is Hoseok sitting by the bleachers, seemingly stapling papers together with so much focus that his tongue is stuck out.

“Hey.”

A small smile. A small step forward. Hands out of the pockets. Kihyun waves at him meekly.

“Aren’t you going to swim yet?” Kihyun asks, head cocking slightly.

“Not yet. Coach said I’ll be training differently starting today,” he answers.

The younger man’s eyes widen. “Makes sense. You need more stamina for the individual medley.”

“Yeah.”

“So… are you excited to swim all the strokes?”

“Ki, we’ve been over this. I swam backstroke before,” Hyunwoo says, and Kihyun rolls his eyes.

“No, you didn’t. Floating around isn’t backstroke,” Kihyun presses, crossing his arms.

Hyunwoo chuckles. It’s really Kihyun who’s excited, considering that Hyunwoo’s going to swim what Kihyun dubs as ‘his rarest stroke’. Projecting his anticipation onto Hyunwoo never stops being funny. And, if Hyunwoo’s honest, is somewhat adorable.

“It’s close,” he tries with a small grin. It doesn’t faze Kihyun at all. “What’s so special about backstroke?”

“For one, I can rest easy knowing you get to breathe while swimming that,” Kihyun starts. Hyunwoo can feel the tips of his ears heat up, what with breathing underwater being a choice he can make. It’s flattering, still, to receive such consideration.

“And two, I just really want to see it.”

“Just because?” Hyunwoo asks. He isn’t sure there’s anything special with the stroke anyway, but then again Hyunwoo considers all forms of swimming elegant in their own way.

“Just because,” is the predictable answer. Hyunwoo doesn’t push it anymore.

Kihyun’s smile grows softer as he tucks his hands back in his pockets, their gazes on one another lingering. It’s rare for Hyunwoo to be the one looking up at Kihyun outside the pool water and without the younger man’s hand extended for him to grasp. But those moments last only for a few seconds, him pulling Hyunwoo back to his side, and Hyunwoo realizes he has never stopped to look at Kihyun’s whole face unless he’s out of reach.

It dawns on Hyunwoo how Kihyun’s eyes really twinkle as they shape into crescents. He’s so used to looking at the younger man’s smile - how his cheeks rise with plumpness in a grin, how his lips easily curl into his little smirks, how his mouth draws ajar in astonishment - but his eyes are still small wonders. They hold so much beyond Kihyun’s smiles, but Hyunwoo has never been much of an eye contact person. It’s a bit startling, especially with strangers, and can be awkward, especially in silences.

Right now, however, is an exception. Silent yet comforting.

Save for the growing flushed feeling in his cheeks and the clamminess of his hands. _Weird_ , he hasn’t been in the water yet at all.

Kihyun suddenly clears his throat, covering his mouth with his fist, before patting his chest and shifting his stare to the far right. “Hyung, is it okay if Hoseok hyung and I go ahead?”

“Yeah. You don’t really need my permission, Kihyun-ah,” Hyunwoo says. This project is important to them and Hyunwoo wouldn’t want to eat up time they could use by making them wait for him.

And Kihyun nods slowly. “Yeah! Yeah. You’re… you’re right.” He lets out a long sigh and stays silent for almost half a minute, almost pensive. “But you can always catch up with us if you’re done, okay?”

“Sure. I’d like that.”

“Take care while swimming, hyung. Remember to breathe.”

“Of course.” Hyunwoo chuckles. “Have fun, you and Hoseok.”

With slightly pressed lips, Kihyun looks back at Hyunwoo with a smile he’s never seen before. There’s a deep warmth, yet obvious uncertainty, as his eyes are cast down and directed at his shoes. “We will.”

And Hyunwoo watches Kihyun walk away without turning back. Not even one last reminder or affectionate ‘nag’. He’d like to think Kihyun just has a lot in his mind right now.

He dives into the pool after a few stretches - the coach’s possible fury be damned - burying his confusion on why Kihyun hasn’t greeted him with _See you later_ or at least looked at him before leaving.

 

 

 

 

 

It becomes inevitable that Hyunwoo doesn’t end up joining Kihyun and Hoseok for dinner anymore. One missed dinner becomes two, three, four, and the only time Hyunwoo has caught up with them after swimming practice has been when they ate in Jooheon’s favorite canteen just next to the campus. He can’t help it now that his regimen is completely different, that he has to adjust to his new trainer, that he has to allot more of his free time to doing schoolwork. He’s not blind to the fact that the time he’d spend eating dinner with Kihyun and Hoseok is better off for studying now. Sacrifices must be made, and it’s not like he doesn’t get to see them.

Kihyun still drops by the pool with Hoseok glued to his side and his camera case in tow, but Hyunwoo doesn’t expect to see them once he finishes his whole round of training. It’s weird not having Kihyun there to pull him up anymore, but Kihyun still making the effort to visit him is enough. Sometimes Hyunwoo would arrive in the pool area and find Kihyun already there. Sometimes he and Hoseok are both busying themselves with their own schoolwork or brainstorming for their project that Hyunwoo doesn't approach them anymore so they can focus. It’s still pretty amazing how Kihyun finds the place conducive to studying, or he’s probably just too used to doing it for years.

 

 

 

 

 

On his off days, Hyunwoo spends his time in the library or goes home to study, maybe jog around the area for half an hour if he feels the need to stretch before he can absorb anything from his notes. He’s getting used to being home alone again, considering how Hoseok’s presence is now latched on Kihyun’s side. Sometimes he falls asleep even before Hoseok arrives home, training day or not, and Hoseok leaves early in the morning too for Hyunwoo to ask how their night has been.

It’s lonelier than he thought, but it’s nothing too bad. They’re all getting busier as they've passed the mid-semester already.

That’s what he keeps telling himself for another week. And another.

Until slowly, Hyunwoo notices Kihyun’s absence every other day, and when Kihyun _does_ visit, he’d be gone before Hyunwoo even starts with his warm-ups.

Another week passes, and Kihyun finally stops showing up. All Hyunwoo’s left with are text messages and a nagging itch he dismisses as the feeling of unfamiliarity from being so accustomed to Kihyun’s presence.

He tries not to think about it as he lets himself loosen up in the water’s embrace.

 

 

 

 

 

Hyunwoo hasn’t caught a glimpse of Hoseok lately outside the weekends, and even then the younger man spends hours out. It almost feels like he doesn’t have a roommate anymore. He’s only reminded with the pitcher of fresh and natural orange juice that refills every day with the little sticky note saying ‘ _help yourself hyunwoo :D_ ’ in Hoseok’s neat scrawl.

 

 

 

 

 

Their texts get shorter and shorter until Kihyun stops messaging. Hyunwoo contemplates on sending a hi, knowing his friend is getting busier and busier.

 _Maybe tomorrow,_ he thinks, before submerging his head into the chlorinated water.

He doesn’t message, and so hasn’t Kihyun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you everyone who's still reading!!! i'm sorry for not updating sooner, i'm actually in med school now (and dying from quizzes so please bear with me)
> 
> anyway, really, thank you for sticking with this fic. honestly feel guilty for all the late updates, but this fic is close to its end and this may look like a filler chapter but it's also the fic's turning point. no extra spoilers though unless you hmu in twitter lmao. i truly appreciate everyone who still takes time to read this, even more so if you speak up about your feels!!! i know not a lot of people comment but this goes not just for this fic but for all fics - writers love constructive/positive feedback so if you guys can, please tell them directly! indirect flailing is flattering but idk, in my case it makes me wonder if the fic doesn't merit an actual comment. show appreciation to all your fave writers or fics okay, but please don't complain if a fic writer doesn't update because they also have real life to worry about. fics are free to consume and it can be hella taxing to write at times
> 
> tl;dr thank/motivate your faves and don't underestimate the care fic writers put when writing
> 
> also yeah, hyunwoo is dense in this fic. sorry to all the peeps out there expecting i'd be writing fluffy feelings realization here
> 
> i hope you all have a good day :')


	6. sink

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY #1103MINHYUKDAY EVERYONE! please support our boys to let them get their 5th win PLUS greet our special sunshine Minhyuk a happy birthday PLUS go stream Minhyuk's cover okay? okay.
> 
> this is a very long chapter, i literally slaved on it for 2 days, so i'm sorry if the flow is messy, but i hope you all appreciate that i tried my best ;-; also WARNING. THIS IS AN ANGSTY CHAPTER. bring tissues.
> 
> p.s. pls don't hate me :') also i'm very tired so my a/n is very half-assed, but my appreciation for everyone who reads this fic isn't. thank you guys so much for staying with this fic, i hope you guys stay for the last chapter too. when i get better sleep i'm gonna put an a/n at the end. but for now. yeah. have fun with the chapter guys. i know i did while i was writing this
> 
> p.p.s. my favorite song in the album is underwater and y'all know i'm surprised bc the song fits this fic. anyway carry on uwu

**sink**

 

~

 

_I don’t know if Fate is at play, but I digress. I’m thankful you are acquainted with my sons… and I would like to have you watch over them. You see, Son of the Seas, their emotions are tied to the heavens, and I wish not for your world to suffer if they sink in heavy sadness or despair._

_Of course, I shall interfere in case such an event occurs and goes out of hand, but it would be easier to, ah, as mortals say, prevent than cure. Don’t you think so too?_

 

* * *

 

His new trainer invites him out for a meal, “My treat,” he says, and it’d be impolite to refuse. After telling himself that he has spent enough days on dinners alone with his notes, he decides this is a good offer. Anyway, Hyunwoo likes the man, a tenured swimming coach who has been ‘seeking a genuine protégé’, because he’s not afraid to challenge Hyunwoo’s swimming technique. It’s a nice change of pace from the constant praises and all the smug, fully meant laughs of, “Psh, you could probably swim all the strokes with your eyes closed, Hyunwoo-ya,” from his upperclassman friends.  

(And he probably can, but he only jokes it back recently. “Finally keeping the humble pie in the fridge,” they add, but Hyunwoo’s only comfortable joking it now for… some reason.)

Because for the first time since elementary school, Hyunwoo gets reminded of the basics and instructed decisively on how to execute each stroke. It’s not like the team coach slacks off – in fact, he’s one of the most hardworking men Hyunwoo has ever met – but he’s well aware that he’s reached his limits in what he could teach someone of Hyunwoo’s skill. Even he says that, “There’s a reason someone else trains qualifiers for the Nationals,” but Hyunwoo knows that he’s the only one out of the qualifiers that is actually being trained so intensively. The coach and the trainer tag-team for the other qualifiers, with the coach taking the active role, while the trainer focuses more on Hyunwoo’s regimen. Thankfully, none of his co-qualifiers complain about Hyunwoo being the trainer’s main focus.

In fact, he does overhear some of his teammates say how they’re glad they aren’t in Hyunwoo’s shoes. (Or swimming trunks, to be more accurate.) Unlike the coach, the trainer’s collection of compliments seem to be dry as dust.

And Hyunwoo hasn’t received a compliment even until this very day, but he does receive words of expectation. “The gold medal or nothing. You are not built for second or third best on the podium.” That, Hyunwoo thinks, is close enough to words of flattery.

 

 

 

 

 

Of the two strokes Hyunwoo still trains for mastery over, it surprises him that he finds the breaststroke more difficult. Muscle memory challenges the leg movement of said stroke due to being so used to the flutter and dolphin kicks. Who knew the frog kick would be so hard? And Hyunwoo has thought he’d find breaststroke easier since his best stroke is supposedly, according to history, a variant of it. But the timing and coordination for the upper and lower limbs’ movements are so different from butterfly that Hyunwoo finally understands why his middle school swimming coach had told him to choose only one between the two strokes.

But the challenge thrills him. Lights a new flame inside him and adds a new goal for him to reach. Textbook ergonomics of the breaststroke pronounces it as the slowest stroke, and Hyunwoo wants to overcome this and establish a record time just as good as his front crawl, if not better. And apart from speed and the frog kick, there are other things he has to get used to, too, like adjusting his breaths again. Adding to the urgency is the fact that his trainer has keen eyes, and Hyunwoo doesn’t want to attract questions if the man notices his lack of gasps after frantic cycles of submersion and emersion.

Backstroke is another story, however, with how fast he’s adjusted. It really is just like the front crawl, plus the glare of the ceiling lights and the absent contact of water on his cheeks. He hasn’t expected to get the hang of the stroke as quickly as he did since his trainer had lectured him about the backstroke down to the fine details of body angles and phases of each movement. It feels a little too much at first, especially because being told _your hand must pull out of the water at a 45 degree angle_ just passes into one ear and leaves the other. Practice trumps technicalities almost every time for Hyunwoo, but amazingly, he sees the rationale behind knowing the numbers when he adjusts his movement to improve his backstroke speed.

He gets better as days pass, and he finds himself enjoying backstroke even more. It’s refreshing to be less mindful of his breaths for once, and the workout it gives for his back has even improved his endurance for training with other strokes. He also gets a little funny memory out of practice - it’s been years since the last time Hyunwoo has accidentally bumped his head against the edge of the pool because of the lack of awareness in approaching it. It rouses almost everyone’s attention and laughter, and he can’t help but join in. The bump hurts like hell, but little mistakes like these remind Hyunwoo he’s more human than god.

Heaven knows how much he’s been enjoying practice recently now, how he feels his focus up its ante with every drill, how his muscles feel the stretch of practice ingrain more power in his form. He ends up allocating more minutes to training as more days pass to keep up his progress and hype for his competition to come.

Yet… despite the satisfaction with his new routine, Hyunwoo can’t help but stare blankly at the empty space beside the starting block every time he’s called to wrap up training for the day.

He wonders how different practice would be if Kihyun still hangs around, especially now that Hyunwoo’s finally swimming his rarest stroke, the sight Kihyun has egged him on to try so many times before.

But wondering won’t take him anywhere, and he dismisses the thoughts to the back of his mind.

At least he’s being honest to himself, though – he’s still not used to pushing himself up the cold pool edge.

Or Kihyun’s absence.

 

 

 

 

 

“Hey, hyung!”

Hyunwoo quickly turns, the strap of his barrel bag almost slipping off his shoulder, as he spots Minhyuk jogging towards him while waving a hand wildly. It’s a little late for Minhyuk to still be on campus, but the younger man has his backpack in tow, and Hyunwoo realizes it’s a Wednesday. But even then, it’s half an hour past Minhyuk’s dismissal time.

Minhyuk starts panting once he reaches Hyunwoo, placing his hands on his bent knees as he tries to catch his breath. “Y-You’re here l-late.” He takes a deep breath. “Wow, I’m so out of shape.”

“You’re here late too,” Hyunwoo replies, pulling his bag strap up to a better position.

The younger man exaggeratedly gasps as he stretches back to a proper standing position, pushing his hands against the lumbar part of his back. “I had a meeting with my group mates for a video project.”

Hyunwoo chuckles. Video projects are always a sign of the semester’s nearing end, and Minhyuk being a communications major only entails he’s going to have more than one. “How ‘bout you, though? Isn’t your training supposed to end before 7? And where’s Kihyun?”

So, Minhyuk… doesn’t know. “We’ve been extending for a while,” he answers. “Uh, I’m going to compete in the individual medley-”

“Oh, I know that!” Minhyuk gleefully interrupts. “Jooheonnie told me last week, I think? Man, hyung, you really do work hard.” An exhale. “Doesn’t explain where Kihyun is, though.”

“I don’t really know,” Hyunwoo admits. “With Hoseok, most likely.”

“Ah, yeah, that food vlogging thing they have,” Minhyuk laughs, snapping his fingers. “Oh, oh, I’m gonna meet Hyungwon, you should come with. Won’t take no for an answer.” He adds a playful wink and Hyunwoo shakes his head. Of course Minhyuk won’t.

“I haven’t seen Hyungwon in a while, so I guess I should,” he says.

“Oh, so Hyungwon’s the dealbreaker, huh?” Minhyuk pouts, puffing his cheeks so childishly that Hyunwoo can’t help but hold back a laugh.

“I missed you too, Minhyuk-ah,” he affirms.

“You’re just saying that.” The younger man’s lower lip protrudes even more, making him look like a puppy that was trampled on.

“Well, if you don’t want me to-”

And just like that, Minhyuk tugs on Hyunwoo’s wrist and leads him to the campus entrance, huffing under his breath about how Hyunwoo’s sense of humor can sometimes be so ‘lowkey wry’, even though Hyunwoo’s sure his jokes are more good-natured and honest. He does miss Minhyuk and he’s tempted to add that he’s missed his younger friend’s sulky remarks too, but he doesn’t want to push his luck.

He’s brought to a nearby seafood restaurant, easily spotting Hyungwon through the glass window, then realizing that the money in his wallet can’t afford to pay for whatever meals the place has. As much as he’d like to catch up with them, Hyunwoo thinks of excusing himself because it’s pretty impractical for him to dine here. He’d either starve himself or his debit card, and the latter is only supposed to be used for emergencies. Dinner in a classier restaurant definitely doesn’t count as an emergency, let alone something he’d find his common sense to agree on.

It won’t hurt to stay for ten minutes or so, probably, to at least say hello to Hyungwon. His plan for dinner tonight is to buy something microwaveable from GS25 anyway, and the convenience store near his and Hoseok’s place won’t go anywhere.

The air of the restaurant overwhelms him the moment he steps in, cool and thick from air-conditioning mixed with the faint aromas of umami from freshly cooked crustaceans and mollusks. He places a hand above his grumbling abdomen, saddened by how enticed his senses are with just one glance and one inhale, but he keeps a straight face on as he follows Minhyuk to Hyungwon’s table.

“Hey, hey, Won-won,” Minhyuk greets, snatching Hyungwon’s attention away from the book he’s reading. _Entrepreneurship for Dummies_ , he spots, newly bought from the still-present price sticker on the spine, and there are a stack of books on the empty chair beside Hyungwon too with the topmost being _Beginner’s Guide to Floristry_. He places the book on his lap immediately at the sight of Hyunwoo and flashes a wide smile.

“Hey, you brought Hyunwoo hyung too,” he says.

“Well, we need some muscle to carry those books for you later,” Minhyuk smirks.

Both Hyunwoo and Hyungwon cross their arms at the same time. “Reminder that I carried these on my own on the way here,” Hyungwon huffs. “These aren’t that heavy.”

“But that’s a lot,” Hyunwoo replies, eyeing the cover of _Beginner’s Guide to Floristry_ again.

“You guys should sit down,” Hyungwon says with a small smile, arms falling back on the open pages of his book. “I have a lot to explain to you too.”

“Okay, but I’ll go ahead after ten minutes,” he answers, pulling the chair beside the wall before taking a seat.

Minhyuk’s brows quickly furrow. “Huh? Why?”

There’s no use in beating around the bush, Hyunwoo thinks, as he says, “I can’t afford food here.”

“Well, I can’t either,” Minhyuk shoots back. “This is all Won.”

“Don’t worry about the food, hyung. I’m paying,” Hyungwon adds as soon as Hyunwoo tries to interject. Just because Hyungwon’s still well-off financially doesn’t mean Hyunwoo’s okay with it, but Hyungwon seems adamant on pushing through in treating them. “I’ve been meaning to treat you for a while after helping me with Mom’s request and all.”

 _Request_. It’s odd to hear Hyungwon phrase it that way, but he remembers that she hasn’t truly left. And even with that, it doesn’t mean Hyungwon has completely recovered.

“Speaking of her-” Minhyuk laces his fingers together in a business-like fashion. “-what’s with all the books?”

Hyungwon glances at the books beside him and smiles sheepishly. “I’m gonna set up my own shop after I graduate.”

“Set up… your own…” Hyunwoo trails off, looking at Hyungwon, back at the books, and back at Hyungwon again.

“But you sold the flower shop, didn’t you?” Minhyuk says, and Hyunwoo feels thankful that the younger man easily vocalizes the same concern.

“Mom chose to sell it, and it’s not mine to claim,” Hyungwon replies, shutting the book in his hands and putting it with the rest.

“You could’ve asked for it as an inheritance,” Minhyuk adds, raising a brow. “Look, I’m not judging you, but I’m just confused?”

Hyungwon only nods. “I can tell, and yeah, I could’ve. I thought about it since Mom told me about what she has to do, and I really could’ve just kept the shop. She would give it to me – I know she wanted to give it to me, but I know I wouldn’t be able to look at the place when she leaves. We don’t have other people working there too, and I don’t know how to teach them or know how to be a boss, or even just an owner.” He pauses. Sighs. Takes a deep breath. “I didn’t even think I wanted to continue the business. Growing flowers was too… funny for me. I don’t understand why people love them so much, why they’d waste money to buy stuff you can grow yourself.”

“Uh, it’s hard to grow flowers?” Minhyuk interrupts with a scoff. “You just don’t appreciate it because you can do it at will.”

And Hyungwon chuckles, waving a hand in acknowledgement. “Yeah, yeah, I know. But hearing how Mom’s customers talked about why they keep coming back to the shop… I mean, they love Mom, and that hits me the most, but they also have a lot to say about flowers. I found it… cool? People put so much meaning on flower colors and flower species even though they’re just seeds that Mom allowed to survive because she thinks they’re the prettiest.”

Hyunwoo chuckles at that before taking a sip of water. The concept of “survival of the fittest” intertwined with the Forest Goddess’ aesthetic preferences.

“Why does the stinky flower still exist then?” Minhyuk says. “Rufflesee? Rafflesee?”

“You mean Rafflesia,” Hyungwon corrects. “I said prettiest, not most fragrant-smelling.”

“It looks ugly.”

“Tell that to my mother.”

Hyunwoo almost ends up coughing out water as he laughs, and the two follow in laughter with Minhyuk’s hysterical wheezes and Hyungwon’s high-pitched, almost soundless titters.

“You’d better not sell those when you open shop,” Minhyuk says when he finally catches his breath. Hyungwon ends up laughing even more until he buries his face in his hands. “Still, I don’t think you’d jump the gun because you found their appreciation ‘cool’.”

They wait for Hyungwon’s breaths to get steadier, his grin slowly subsiding into a woozy smile. Seeing Hyungwon with more color on his cheeks is definitely worth Hyunwoo’s embarrassing moment, and Hyunwoo’s glad his younger friend looks genuinely happier. “You’re right,” he begins, and his beam turns wistful. “I just… thought of owning a flower shop another chance. Before, I thought I wouldn’t because it’d remind me so much of Mom, and it does, but that doesn’t stop me from missing what I used to do. I miss making flowers bloom in different colors and keeping succulents tiny, seeing people happy because of something I’ve made even though I still don’t know how to make flowers grow perfectly. And I want to make this shop work through my efforts, not because of my mom’s name.”

Minhyuk lets out a breath and grins proudly at Hyungwon. Hyunwoo can’t help but do the same too – Hyungwon is amazing in what he does, and to see him acknowledge and wish to use his abilities for a pleasant livelihood stirs a warm feeling in Hyunwoo. Really, out of the four of them, Hyungwon probably is the only one who will get to use his abilities to spread joy through his creations and works. Hyunwoo actively chooses to constrain his own abilities when swimming, and both Hoseok and Minhyuk can only do so much with theirs, especially with their emotions being tied to the gifts they have. And even then, no mortal eye will ever truly appreciate the impact of how they adjust the cloud’s positions or make stars twinkle a little brighter.

“You’re gonna do great, Wonnie, I just know it,” Minhyuk cheers, placing a hand over the younger boy’s own.

Hyungwon laughs. “I hope so. I still can’t make flowers grow into the same size.”

“But that’s natural,” Hyunwoo pitches in.

Minhyuk nods. “Yeah, and hey, the fun part of being a florist is picking out flowers for your customers. If everything’s perfect, then that’s just boring.”

Hyungwon laughs softly. “Yeah… variety is nice. You’re right.”

“Of course I am,” Minhyuk grins, puffing his chest out proudly. “By the way, have you ordered anything already?”

“Two shrimp cocktail platters and a crab platter. That’s enough for us, I think? I can add more if you want anything else.”

“Two? Two shrimp cocktail platters?” Minhyuk squawks, scandalized, and even Hyunwoo doesn’t know what else to say. He can’t imagine the three of them downing that many shrimp.

“What? I’m not allergic,” Hyungwon says.

Minhyuk rolls his eyes. “You might become allergic if you eat that much.”

“That’s not how allergies work, I’ll tell Changkyun you’re being an idiot and have him lecture you on them,” Hyungwon retorts. “And I’m planning for takeout anyway, so it’s fine if we don’t finish everything.”

“That makes more sense,” Hyunwoo says. He spots Minhyuk sighing in relief beside him.

“Well, I guess Kihyun would really like shrimps too.”

Hyungwon blinks at Minhyuk for a few seconds. “I-uh, I’ve just been staying in my house, but I could bring some shrimp for him.”

“Huh, this is news to me,” Minhyuk says. Hyunwoo’s surprised to hear this too; he’s thought that Hyungwon would only stay in his house for only a week after the funeral, and Kihyun hasn’t mentioned this either.

 _Kihyun_. But of course Kihyun won’t mention anything, since they haven’t talked for a while.

“I thought Kihyun would tell you?” Hyungwon sounds sincerely surprised as well.

“Nah, he’s been busy lately. Only time I got to talk to him was when he asked me what time Changkyun’s shifts were, ‘cause he wanted to ask my cutiepie boyfriend to teach him how to video edit after his work hours,” Minhyuk explains. He turns to Hyunwoo and pouts playfully. “Yo, hyung, please steal Kihyun back. I don’t like how he’s hogging my boyfriend more than I do.”

“Steal him back? What does that even mean?” Hyungwon chuckles, shaking his head. But his soft laugh quickly fades and his eyes widen. Hyunwoo can pinpoint the exact moment Hyungwon finally has the same realization as Minhyuk has earlier. “Wait. Now that I think about it… doesn’t Kihyun always wait for you to finish swimming, hyung? Where is he?”

He doesn’t know why, but the question is making his chest squeeze uncomfortably again. “Most likely with Hoseok. They have a project,” he answers, trying to keep his tone steady. There’s a reason why he’s thought to say that carefully, but Hyunwoo can’t – doesn’t! – understand why at all.

Hyungwon’s eyes get wider as he nods slowly. “Okay, okay. I kinda remember him saying something about a project the week Mom left, but I was too... preoccupied to listen,” the younger boy admits, bowing his head a little. “So that explains why Hoseok hyung slept over the other day when I visited.”

Slept over?

“What? Slept over?” Minhyuk repeats. Hyunwoo tries to focus instead on how Minhyuk’s suddenly the voicing out everything he thinks with a stronger intonation. He tries to focus on how Minhyuk is unaware of things as much as he is, even though Kihyun’s clearly close to both of them. He tries to focus on Minhyuk and Hyungwon discussing the sudden change in Kihyun’s routine.

He tries to focus on Minhyuk and Hyungwon’s presence and just them. Not the fact that they’re talking about Kihyun, Kihyun and Hoseok, Kihyun being absent from their life, Kihyun being absent from Hyunwoo’s swimming practice, Kihyun not telling them anything at all.

And he’s failing.

Hyunwoo feels lost and confused and so, so scared deep inside that Kihyun’s absence feels so unusual and befuddling and painful and–

Painful.

There’s a strange lightness in him now that he admits it to himself. Kihyun’s absence is painful.

And the lightness vanishes, because Hyunwoo doesn’t know why it hurts. It shouldn’t, but it does.

 

 

 

 

 

_Right arm. Left arm. One. Right arm. Left arm. Two._

Hyunwoo keeps the mantra on loop as he keeps his eyes up, trained on nothing except the blur of the ceiling as he brushes forward with every push and kick of his limbs. He keeps count of the strokes he’s made so far. His breath is steady, mildly labored from exerting more effort with his muscles and making sure his form won’t falter, and facing the open air makes it easier to relax. His trainer says his time is improving for backstroke. If his skill and form are satisfactory enough, he’s set to have more time alloted to practicing breaststroke.

He reaches five, six, seven strokes and quickly flips laterally, his face and trunk meeting and sinking through the film of the water surface. _Right arm, left arm_ , one front crawl stroke, and he curls his body in, rolling forward, his legs extending until he feels the pool wall present near his feet. With his back facing against the pool floor and his thighs flexed close to his abdomen, he pushes against the pool wall with all his might.

He repeats the mantra, the form, the movements on his way back.

And Hyunwoo emerges with cheers around him - _a new record_ , they say. One minute and ten seconds flat. Faster than their resident backstroke qualifier for the Nationals. He beams at everyone above ground, humbled by his friends chanting, “We have a champion here!” with all their glee and pride, but his chest still sinks at the empty space beside the starting block.

Kihyun’s always been around for his accomplishments, no matter how big or small, and even during his failures. He always greets Hyunwoo with that familiar smile still stuck in his head despite the length of time he hasn’t seen Kihyun at all.

He wonders how Kihyun would feel if he’s here. Would Kihyun be proud of him too?

 

 

 

 

 

 

He thinks of texting Kihyun again. About how his rare stroke being not-so-rare anymore, and his trainer giving him a compliment for the first time about his mastery.

The message gets typed, then deleted. Maybe soon he’ll see Kihyun again, and this is something better told personally. It’s been weeks since he and Hoseok have started the project, so surely they’re close to finishing?

He wants to ask, but his chest thrums with discomfort again. Maybe… maybe he should just wait.

Kihyun always comes back anyway.

 

 

 

 

 

At 6:56 PM, Hyunwoo emerges from the pool water and almost stumbles backwards.

The space beside his starting block isn’t empty.

“We heard that balding guy you’re done, so we came over,” Minhyuk says, smiling widely at Hyunwoo, and he keeps to himself that Minhyuk’s grin is almost as bright as the ceiling lights above. Hyungwon, behind him, looks warily around them.

“Is it really okay to walk over here?” Hyungwon hisses. Ah, Hyunwoo remembers that Hyungwon has never set foot in the university pool area during training hours.

Minhyuk rolls his eyes and pats Hyungwon on the head. “Can’t believe you’re a scaredy cat today. Duh, Kihyun’s been doing this for years.”

Hyunwoo tries not to flinch on hearing the name.

Right on cue, Hyunwoo’s trainer suddenly trots towards the duo with crossed arms and narrowed eyes, and Hyunwoo fails to warn them with how loud the man speaks, “And who are you two?”

Minhyuk immediately flinches and turns to face the man while Hyungwon speedruns to the bleachers without hesitation. Hyunwoo hears his other teammates snicker as silently as they can (to no avail), and Hyungwon’s smart enough to know he’s done something so embarrassing that he leaves for the toilet. Just the sight of it makes Minhyuk slap his palm on his forehead and Hyunwoo suddenly feels the need to submerge again.

But he doesn’t, instead answering, “They’re my friends, Sir.” Then with a brief glance at Minhyuk, he humoredly adds, “Uh, friend.”

“Hyunwoo’s closest friends aren’t on the team, bud,” comes another voice, and Hyunwoo turns to see the team coach wrap an arm around his trainer’s shoulder. “They like watching him train too.”

“I can’t blame them,” his trainer answers with a smirk. “Kid’s prowess is unique.”

Hyunwoo can spot Minhyuk mouthing, “He complimented you,” and he smiles back. Even though Minhyuk doesn’t like swimming or water, he still does pay attention to Hyunwoo’s stories after actively asking about his training sessions.

“And there’s this one kid who always pulls him up. Kihyung, was it?” the coach asked.

“Kihyun,” Minhyuk corrects, and a smile makes its way to the coach’s face.

“Yeah, that kid. I used to tell him off for going near the pool, but he never listens. I just let him go because all he does is pull Hyunwoo up anyway. It’s almost like a ritual.”

Hyunwoo won’t really put it that way. Ritual sounds odd; routine is something more pleasing to the ears.

“Speaking of, he hasn’t been around for a while, has he?” His coach stares at him, evidently curious. “You guys alright?”

“He’s just busy, coach,” Hyunwoo answers, pulling his goggles and swimming cap off. It feels uncomfortable knowing the man has noticed it too. And even worse, Hyunwoo doesn’t know if they are actually alright or not.

He takes Minhyuk’s outstretched hand and his heart aches a little. The touch is warm, a perfect contrast to the pool’s cold, but it’s not Kihyun’s. The thin fingertip calluses from attempts to play the guitar during high school are gone, replaced by a tighter grip and bonier knuckles. “Up you go,” he hears Minhyuk grunt in a raspy whisper.

“Good job for today, Hyunwoo. Have a good meal with your friends,” the coach finally says, giving Hyunwoo one soundly pat on the back before walking away. His trainer simply bows his head, and Hyunwoo mirrors it before he and Minhyuk walk to the bleachers.

“I don’t know what’s worse, hyung,” Minhyuk begins. “The fact that I almost slipped into the pool because your Couch Number Two decided to jumpscare us, or the fact that Hyungwon decided to be embarrassing here. Wait, scratch that. It’s Hyungwon’s reflex to always be embarrassing.”

“Props to him for trying to walk it off," Hyunwoo says. “I’ll shower and change first, okay? You guys can go ahead.”

“No, no, we’ll wait. We’re gonna have dinner together. But first, I gotta pick Won up from the toilet now.” With a salute, Minhyuk scurries off to the opposite direction of the locker room.

After showering briefly and putting on a pair of sweatpants and a plain white shirt, Hyunwoo prepares his bag and leaves the locker room, surprised that Minhyuk and Hyungwon are nowhere in sight. Thankfully he checks his phone, and there’s a message from Minhyuk explaining that _wonwons 2 embarssd 2 b seen lol we outside!!!_ He finds them sitting at the bench at the side of the building, with Hyungwon bearing with Minhyuk’s ridiculous chortles.

“I’m never visiting this place ever again,” Hyunwoo hears Hyungwon declare.

“What if Jooheon does?”

“Shut up.”

“He doesn’t visit often,” Hyunwoo says, catching their attention. “You would know, Hyungwon. His schedule, I mean.”

“Y-Yeah,” Hyungwon admits abashedly, scratching the back of his head. “We should go now, I’m starving.”

“And since it’s my choice this time, we’re going to my favorite and _affordable_ place,” Minhyuk says as he stands up, lending a hand to Hyungwon to help the other boy up as well. “Changkyunnie’s busy tonight so he’s not joining us, but it’s fine since we’re going on a date tomorrow.”

“We didn’t ask, Min,” Hyungwon dryly says.

“Oh, just ‘cause you’re still too chicken to tell Jooheon you like him,” Minhyuk scoffs back. Hyungwon shoots him a look, and Minhyuk slaps the thinner boy’s arms. Hyunwoo winces as Hyungwon yelps in agony. “Don’t look at me like that! I can’t make Jooheon spill who he’s crushing on, so you have to do the work yourself.”

“You didn’t have to hit me, though!” Hyungwon seethes, rubbing his arm while pouting. “Look, I’m trying to think how to ask him out.”

“He likes the arcade,” Minhyuk suggests with a smile. “Or, y’know, you can bring your Nintendo Switch over.”

“You’d just hog it from us. Don’t even try to deny it.”

Hyunwoo can’t help but laugh. “How about billiards, then?” he says, aware of Hyungwon’s lesser known hobbies.

“Oh, oh, that works! Or like, baseball,” Minhyuk says.

They continue to spend their walk suggesting date ideas for Hyungwon. It’s pretty amusing to see him get all flustered, but at the same time excited to take Jooheon out on a friendly date, which he hopes to build up into a romantic one eventually. Hyunwoo’s honestly not sure about his chances, considering that Minhyuk has a point - Jooheon’s very open with his emotions and opinions, yet they can’t figure out if he’s interested in anyone at the moment. Sure, they know he’s less of a cynic and more of a romantic, and he’s always supportive of Minhyuk whenever he gushes on how much he adores Changkyun to no end, but that might just be him being a good friend.

“Dinner in that fancy seafood restaurant,” is probably Minhyuk’s fourteenth suggestion, and Hyungwon looks like he’s contemplating it.

“So… I take him window shopping in the mall, then we go have lunch, watch a movie, then have dinner,” Hyungwon says with a smile. “Now I just gotta think what movie.”

“Horror.”

“Min!”

“I think that’s a good idea.”

“Hyung!”

The two older boys laugh in unison as Minhyuk pushes the restaurant door open, and the smell of fast food burgers and fries greet them together with the place’s warm air. It’s not as crowded as Hyunwoo has expected it to be, considering the hour, but he’s not complaining. After making their orders, Minhyuk volunteers to hold the queue number while Hyunwoo and Hyungwon go search for a table. They both decide to settle upstairs since the tables of the present floor still have trays and trash on them.

To their surprise, only one table is taken, with both Kihyun and Hoseok seated together.

Hyunwoo doesn’t realize he’s tense until Hyungwon taps him on the shoulder. “Good timing,” Hyungwon says with a smile before approaching the two. But it takes Hyunwoo time to process that Kihyun’s right there again, smiling up at Hyungwon, while his hands are placed underneath Hoseok’s.

He doesn’t know if it’s the effect of swimming too much when he becomes aware that he can’t hear anything but hazy murmurs and indistinct strings of words from downstairs and here, and he doesn’t understand what Hyungwon is saying as the younger man points directly at him or what Kihyun says when he follows Hyungwon’s pointer finger and spots Hyunwoo standing feet away from him.

Kihyun quickly pulls his hands away from below Hoseok’s, while Hoseok’s still saying something to Hyungwon to even notice. And Hyunwoo still can’t decipher anything he hears, but it doesn’t matter when all he sees is Kihyun’s face slowly light up as their gaze lock on each other again.

God.

It feels like he’s looking at a ghost.

“Hey, Hyunwoo!” is the first thing he hears, and he sees Hoseok sitting across Kihyun and waving at him so gleefully. Just one look at Hoseok and Hyunwoo knows it’s been a while since they have really last seen each other - the younger man’s hair is slightly longer and his face looks fuller, probably from all the eating he and Kihyun have done for the past weeks.

“We were about to leave but good thing you guys showed up,” Hoseok smiles. “Long time no see, Hyungwon.”

“Same to you,” Hyungwon chuckles. “I did see you the other day, though. You slept over.”

“What?” Kihyun asks, and Hyunwoo tenses up again. It’s so… surreal to hear his voice again. “I haven’t seen you in the flat at all, Hyungwon-ah.”

Hyungwon shrugs and slinks next to Kihyun, and Hyunwoo takes it as the cue to sit next to Hoseok. “It was almost midnight, I think? Saw you two sleeping in the living room.”

“Midnight? We’re lucky you weren’t a burglar then,” Hoseok laughs.

“You should tell me when you visit next time,” Kihyun goes, pressing his lips together. Hyunwoo can recognize the worry behind the nag.

“I didn’t expect to visit,” Hyungwon replies nonchalantly, trying to ease Kihyun with a tiny smile. “I promise I’ll tell you next time, okay?”

“You’d better,” Kihyun huffs. One corner of his lip pulls to the side as he shakes his head.

“Won’s just as busy as us, Ki,” Hoseok tries, looking apologetically at Hyungwon. Hyunwoo turns to Kihyun and can see the disappointment in his eyes. It makes him wonder if something else has happened between the two of them, but Hyungwon won’t be this calm if he knows he has actively bothered Kihyun.

Hyungwon does notice and he raises his arm warily, probably to put it around Kihyun’s shoulders, but drops it again as Kihyun turns to face him. “I’m-I’m sorry, Kihyun. I still have a lot to do at home.”

“I know,” Kihyun answers, but Hyunwoo can still sense the edge in his voice and how much Kihyun’s trying to hold back. He sighs, feeling the atmosphere’s shift to tension turn from gradual to a quick drop.

He feels Hoseok shuffle beside him. “So, uh, how have you been, Hyunwoo?” the younger man asks, voice shaky. At least he’s trying to lighten the mood around them, and Hyunwoo isn’t a big fan of what’s happening either.

“I’m good,” he says. “Um, thanks for the daily orange juice.”

They look at each other straight in the eyes, and Hoseok looks ready to say something but he falters. Instead he takes his phone out and starts typing; after a few seconds, Hyunwoo feels a vibration in his pants pocket.

 

_sorry we havent seen each other much_

_i would say it personally but…_

 

And Hyunwoo nods. Hoseok doesn’t add any more messages.

It gets even more awkward when they hear Minhyuk’s voice singing upbeat lyrics from the stairway, his footsteps getting louder until he reaches their floor. “Ugh, I texted you to help me, Won,” Minhyuk sighs, and his eyes widen upon seeing Kihyun and Hoseok. “Oh my gosh, it’s you guys!”

He places the tray of burgers and fries on the table and runs over to the other side of the table, pressing his cheek against Hoseok’s as he engulfs the older man in a hug. “Hoseokkie! Missed you.”

“Missed you too,” Hoseok replies with a grin, squeezing Minhyuk’s upper arm lightly.

“And you,” Minhyuk begins, pulling away from Hoseok, but his smile drops a second after looking at Kihyun. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Kihyun answers, slinging his bag over his shoulder. “Hoseok hyung and I have to go.”

They all turn at Hoseok, who slowly nods and pulls up his own bag too. “Maybe we can catch up with you guys next time? We’re still busy editing and adding more stuff for our project,” Hoseok says.

“Thank Changkyun again for me, Min,” Kihyun says with a weak smile. “Treat him with something nice.”

“Well, I always do that, but sure,” Minhyuk answers, slowly sitting down where Kihyun has been sitting. “Take care, you guys.”

“See you,” is the reliable response from Hoseok, paired with a little beam and matching wave, while Kihyun nods and turns immediately. Hyunwoo doesn’t fail to notice Kihyun smile fondly at Hoseok before they finally leave the floor.

Their table falls into silence for a minute until Minhyuk says, “Awkward,” in a singsong tone. “What the hell happened?”

Hyungwon shakes his head and grabs a burger to unwrap. “Kihyun’s just pissed at me, is all.”

That only makes Minhyuk frown. “Let me guess, it’s because you haven’t been staying in your flat?” Hyungwon response with silence as he bites his burger, and Minhyuk shakes his head. “Look, I know it’s hard to explain to Kihyun why you’re so busy, but just try to tell him when you’ll come back. He hates being uninformed.”

“But that’s the thing,” Hyungwon says, voice slightly muffled from the bits of bread inside his mouth. “I don’t know when I’ll come back. I know I’ve met Mom in her realm already, but I still have to deal with what she left behind. Sorting out the stuff I can sell, dealing with bank stuff, business stuff, it’s overwhelming me. And Kihyun… he’s going to try and help, but I don’t know how to tell him that I’d rather deal with this alone without hurting him.”

“Not telling him that is hurting him more,” Hyunwoo says, breaking his own silence. He’s seen the frustration in Kihyun’s eyes and heard it in the younger man’s voice as well. And knowing him, he doesn’t want to feel this way towards Hyungwon either.

“Hyung’s right. Just try to sort this out with Kihyun as soon as possible, okay?” Minhyuk says, finally unwrapping his own burger too. “He’ll be difficult, but he’ll listen. Take it from my experience. Oh, and don’t sugarcoat, he’ll get even more annoyed if you do.”

 _Take it from my experience_ , and Hyunwoo thinks back on the untold fight they had that Hoseok accidentally let slip. It only dawns on him now that serious conflicts with Kihyun are rare, and it’s troubling to know that he’s seeing one in the flesh. Is this how Hoseok has felt before?

“I know,” Hyungwon says with a sad expression. “I don’t mean to hurt Kihyun, but I’m bothered he’s not being all open either.”

Minhyuk’s brows knit together. “...yeah, you’re right.”

“I understand the group chat is dead because we’re all busy, but I really don’t understand why Hyunwoo hyung’s out of the loop with him.”

Hyunwoo feels his chest sink. They’ve noticed. Kihyun’s presence by his side has been a staple for every single one of them, and it’s almost as if his absence has tipped the scales, playing with the balance in their friendships.

“He didn’t even say hi to hyung earlier,” Hyungwon adds, almost… scornfully. “And I don’t think hyung has done anything wrong.”

“Yeah. He hasn’t,” Minhyuk says. His gaze at Hyunwoo looks pensive, apologetic, but Hyunwoo can’t focus on what Minhyuk’s trying to say with that single look.

 

 

 

 

The next time he encounters Kihyun is by accident again. A literal accident, as they both fall on the ground after bumping each other while turning on the same corner in opposing directions. It scares Hyunwoo when he realizes it’s Kihyun, especially because he’s holding his camera, and sure enough Kihyun looks furious as his gaze moves from the ground and slowly up.

“Watch where you’re going, you f-”

His growl cuts short and his breath hitches. Kihyun’s mouth immediately shuts and his cheeks turn visibly red, his grip on his camera bag loosening. “Hyung.”

“Kihyun-ah.” It comes out like a soft breath, a familiar name that lingers in his thoughts daily yet feels so foreign to say lately.

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry.”

They stare at each other, and the tips of Kihyun’s ears are scarlet. “I should be sorrier,” he says with a sheepish smile. “I almost yelled at you.”

“Almost cussed at me, you mean?” Hyunwoo says in hopes to lighten the mood. It works, and Kihyun’s awkward breathy laugh fills his ears. “I think I deserve it, though. I wasn’t looking, sorry.”

But Kihyun smiles reassuringly, a sight Hyunwoo hasn’t seen in a while, that his heart thumps a little more forcefully in his chest. “I wasn’t going to cuss. And your monstrous height is to blame, not you,” Kihyun grins, laughing softly.

“My height is part of who I am, Ki.”

It feels odd, Hyunwoo thinks, for them to laugh together like this after not seeing each other for a while. It’s not the same like two years ago, where literal distance separates them from seeing each other. Maybe it’s from the confusion that has lingered in Hyunwoo from Kihyun’s absence, or maybe it’s because Hyunwoo still isn’t sure if Kihyun’s mad at him or not. But Kihyun laughing here with him at this moment seems to drown all those worries, especially because of how Kihyun’s smile brings him ease.

“So… you and Hoseok have to take more videos?” Hyunwoo finally says, and Kihyun’s soft laughs fade into the atmospheric chatter as he rubs his nose a little.

Kihyun looks down at his camera case with pressed lips. “No, I’m just going to take some pictures for another article,” he answers, looking up at Hyunwoo. “We’ve finished the video since last week, though we have to make a written output too.”

“Oh, okay. That’s good to hear.”

“Yeah.”

“You’re going to show us the video, right?”

“Of course, hyung,” Kihyun smiles widely. “I think I did a good job on it.”

“Minhyuk said Changkyun taught you."

“And Changkyun is a prodigy,” Kihyun continues. “If it wasn’t for him, I think Hoseok hyung and I would’ve taken longer.

“That’s good to hear,” he says. He takes a deep breath. The small talk is nice, but Hyunwoo still feels a pang of ache. “Um… Ki. I-uh, I’m sorry. I haven’t messaged you in a while.”

Kihyun stays still for a moment, lips bearing an unreadable message and his gaze pouring on Hyunwoo. And it makes his heart beat faster from nervousness, because Kihyun’s silence is often unfathomable, and Hyunwoo can’t help but feel like a fool if his words fail to call an answer from the younger boy. But slowly, _slowly_ , Kihyun’s eyebrows furrow slightly and his lips curl up, his cheeks rising and little crinkles forming at the corners of his eyes.

“Hyung, I… it’s okay. I’m sorry too,” he says in a whisper, eyes locked with Hyunwoo’s own. The afternoon sun brings out the hazelnut brown of Kihyun’s irises and brightens his reflection on the younger man’s eyes. “We should catch up eventually, I have so many things to tell you.”

“I do too,” Hyunwoo says. Hearing Kihyun say that brings a wave of relief crashing against his piled fears.

“And I’m… sorry for last week too,” Kihyun adds, rubbing the nape of his neck. “I’m going to sort things out with Hyungwon, but I need time to think.”

Hyunwoo nods. “You really should.”

The wind blows between them, and the silence seems to taunt the growing ache in Hyunwoo’s chest. He feels more words pleading to spill suddenly bubble up in his throat. There’s still a lot more to say, a lot of questions he’d like to ask, but at the same time Hyunwoo isn’t sure what those questions are. And there’s one big thought he knows he wishes to say, but he can’t seem to find the words for it. It’s a strong feeling he’s had for a while, the source of his true ache and his doubts, but he doesn’t know what to say about it or how to say it, let alone how to act upon something he doesn’t know.

Times like these makes him wish he’s more like Minhyuk, eloquent and fearless in speaking his mind with a will to describe things until they make sense to him. Hyunwoo knows he’s good in keeping his words brief and concise, but it’s different with Kihyun - he’s afraid to disappoint and to cross a line he may not know he’s treading on.

But damn it all, Hyunwoo just wants to understand what he’s feeling now that he’s with Kihyun, the fixed point of the younger man’s gaze and smile that he so missed seeing-

_Missed._

A familiar chime shatters the silence between them, and Kihyun rummages his pocket for his phone. He smiles immediately after seeing what Hyunwoo assumes is a text message, and Kihyun looks back at him, absolutely beaming.

He’s missed seeing Kihyun’s smile.

“I have to go now, hyung. Hoseok hyung’s waiting,” Kihyun says, slowly walking past Hyunwoo. “I’ll see you soon?”

Hyunwoo musters what strength he has to wave and smile back. “See you."

He watches Kihyun slowly turn away from him, jogging towards the building across where he stands, and the ache returns and bleeds down from his chest to the pit of his gut.

He misses Kihyun’s smile already.

_Deep breath. Long exhale._

He’s missed Kihyun since all those weeks ago. Pieces of his thoughts make more sense, yet Hyunwoo still can’t find complete clarity with the new questions that stir in his mind. What makes him miss Kihyun so differently from their first separation two years ago? Why does missing Kihyun… hurt?

From the distance, he spots Hoseok’s figure go down the steps of the building Kihyun’s walking to, and Kihyun jogs with more spry in his steps once Hoseok finally waves at him. Hyunwoo only turns away when he sees Hoseok throw his arm around Kihyun’s shoulder and Kihyun leans against him so comfortably, but the clutching in his chest doesn’t leave.

Hopefully, a good swim will fix it.

 

 

 

 

 

Rainy mornings and afternoons are scarce during the summer unless Hoseok has something to do with it. More often than not, Hoseok only calls for rain in “emergency situations” like that time with his exam, or when his emotions fail to be kept in check. Back in the day, Hoseok often wishes he’s been given the domain of night instead, because most people don’t bother about the rain as long as they’re already at home.

It’s been impulse for him to cause rains for the longest time, and it’s Minhyuk who has helped him control it.

Today, however, Minhyuk is questioning how helpful he truly has been. _ITS RAINING AGAIN,_ he messages for three days straight in their group chat, obviously trying to make Hoseok make the days sunny again. Thankfully, Minhyuk’s little complaint has brought their group chat back to life, and Hyunwoo enjoys seeing their interactions tie in perfectly with the way they’ve left it weeks ago. It seems like Hyungwon and Kihyun are in good terms already with the way they joke around with Minhyuk and Jooheon, and Changkyun seems less stressed with how much more he’s messaging now. Hoseok’s back to picking on everyone, especially Changkyun, and Hyunwoo is back to reading and occasionally sending an emoji.

The rain continues for another day, and Minhyuk sends another _ITS RAINING AGAIN!!!_ Jooheon and Hyungwon don’t really have strong feelings about the weather as long as their shoes don’t end up completely soggy, while Minhyuk is still adamant on having Hoseok stop the rain. Changkyun comments how he actually likes the weather and is planning to dance under it like he used to as a kid, and Kihyun starts telling the youngest boy that he likes the rain just as much but doesn’t plan to get himself sick.

Hyunwoo, like Jooheon and Hyungwon, doesn’t really mind it. Sure, he has to bring an umbrella and the only one he owns isn’t the compact foldable kind, but that’s a minor detail over the weather’s nice quirks. He likes the cooler breeze and the ambience the rain brings. It’s calming to the senses, especially when indoors, and sometimes he can’t help but daydream while he watches raindrops tumble and trace paths on a glass window.

But if there’s anyone who loves the rain, it has to be Kihyun. Hyunwoo laughs as he remembers how Kihyun has told off Changkyun on chat, when he himself used to dance under the rain back when they were still in elementary school. Him and Kihyun, in fact. Before they’ve discovered the river they used to swim in, Hyunwoo and Kihyun would fool around on rainy days instead, and each time they do so lands them absent marks in their report cards and thermometers under their tongues. They both get scolded too, Kihyun more harshly than Hyunwoo, but sharing their tales with each other back then seems to lessen the tears from what painful things their parents had said.

It still makes Hyunwoo curious, though, on why Hoseok’s making it rain more than usual. They still don’t encounter each other during mornings for him to be able to ask personally, making Hyunwoo wonder if Hoseok’s been sleeping over more at Kihyun’s now, but he tries not to think too much on it. He keeps reminding himself that Kihyun has said they still have a written output to make, and Hyunwoo keeps himself from the skeptical thoughts that they can write without being together all the time.

And surely, his curiosity gets supplemented during one of Hyunwoo’s morning walks to school when he spots Kihyun in the cafe just outside campus, donning earphones and staring at the view of pouring rain with a dreamy smile. Across him sits Hoseok, and Hyunwoo can make out how animated he seems while he talks, and Hyunwoo can only imagine hearing the laughs they share and the delight in Kihyun’s tone. The younger man’s bright smile doesn’t wane the entire time, and Hyunwoo only realizes he’s been staring for almost five minutes when he overhears a middle-aged man mumble he’s being a waste of space in the sidewalk.

The comment only stings his anguished thoughts further, and Hyunwoo takes slow, deep breaths in hopes to calm down.

_Missing Kihyun shouldn’t hurt this much._

 

 

 

 

 

Next Wednesday’s rain only gets worse, and Hyunwoo wakes up half an hour past Hoseok’s first class. He drags his feet on the tiled floor of the bathroom, the ache of his back muscles contributing to his irritation that the loud pitter patters against the air conditioner and windows have well-established. He ought to side with Minhyuk next time in telling Hoseok off for the rain, but their group chat seems untouched despite everyone being online, minus Changkyun.

And he almost does when he spots Hoseok sitting on a bench near the school fountain with an umbrella over his head, making the rain outline a dry spot in the area he’s in. But he looks troubled, genuinely, that Hyunwoo’s annoyance gets replaced by worry. Maybe it’s why Minhyuk hasn’t sent his signature anti-rain message in their group chat too.

He almost approaches Hoseok but immediately gets tackled by several of his classmates, and Hyunwoo gives the younger man one last glance before moving with his friends up the building’s flight of steps.

Leaving Hoseok alone makes him feel guilty, still, and Hyunwoo can still see Hoseok clearly from the window he’s sitting next to in the classroom.

 

_hey_

_i can see you from the window_

_you ok?_

 

_just a lot on my mind_

_don’t mind me hyunwoo_

_i’ll be ok :)_

 

But Hyunwoo still can’t help it, and he glances at Hoseok from time to time, only to feel his heart sink when he sees a familiar Gudetama-designed umbrella from the distance run towards him. He can’t tear his eyes away, and luckily he’s seated at the back of the room, since Kihyun and Hoseok seem to both be talking about something so urgent, and Hyunwoo can’t tell if Hoseok’s on the brink of tears with the way his umbrella starts to shake.

His own hands shake when Kihyun closes his own umbrella and walks underneath Hoseok’s, then wrapping his arms around the other man in a hug.

The ache now feels like a thorn piercing his lungs, like needles prickling over his heart, and Hyunwoo wishes time moves faster so he can swim and forget.

 

 

 

 

 

_Arms circle in. Arms push out. Outsweep. Insweep. Breathe. Circle in. Push out. Outsweep-_

His fingertips brush against the pool wall, and Hyunwoo pushes his body forward, throwing his head above the water and gasps for air. The space behind the starting block is empty, and Hyunwoo lets out a sharp exhale.

“Good time today,” he hears his trainer’s voice from the side, and Hyunwoo leans against the pool divider while steadying his breaths. He only manages a weak smile and a nod, and his trainer walks closer to his area. “The coach and I are going to have a short meeting, maybe eight to ten minutes tops. You can take a break if you like or you can just keep swimming.”

“I’ll swim,” Hyunwoo replies. The water’s presence is calming, and he does want a break from breaststroke.

He watches his trainer walk away before scanning the pool area, seeing his teammates practice the basics or share tips on swimming. There’s Hyungwon by the bleachers, surprisingly, reading a book with complete focus, and Hyunwoo also spots Minhyuk’s bag beside him.

He turns back to the pool and fixes his form, kicking against the wall before performing the front crawl, drowning out every sound with the rippling water. _Everything’s going to be okay,_  he thinks, and he turns his head to inhale. He’ll finish swimming practice later, have dinner with Minhyuk and Hyungwon, and go home to sleep. _It’s a nice routine now_ , he thinks, and Minhyuk and Hyungwon’s presence make it enjoyable with their jokes and banters. In all honesty, he hasn’t expected them to become regulars here every Wednesday and Friday, but Hyunwoo appreciates their support.

But every time he sees the empty spot next to the starting block, he feels his gut sink again. It’s still not the same.

He makes a turn as he reaches the other end of the pool and pushes forward.

The thought sticks to him. It’s still not the same, and now that he has time to think underwater and acknowledge it. Hyunwoo’s been so hell-bent on swimming practice to forget his problems, but his mind keeps rewinding to the memory of what he’s seen.

Kihyun hugging Hoseok.

It shouldn’t hurt like this.

Hyunwoo almost hits his head on the pool wall, and thankfully everyone else is too preoccupied with their own laps to notice. He turns again and propels forward.

 _Really_ , he thinks, _why does it hurt so much?_ Is it because he’s so used to Kihyun being by his side? It shouldn’t be a problem, he knows Kihyun’s just dealing with school work too, and he’s survived a year without Kihyun with him in the past. It’s not because Kihyun doesn’t message him as often too, because Kihyun has said they will catch up eventually when they aren’t busy anymore. He trusts Kihyun to keep his word, he knows Kihyun always comes back.

Is it because of how much it has broken his routine?

 _Maybe_ , and there’s a gaping figurative hole in Hyunwoo’s gut at the thought. He, the Son of the Seas, who has control over the element defined by change in the flow of time, swims to keep his spot in the current, rigid against the inevitable.

But it still isn’t that simple. Hyunwoo knows it isn’t. And it’s hard to admit - he _doesn’t_ want to admit it, but maybe he wouldn’t feel so conflicted, so rattled by Kihyun’s absence, if he wasn’t so… daunted by Hoseok’s closeness with him. It feels like something that suddenly showed up, but Hyunwoo knows it’s not sudden at all. They have been close friends for years, yet their dynamics have always been unclear to him until recently.

It’s been a slow process, but Hyunwoo grasps why it’s Hoseok who rules the domain of day. Hoseok’s presence is a constant warmth to everyone around him, a beautiful familiarity to those closest to him. He’s full of boundless energy in doing what he loves, and there’s always a silent fire in his gaze whenever he’s determined to do something. And his smile has a radiant glow, making the kindness in his heart shine. Sometimes, his smile is even brighter than Minhyuk’s.

Because Hoseok is like the sun.

_And Kihyun is the moon._

Hyunwoo has only noticed how they balance each other well. Hoseok listens and shares to Kihyun, knows Kihyun’s cues well, and in return Kihyun is more than happy to take care of him. And Hoseok supports Kihyun in ways Hyunwoo can never do, what with Hoseok’s innate expressiveness and comfortable approachability. Kihyun’s smiles now are brighter ever since he and Hoseok have started spending more time together. Like how the moon glows because of the sun.

Kihyun is the moon, Hyunwoo realizes. Hyunwoo is the ocean to Kihyun’s moon.

Because Hyunwoo is the demigod of the ocean, and the ocean’s tides sway with the moon’s pull. The ocean shifts because of the moon - it rises and falls as they move together.

But while oceans follow the moon, the moon doesn’t need the ocean.

_Kihyun doesn’t need me anymore. Maybe he never did._

What is Hyunwoo to Kihyun, when he fails to understand Kihyun’s feelings or speak out his own? Or when he has only realized how significant Kihyun has been in his life when Kihyun isn’t around? Or when there’s Hoseok, who can easily make Kihyun smile and isn’t connected to a traumatizing memory and shows Kihyun openly how valuable he is?

Regret claws him, nags him, and all the feelings he’s been swimming away from are catching up. Hurt, guilt, jealousy, anxiety, longing, _heartbreak_ -

_Oh._

Heartbreak. Explains everything.

He grits his teeth as he turns and his arms move more swiftly, his legs more forcefully. How couldn’t he have realized sooner.

Kihyun’s been by his side for so long and Hyunwoo’s feelings have slowly poured in over the years, thinking it’s natural he’d be more attached to the younger boy like that. Kihyun likes talking to him even when his answers are short, and Kihyun listens to him beyond his voice that he understands Hyunwoo the most. Kihyun always, always makes sure to make Hyunwoo feel he has someone to lean onto, someone to pull him out of the water and out of his thoughts in troubling times. Kihyun isn’t a perfect person or a perfect friend - he sulks and rages and snaps and criticizes - but the root of his flaws is his nature of caring for others deeply, and it’s one of the things Hyunwoo loves and accepts about Kihyun.

Hyunwoo loves so many things about Kihyun - especially his just heart and kind eyes and _fuck_ , his glowing smile that always sends Hyunwoo’s heart racing even when he doesn’t realize it -  and he isn’t vocal about it, because _damn it all to hell_ , he’s only realizing his own feelings now that Kihyun isn’t with him.

He loves Kihyun.

He _loves_ Kihyun.

And everything makes sense; the realization brushes every single doubt he has away for clarity to settle in. And now everything hurts even more knowing this is why he’s jealous of Hoseok, this is why he feels guilty for Kihyun’s fear of water, this is why he’s felt so confused without him, this is why he misses Kihyun so much that it hurts.

And Hyunwoo knows he has never felt this kind of hurt before, because not even swimming comforts him, but all he can do is swim forward and back in the lane, hoping that the water can calm him the more he keeps moving.

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Son Hyunwoo!” “Hyunwoo-ya!” “Hyung!” “Hyunwoo hyung!”

The voices startle Hyunwoo and he breaks the surface, surprised to find everyone’s eyes on him. Most of them are fearful, panicked - even the coach looks at him like he’s done something criminal. He slowly turns to the space beside the starting block, and there stands Hyungwon and Minhyuk, antsier than ever.

“W-What…”

“Are you… okay, Hyunwoo?” the coach begins, voice trembling.

Hyunwoo nods slowly. He doesn’t understand.

“How are you okay?” is the follow-up question, and Hyunwoo’s brows furrow. He stays silent.

“Is… something wrong?” he asks. Even with a voice so soft, he can hear it echo in the area.

No one dares to speak. They all seem horrified.

But Minhyuk takes a step forward and a deep breath, squatting down to be closer to Hyunwoo’s eye level. “Hyung… you’ve been swimming for seven minutes without coming up for air.”

_Shit._

 

 

 

 

 

Hyunwoo fiddles with his transportation card as he stares at the view around. He’s still not used to the city, if he’s being honest, but the colorful lights against the deep navy blue sky is a beautiful wonder he won’t see back in the neighborhood.

He sighs and looks away. Why did things have to turn out this way?

“Hyung,” comes Hyungwon’s voice from beside him, the younger boy nudging Hyunwoo’s shoulder. “We’re almost there.”

“You sound so calm, Hyungwon-ah,” Hyunwoo says. Hyungwon responds with a soft smile.

“Don’t worry, hyung. Everything will be fine tomorrow.”

 _I hope so_ , Hyunwoo wants to say, but he trusts Hyungwon. After his big mistake of breathing underwater, of forgetting to breathe normally out of stress, everyone in the team seems so scared of Hyunwoo. He will never forget the mumbles around him as he has fixed himself up in the locker room, some questioning what he is while others saying he must be on _something_ to make him resist breathing for a long time. He’s only thankful that one of his nicer sunbaes has tried to reason that maybe their eyes are playing tricks on them. That, or maybe Hyunwoo’s spleen is larger and proceeds to explain some article he read about people with larger spleens being able to dive for long periods of time.

It’s crazy that one mistake he’s made has caused so many people to panic, and maybe this is why Gods’ Rules don’t permit them to speak of what they are. Unnatural things scare mortals, and four demigods are severely outnumbered by the world. He’s thankful enough that his coach and trainer let him leave without having him sent to the hospital or something, but he feels haunted by the implications of his mistake.

Thankfully Hyungwon has proposed a way to solve this, and Hyunwoo agrees to join him immediately. Minhyuk has wanted in as well, but he has to leave after finding out Changkyun is sick with a high fever.

“This is more favorable, just the two of us,” Hyungwon has said once Minhyuk’s out of earshot. “Because we’re visiting his dad.”

They’ve just left their train in Jamsil station, with Hyunwoo still anxious over what has happened and somewhat less anxious that he’s going to face the God of the Heavens in person, while Hyungwon is the complete opposite.

“Am I… going to sign a contract?” Hyunwoo asks.

Hyungwon shakes his head. “No. Wiping mortals’ memories on anything related to us is the Gods’ responsibilities, so don’t worry, hyung.”

“Oh… I see,” Hyunwoo says. “You-do you know a lot about Gods’ Rules, Hyungwon?”

“Not a lot, to be honest. I only know about whatever Mom exposed me to,” Hyungwon replies. “You have no idea how many times I got caught trying to grow flowers in front of the customers when I was a kid.”

Hyunwoo chuckles. “They could’ve thought it was a magic trick.”

“Well, yeah, if I was trying to change the color of the petals. But I was trying to make a whole box of flowers grow then,” Hyungwon explains, snorting. “She told me more fairytales than Rules, hyung, and she only revealed to me when I was ten that they’re actual demigod history.”

“Like what?” Hyunwoo asks. He’s never heard about this from Minhyuk or Hoseok before.

Hyungwon taps his chin as they turn at the corner of a sidewalk. “Well, she told me three big stories that explain what demigods were like in the past, why demigods are bound to secrecy now, and the big memory wipeout.”

Hyunwoo stays silent, urging Hyungwon to go on. This could have been better told while they were in the train, but Hyunwoo guesses a crowd of people around them may overhear.

“I’m not a good storyteller, hyung,” Hyungwon says.

“You can just give me a summary,” he tries.

“Okay.” Hyungwon takes a deep breath. “Well, a lot of demigods used to exist back then, and they’re the links between gods and mortals. Mortals relay their prayers to demigods, and gods would tell the demigods which prayers to answer and how to answer them. They’re pretty basic, like rain or a new oak tree, stuff like that. But one of the demigods wanted to overthrow the gods and become one, and he started killing mortals to get a message across that he isn’t playing games.”

“That’s… brutal,” Hyunwoo winces.

“Yeah…” Hyungwon frowns. “It was a war, actually. Because of that one demigod, the gods had to wipe all memory of their existence after they’ve imprisoned him, and the remaining demigods are bound to secrecy. That’s pretty much it,” Hyungwon says.

“They just imprisoned him?” Hyunwoo asks, raising a brow.

“I have no idea, honestly,” Hyungwon replies, looking apprehensive. “All Mom said was, ‘Fate dealt Its hand on him’, but that’s vague, right? She also said that’s why… why she and your dad and the God of the Heavens are still okay in having demigods. To fight him if it happens.”

“I hope not,” Hyunwoo sighs. Balancing a normal life with his abilities is already hard enough, and he’d rather not deal with an actual deadly threat. “We aren’t built for battle, Hyungwon-ah. Don’t tell me we were made just for that.”

“I’m sure we aren’t. Mom said she really fell in love with Dad, and she said your dad’s pretty lovestruck too,” Hyungwon says, smirking. “I mean, can you imagine me fighting some monster? If that was Mom’s plan, I’d be deemed unfit with how skinny and sleepy I am.”

“You’re the most powerful out of the four of us, Hyungwon-ah.”

“I have the most gifts, I think,” Hyungwon clarifies. “But I’m not the most powerful. Mom said it will always have to be a ‘child of the sky’ or whatever, so that means Hoseok hyung or Minhyuk. Um. Makes sense, since that evil demigod… is their half-brother, I guess?”

“Huh,” Hyunwoo hums. “Was he neglected too?”

Hyungwon pauses. “Um… far from it, but I guess he’s one of the reasons why Min and Hoseok hyung were. You know that Kung Fu Panda story about Master Shifu and Tai Lung?”

Hyunwoo laughs at the analogy. “So he’s the most beloved son that turned evil?”

“Yeah,” Hyungwon says. “Mom said her brother still cares for them, but that experience ‘set him back thousands of years in parenting’. Her words.”

“It’s hard to believe,” Hyunwoo admits. “You know he gave Minhyuk a contract to keep him out of his domain, right?”

“Like Mom said, set back thousands of years in parenting,” Hyungwon answers. “It’s why I’ve never told him or Hoseok hyung this story.”

Which is a shame, Hyunwoo thinks. It’s actually nice to know something more about his non-mortal roots. It’s definitely fairytale-like, and Hyunwoo definitely doesn’t like the prospect of fighting an all-powerful evil one day, but it’s still something. Heroics are definitely more up Hoseok’s and Minhyuk’s alley, but anything involving their father will disinterest them immediately.

“By the way, hyung… you never told us what happened,” Hyungwon suddenly says.

Hyunwoo sighs. Hyungwon’s stories have distracted him for a while from thinking, but now he feels his chest clutch. “I just realized something,” he starts. “And it… stressed me out.”

“It must be that bad,” Hyungwon mumbles. “I’m not going to ask, but I hope things get better for you, hyung.”

He smiles weakly at Hyungwon. “Thanks. I hope you’re doing well too.”

Hyungwon smiles back and points at the building in front of them, and Hyunwoo’s jaw drops. He has never imagined himself to stand in front of one of the most expensive hotels in the city. “He’s up there,” Hyungwon says, and Hyunwoo’s hit with a sense of awe - the God of the Heavens can be reached at the tallest building of the country.

“How are we getting in, though?” Hyunwoo asks. He looks down at his getup and shakes his head. “They aren’t going to let me in.”

“That’s why I’m here,” Hyungwon says cheekily. “I’ve done this lots of times, hyung. Don’t worry.”

 

 

 

Now Hyunwoo knows there’s an elevator hidden in one of the janitor’s closets of the fanciest hotels of the country. One hidden from the mortal eye.

The interior floor is golden, lined with what Hyunwoo believes are actual pearls, and the walls are made of glass that show the view outside the building. There are only two buttons - UP and DOWN - and Hyungwon leans back against a wall once the elevator starts moving. Hyunwoo watches the people outside shrink into ants, the fluorescent and neon city lights multiplying the higher they get. The view is breathtaking, and he can feel light gusts of air circulate inside, as cool as the actual temperature of Seoul.

If only he doesn’t feel so distressed right now. Everything about this is amazing, but Hyunwoo is numbed instead by the reality of his feelings.

“Makes me wonder how Hoseok hyung survives this,” Hyungwon says. And even with the small squeeze his chest makes after hearing Hoseok’s name, that does strike Hyunwoo - Hoseok’s so afraid of heights that this may cause more distress for him than actually confronting the god.

“Have you met him before, hyung?” Hyungwon asks.

Hyunwoo looks at the view outside. They’re well past low-rise condominiums now. “Yeah, through a dream. He told me to take care of his sons.”

“He’s polite. Just don’t ask him about the past.”

He keeps that in mind as the elevator moves faster, almost making him trip towards the door. He spots Hyungwon covering his mouth, and Hyunwoo tries to think positively that at least the younger boy is back to being giggly.

The elevator door opens after another minute, leading directly to a suite with a ceiling full of stars. Hyunwoo walks in slowly, taking in the sight of the night sky above like he’s going through the astronomical observatory he has visited so many years ago.

The floor is tiled pitch black, a stark contrast to the gray pieces of furniture and marble tabletops at the far right. There are pots of small trees around, and the ocean-colored walls hold windows with different views, evening Seoul one out of many. And in front of the largest door across the elevator stands the silhouette of a man Hyunwoo has only seen in his dreams.

“I’ll do all the talking if you want,” Hyungwon says.

Hyunwoo only nods. It’s his first time in the God of the Heavens’ realm, and he’s still more partial towards Minhyuk and Hoseok’s side that he doesn’t know what he could say to the god if an instance of provocation springs between them.

 

 

 

Hyunwoo, with much apprehension, enters the building with an iron grip on his bag strap, only to be tackled by one of his teammates wearing a large grin on his face. He gets challenged for a race today, and Hyunwoo waits for any comment about his long breath holding or something. Nothing comes.

His level of ease builds up more when he reaches the locker room, being greeted with smiles and jokes by everyone again. And when his coach and trainer talk business with him, the former with the usual cheeriness and vigor he has when talking with Hyunwoo, he lets himself breathe in relief, squared shoulders throughout the day finally relaxing. It’s just as the God of the Heavens has said.

He changes to his swimming jammers and tosses his bag inside his locker, holding the strap of his swimming goggles and his swimming cap on one hand. He follows his other teammates out the locker room and almost freezes in place when his eyes scan the bleachers.

Kihyun’s there again, Hoseok beside him, and they wave at him with excitement.

Hyunwoo manages to smile and give a single nod before immediately diving into the water, foolishly forgetting he hasn’t even worn his cap and goggles yet.

 

 

 

 

The _practice over_ whistle rings in the entire pool area. Hyunwoo pulls his head out of the water and, out of habit, looks up to the space next to the starting block.

Hyunwoo pushes himself out of the pool, trying to ignore the squeezing sensation in his chest. He shouldn’t have expected Kihyun to pull him up again. He shouldn’t have expected Kihyun to stay either.

 

 

 

“Honey, I love you, but give me the controller.”

“Min hyung, I love you, but shut up.”

Hyungwon ends up giggling like a little kid, clapping his sweatered hands together in glee as Minhyuk and Jooheon start pulling the PS4 controller like a tug of war rope. Changkyun, who’s still recovering from his fever, scowls as he tells them off in a hoarse voice, “You’ll break the controller!”

Hyunwoo, on the other hand, is staring at the four amusement park tickets lying on the coffee table of Minhyuk and Jooheon’s flat. Hyungwon has boasted proudly of them, saying he has won them in some raffle just that morning -  _just my perfect luck!_ he has said - and takes it as a sign that this is where he’s taking Jooheon out. During their group dinner, courtesy of Minhyuk’s favorite pizza place, they have all watched in anticipation for Jooheon’s answer without trying to be too obvious that they know something behind Hyungwon’s intentions.

Of course Jooheon says yes, and Hyungwon asks if anyone wants to go along. Changkyun, unfortunately, is unaware that Hyungwon hopes no one will say yes, and the youngest boy says he wants to even though he still has a cough and the sniffles. Minhyuk, who has planned to visit his parents and younger brother back in the neighborhood, ends up calling Hoseok to accompany Changkyun after Hyunwoo turns the offer down. 

He would have said yes, but Hyunwoo… isn’t into the idea of seeing couples for a while. He’s happy for Hyungwon, really, and he’s confident that Jooheon will enjoy his company, but Hyunwoo can’t help it. He isn’t sure if he’ll be able to focus enough on keeping Changkyun at bay either, and Minhyuk himself doesn’t want Changkyun to go because _he’s such a little kid in amusement parks, it’s hard to catch him when you lose him_. But Hyunwoo sees Minhyuk cave, always after Changkyun’s happiness, and decides for a compromise especially for the sake of Changkyun’s health.

He sighs to himself and keeps his eyes on the television screen. Jooheon is playing some game with an orange animal wearing pants that keeps spinning around, and Minhyuk doesn’t succeed in grabbing the controller since Changkyun keeps lightly punching him whenever he tries. It’s hard for Hyunwoo to relate to their enthusiasm over games, really, since he isn’t much of a gamer.

In fact, he isn’t supposed to be here. Swimming practice has been cut short today, and Hyunwoo arrives home to the sight of Kihyun and Hoseok watching a movie together, the latter’s head on Kihyun’s lap as he picks the popcorn from their shared bucket piece by piece. They greet him warmly, which hurts all the more, especially when they ask him to join them. He carefully declines and decides to take up Minhyuk and Hyungwon’s offer that morning about a sleepover.

This is better, he guesses, than having to endure jealousy and fighting to push its ugly head down. Hyunwoo’s never been jealous before either, and he’s afraid his lack of self-awareness in his possible reaction may cause an unwanted fight. He isn’t even sure what kind of jealousy he’s feeling, especially since the movies portray it as a driving force for misdeeds. But Hyunwoo, despite feeling upset whenever he sees Kihyun and Hoseok together, doesn’t really want to do anything to Hoseok. It isn’t his friend’s fault for… for being such a better person for Kihyun.

And god. Seeing Kihyun after the realization. So many emotions blossom in him within a second, but the pain of their distance crushes his hope. It hurts to look at Kihyun too, but Hyunwoo can’t help but miss him after leaving his flat.

Everything feels so new - it’s different to have feelings and to be aware of said feelings - and Hyunwoo honestly wishes he’d have figured out things at a better time. Maybe if he had, he wouldn’t have taken all their dinners for granted, or all those nights he walked Kihyun home. He could’ve thanked Kihyun with a grand gesture after he prepared a mini-celebration for Hyunwoo qualifying for the Nationals. He could’ve skipped the mistake of hurting Kihyun through miscommunication.

But what is he supposed to do now? It’s… too late, isn’t it? Hyunwoo doesn’t need words to see that Kihyun and Hoseok have _something_. That something he keeps questioning for the past weeks, so obvious and yet masked by his own denial.

He stands up and leaves for the kitchen to grab a glass of water, leaving behind Minhyuk’s and Hyungwon’s loud laughter from Jooheon’s plight in the videogame.

“Hey, hyung,” a voice greets, almost making Hyunwoo jump as he sets down the glass pitcher. It’s Changkyun, wrapped in three layers of wool jackets and wearing a sleepy smile.

“Hi, Changkyun-ah,” he greets back. Changkyun nods and takes his turn in pouring himself a glass of water.

“Are you okay?” Changkyun asks, pushing himself up the kitchen countertop.

“I think I should ask you that,” Hyunwoo replies, chuckling softly. Not only is Changkyun’s voice hoarse, but it’s nasally too. Poor kid really shouldn’t go to the amusement park tomorrow at all. “What happened?”

“I played under the rain,” the younger boy admits, shrugging. “Hoseok hyung and I dared each other.”

That’s not what he’s expected. “Hmm.”

“Yeah, it’s dumb,” Changkyun sighs. “But I like it. It’s fun.”

“Getting sick isn’t fun,” Hyunwoo reminds. Changkyun snorts loudly. Hyunwoo grabs the nearby kitchen tissue roll and hands it to Changkyun, earning a thanks from the younger.

“But it got me out of work and school.” The younger boy blows his nose and crumples the tissue immediately. “I'm joking, hyung. Doing that was against my better judgment. I feel bad making Minhyuk hyung and Hoseok hyung worry too much, too.”

“It’s good you know that. You should still rest. Going to the amusement park isn’t really a wise decision.”

Changkyun shakes his head and smirks. “I’ll be fine. I drank medicine already. And I just want a day to unwind, hyung. I’m so tired with life, and I barely see Minhyuk hyung, I thought this would be a good chance to spend time with him again.”

“But he isn’t going with you,” Hyunwoo says.

“Hoseok hyung is okay too, I miss my best friend,” Changkyun smiles. “He doesn’t have to come with, though, but Minhyuk hyung insisted.”

“You’re sick, Changkyun-ah,” Hyunwoo says, wondering if Changkyun’s stubbornness is just an effect of being sick. He’s usually more reasonable. Or maybe it’s his medicine? “Of course Minhyuk wants you to rest.”

“He’s such a good boyfriend,” Changkyun adds. “Hyung, what could I do for him?”

Hyunwoo raises a brow. “What do you mean?”

Changkyun pushes himself off the counter and refills his glass again. “I don’t do enough for him. He’s good with words and expressing his love, but it’s hard for me to say affectionate things.”

Hyunwoo blinks. He hasn’t really heard Minhyuk complain about those. Then again, Minhyuk very much adores Changkyun that he may overlook those. But Changkyun’s a good kid, and there’s a reason why Minhyuk loves him so much. The biggest, Hyunwoo guesses, is the genuine way Changkyun acts.

“Remember how you wrote an apology on a tissue when you got mad at Minhyuk that one time?” Hyunwoo says. Changkyun nods slowly, but Hyunwoo isn’t sure if Changkyun is still trying to recall or is just drowsy.

“Oh, yeah, when he and Hoseok hyung picked on me,” Changkyun said, snapping his fingers. “What about it, hyung?”

“You’re good with showing love through actions,” Hyunwoo says. “That made Minhyuk really happy. And you used to send him song recommendations because he asked you to, right?”

Changkyun nods again.

Hyunwoo tries to jog his memory. He knows he recalls some of Minhyuk’s past gushing. “You’re also really good in choosing gifts and snacks for him.”

“I guess I am,” Changkyun murmurs with a small smile, but it quickly falls again. “But hyung’s good at those too.”

“That doesn’t matter, Changkyun-ah,” Hyunwoo says. “He loves you for you. If you think you have to do better, you’ll find a way to do it. But you don’t have to force yourself now.”

The younger boy’s face lights up. “Yeah, you’re right, hyung. I’ll try to figure out how to when I’m not sick.” He grins at Hyunwoo. “Thanks, hyung.”

“You’re a good boyfriend too, Changkyun-ah,” Hyunwoo says. “You put up with Minhyuk the best.”

“I think that’s because he doesn’t try fighting with me,” Changkyun chuckles. “You’re probably the same for Kihyun hyung too, huh?”

“Uh... I don't-”

“You’re the only one Kihyun hyung doesn’t fight,” Changkyun interrupts.

“That is partly true, but Kihyun isn’t above getting mad at me,” Hyunwoo says.

Changkyun nods. “So is that why you guys aren’t talking right now?”

Hyunwoo’s eyes widen. Changkyun suddenly doesn’t sound as sick as he has been a few seconds ago, or maybe it’s just his imagination.

“You need to talk about it, hyung. Even if it’s not with me,” Changkyun continues. “And for the record, Minhyuk hyung didn’t say anything about this. I just pieced things together from what I hear from all of you.”

Hyunwoo sighs. So this is what Jooheon is saying about Changkyun being too inquisitive. He hasn’t expected him to be forward, though, especially in confronting Hyunwoo, of all people. They aren’t the closest in their friend group.

But maybe that’s an advantage in this situation. More so that Changkyun is smart enough to sense that something is bothering Hyunwoo even with just spending a few hours in the same room.

“I don’t know why we aren’t talking, Changkyun-ah,” he confesses. “Kihyun became busy with Hoseok in a project.”

“But they’ve finished that project weeks ago,” Changkyun says.

Hyunwoo shifts for a moment in place, then takes a sip from his glass. “And they’ve been hanging out even after. I think… I just think Kihyun enjoys Hoseok’s company a lot more.”

Changkyun blinks. “Oh.”

“I don’t know,” he adds. “They’re close now. Sometimes I… I don’t know, Changkyun-ah, I don’t know if they’re dating or what.”

“They aren’t,” Changkyun quickly says. “I’d know if they were. Hoseok hyung would tell me.”

Hyunwoo tilts his head to the side slightly. He’s not sure if he heard correctly, and Changkyun’s voice is still worse for wear, but the younger boy’s voice holds something like... disbelief.

“Hoseok hyung would tell me,” Changkyun repeats, sounding more like a child as he sways in place, and Hyunwoo slowly approaches the boy. “He’d tell me, hyung.”

“You’re tired, Changkyun,” Hyunwoo says, sure that whatever medicine the younger boy has taken is kicking in with the way he speaks so inconsistently, in different pitches and levels of emotion. He places a hand on Changkyun’s shoulder and walks him to the living room. “You really should sleep if you want to go to the amusement park tomorrow.”

“And I’ll ask him tomorrow,” Changkyun says. He sounds sure, but his sickness gives away the cracks in his voice and says otherwise.“Best friends don’t hide secrets from each other.”

 

 

 

_“Hyunwoo!”_

_“Hyunwoo!”_

Hyunwoo wakes with a start, checking left and right in the dim of the night, his eyes adjusting to what little light it can catch. He spots Hyungwon sound asleep at the other couch, sock-wearing feet dangling from the edge, and checks the digital clock above him. It reads 4:28 AM, and Hyunwoo exhales in relief. He’s been dreaming that he has been swimming in Han River, and in the middle of it he has probably realized he isn’t sure how he’s gotten there. It only dawns on him he’s stuck in a dream when he hears Kihyun call his name so desperately, and the thought of it sends chills down Hyunwoo’s spine.

He tries to sleep again to no avail, and he thinks of going home. Maybe he can leave a note for Minhyuk to express his gratitude and say he’s left. And then he realizes that Kihyun may have slept over, and Hyunwoo reconsiders. He isn’t ready to face Kihyun and Hoseok yet.

He decides to take a shower to clear his mind, maybe help him choose what to do as well, and he opts to visit his father’s realm in Han River again since he has dreamt about it anyway. The last time he’s visited has been the day after the Forest Goddess’ funeral, and even then that has been cut short. But it’s the perfect time to visit now, he thinks, since only a few people will be awake at this hour to see him with his hands in the water.

Or better yet, Hyunwoo can dive.

He dons the spare clothes he has brought for last night and thinks to leave his things first. Minhyuk won’t be leaving the place until 11, and Hyunwoo will probably be back before then.

Right when he’s wearing his shoes, a bright light flashes his way, and it’s Changkyun holding his phone. “Hyung?” he asks, voice considerably better than last night. “Where are you going?”

Hyunwoo thinks. “Uh… jogging.”

Changkyun turns his phone to check the screen, then faces it back at Hyunwoo. He can make out Changkyun's concerned expression and his phone's wallpaper of some science meme. “This early?”

“While the sun is still down,” Hyunwoo says.

Thankfully, Changkyun accepts that. “Okay. Need me to lock the door for you, hyung?”

“Thanks, Changkyun-ah,” he whispers. The last thing he sees is Hyungwon roll on the couch, almost falling off, while Changkyun carefully closes the door and clicks the lock.

And to fulfill his word, he does jog on his way to Han River until he reaches the safest spot he can dive from - under the bridge a kilometer away from a gazebo that holds dear memories of the first picnic he has had with Kihyun, Hoseok, and Minhyuk last year.

He decides to dive fully clothed since he can remove water easily from his pieces of clothing, but he takes off his shoes first and places it behind a brush close to the bridge since they’re difficult to swim with. He counts one, two, three, and runs straight to the water until his feet touches nothing, and he submerges himself fully. He lets his body defy buoyancy again, one of the most useful gifts he’s gotten, and easily shifts his position so that he can dive. He can’t see much in the murky depths from the lack of sunlight, but Hyunwoo keeps diving downwards. The only sign Hyunwoo will have to watch out for is aquamarine glow leading to his father’s realm.

He finds it in a mere five minutes behind a pattern of rocks, and Hyunwoo feels the cold rush of fresher water against his skin as he swims through the glow. Everything is bathed with light now, and Hyunwoo can see everything - the rare species of fish that live in his father’s realm, the corals damaged by the mortal realm revitalizing, the mortal myths of the sea swimming below him in tantalizing sizes. He takes his time to appreciate the real wonders of the hidden ocean after being away for so long.

Hyunwoo closes his eyes and lets himself drift, bidding his father’s home to carry him where it wishes to go.

 

 

 

_Hyunwoo!_

Hyunwoo snaps awake, surprised to find himself still floating in his father’s realm. It feels like deja vu. “I’ve dreamt this,” he thinks to himself.

_Hyunwoo!_

And there’s Kihyun’s voice too, still haunting and devastated, that Hyunwoo feels the adrenaline rush in his bloodstream. This doesn’t feel right, not when it’s too familiar to him.

He turns left and right, heart thumping even faster as he tries to process where he is. He’s brought back near the aquamarine glow, and Hyunwoo can see through it the sunlit surface of Han River.

But there’s something that's sinking... hovering above, covering a spot in the water-

“No.”

No. It can’t be.

Hyunwoo stretches his arms above and pulls down, forcing out his most powerful stroke as he passes through the glow and back to Han River. The thrums of his heartbeats get louder as he kicks faster, stretches his arms farther, his chest rising and falling and his heart so threateningly close to break through his ribs. _It can’t be it can’t be it can’t be_ he thinks, while another part of him is praying so desperately _Fate, please don’t let it be Kihyun._

Let it be a trick of his mind, a figment of his pain, but _holy shit,_ not Kihyun please.

He should’ve known that Fate is kind enough to have given him a warning, but not kind enough to lock Hyunwoo’s fears in his dreams, as Kihyun’s unconscious body is right in front of Hyunwoo’s eyes.

He tries shaking Kihyun, hoping that he'd open his eyes, and Hyunwoo feels himself tremble when Kihyun's cold body doesn't budge. He grits his teeth, scared and angry and close to hopeless, close to cursing Fate as his fingers tremble to feel for Kihyun's carotid pulse on the neck, scared that he might not feel anything.  _Please let him be alive,_  he repeats, the only words he can even think.

And he feels light beats getting fainter and fainter, enough to spark hope that he'll be able to save Kihyun as he pulls them up to the surface.


End file.
